Weight Loss Journey

Yes I am still around, I've just had a small break from blogging. Thanks for all those people who left warm wishes and messages, they were all very appreciated. During this time away I've been reflecting on my life, my goals, and most of all my weight loss journey. I have also realised that whilst my life has been tough over the past few years, I'm glad that I went through it all and even very proud how I've come through it. I can finally say that I am happy with my life and happy being single and I don't need a man to complete my life. The only things I'm not happy with or in control of is my weight and what I eat. I'm now looking at ways to solve this problem.

One major things I've realised that I've been trying to lose weight now for at least 10 years and honestly I have lost weight but I HAVE put it all back on. Yes I am the same weight I was 10 years ago. During these 10 years I have tried many different diets/programs, the major ones being:-

* weight watchers (on more than one occasion)
* sureslim
* lite n easy
* calorie controlled diets (calorieking etc)
* low carb
* CSIRO diet
* The biggest loser diet

and many other ones from the magazines. I've had some success with them but nothing long term. I've realised for me to be successful in losing weight it all comes down to my ability to control my hunger and the amount that I eat. At this stage I'm looking at ways that I can control my hunger and the amount that I eat and I'm looking into surgery options at the moment. I know there are lots of you out there that will not agree with such drastic methods but I need to do what is right for me and what I've been doing over the past 10 years hasn't worked. Its time to look at new options and the option I'm looking into at the moment is lap band surgery.

During the past 2 weeks I've been doing a lot of reading about losing weight and what options are available to a morbidly obese person like myself. Until lately I've really hated and I haven't wanted to admit that I am morbidly obese but who am I kidding, I am and it is only me who can change that.

During my reading I've found the following interesting paragraphs that I thought I'd share with you all:-

Non-surgical methods of losing weight may eventually fail because they require daily compliance for the rest of your life. Our bodies are designed to fight weight loss so when someone diets their body becomes significantly more efficient and their brain sends stronger and stronger hunger signals. This explains the intolerable discomfort associated with dieting and the rapidity with which weight returns after a diet. The majority of people seeking surgery for long term weight control have had successful short term weight loss with diets in the past. Regardless of the amount of weight lost your body will wish to return to the weight you were before the diet.

Almost 60% of Australian adults have a weight problem and for those who are severely overweight Bariatric (obesity) Surgery offers the real possibility of lifelong weight control. Thousands of people in Australia die every year from obesity related diseases and hundreds of thousands suffer medical, physical and social disability.

The last 2 paragraphs were written by Dr Michael L Talbot. MB ChB FRACS.
Dr Talbot is a specialty trained Upper Gastrointestinal, Laparoscopic and Endoscopic Surgeon based at St George Hospital. He consults from the Department of Surgery at St George Hospital, at Suite 1 26-28 Gipps St Miranda, at the Wollongong Day Surgery and at the Sydney Institute of Obesity Surgery in Ashfield.


Lapband Surgery (or Laparoscpic Gastric Banding)

Laparoscopic Gastric Banding is the most frequently performed operation for obesity in Australia and yearly accounts for 25% of obesity surgery operations worldwide. It is a very good option available for people needing to lose weight but it will not suit everyone.

Having a band placed is simply the first step in the weight loss process. Any person undergoing this operation needs to understand how the band works in order to obtain their goals.

Patients electing to undergo laparoscopic gastric banding will be cared for in a safe and supportive environment, from the time of initial consultation through to achievement of weight-loss goals and long term follow-up.




The actual lapband that goes around your stomach

How the lapband looks on your stomach.

The port is used during the fill progress post operation.

In this procedure, a hollow band made of special material is placed around the stomach near its upper end, creating a small pouch and a narrow passage into the larger remainder of the stomach. The band is then inflated with a salt solution. It can be tightened or loosened over time to change the size of the passage by increasing or decreasing the amount of salt solution. The entire procedure is done laparoscopically, where a laparoscope is inserted through the abdominal wall through small surgical incisions.

It induces weight loss by reducing the capacity of the stomach, which restricts the amount of food that can be consumed.


Minimally Invasive Approach
During the procedure, surgeons usually use laparoscopic techniques (using small incisions and long-shafted instruments), to implant an inflatable silicone band into the patient's abdomen. Like a wristwatch, the band is fastened around the upper stomach to create a new, tiny stomach pouch that limits and controls the amount of food you eat. It also creates a small outlet that slows the emptying process into the stomach and the intestines. As a result, patients experience an earlier sensation of fullness and are satisfied with smaller amounts of food. In turn, this results in weight loss.


Least Traumatic Procedure
Since there is no cutting, stapling or stomach re-routing involved in the LAP-BAND System procedure, it is considered the least traumatic of all weight loss surgeries. The laparoscopic approach to the surgery also offers the advantages of reduced post-operative pain, shortened hospital stay and quicker recovery. If for any reason the LAP-BAND System needs to be removed, the stomach generally returns to its original form.
Adjustable Treatment

The LAP-BAND System is an adjustable weight loss surgery. The diameter of the band is adjustable for a customized weight-loss rate. Your individual needs can change as you lose weight.

To modify the size of the band, its inner surface can be inflated or deflated with a saline solution. The band is connected by tubing to an access port, which is placed well below the skin during surgery. After the operation, the surgeon can control the amount of saline in the band by entering the port with a fine needle through the skin.

Minimal Trauma
Least invasive surgical option
No intestinal re-routing
No cutting or stapling of the stomach wall or bowel
Reduced patient pain, hospital length-of-stay and recovery period

Fewer Risks and Side Effects
Significantly lower mortality risk than other obesity surgery procedures
Low risk of nutritional deficiencies associated with gastric bypass
Reduced risk of hair loss
No “dumping syndrome” related to dietary intake restrictions

Adjustable
Allows individualized degree of restriction for ideal, long-term weight loss
Adjustments performed without additional surgery
Supports pregnancy by allowing stomach outlet size to be opened for increased nutritional needs

















Reversible
Removable at any time
Stomach and other anatomy are generally restored to their original forms and functions




Effective Long-Term Weight Loss
More than 100,000 cases performed worldwide
Standard of care for hundreds of practices around the world
Academic publications with up to 7 years of follow-up


At this stage I am still researching this procedure and talking to as many people as I can that have had the procedure and so far I have not found anyone who isn't happy with their doctor or results. I've made an appointment to see Dr Talbot on 4/7/07 to see if I'm an acceptable person for this procedure, yes after blood tests the Dr still has to accept you as a suitable person.

Sorry this blog ended up being longer than I had originally planned it would be.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time

I've been sick

OK sorry I haven't been around much this week. I've spend most of it sick in bed. Nothing life threatening and I should be back on my feet in a few days time.

Needless to say I haven't eaten all that well during this time.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

Past 3 years of my life.

OK I thought I'd summarise the past few years of my life for those who have recently started reading my blog and don't know what's been going on:-

1. Dad diagnosed with cancer - October 2004
2. My mum diagnosed with breast cancer - Feb 2005
3. My darling bf (now ex) diagnosed with DVT - April 2005
4. My dad being rushed to hospital, gall bladder - June 2005
5. Me being diagnosed with depression and starting therapy - July 2005
6. My mum struggling with her cancer battle - June - September 2005
7. Mum losing her battle with cancer - October 2005
8. Dad being rushed to hospital and nearly died - December 2005
9. Nearly breaking up with darling bf - January 2006
10. Started looking after 2 portfolio's at work (300 clients) January 2006
11. Breaking up with bf - April 2006
12. Brother committed suicide - April 2006
13. Getting back together with bf - May 2006
14. Break up with bf for good - August 2006
15. Met new guy over the net - October 2006
16. Dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer and bone cancer - November 2006
17. Dad moved to a nursing home January 2007
18. Broke up with David due to him cheating on me with 2 other woman - February 2007
19. Still looking after 2 portfolios at work until today May 2007

Boy I can't believe I've been through so much and still survived. Its been a tough few years but looking back I've come through it a much stronger person.

Despite trying, I have not lost and kept off any weight since my mum died in October 2005. In fact since my dad's been sick since November 2006 I've put on 10 kilos or (15 kilos since my mum died).

Hope this helps to understand my life and its ups and downs.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Mothers Day

Get More at COMMENTYOU.com

Its Mothers Day today and I so miss my mum terribly. I have a pretty busy day today and am going to find the time to go and visit mum's cremation plot to wish her Happy Mothers Day.


Get More at COMMENTYOU.com

I saw the following poem posted on ck and thought I'd share it with you. This is for all of you who have lost your mum's (for what ever reason) and miss them terribly on this their special day.

WATCHING OVER YOU

I'm sending special angels
To keep you safe and sound,
To bless you and to love you
When you are feeling down.

I've asked them to look after you
And keep away those frowns.
To cheer you up when times are tough
Or whenever you feel down.

I hope they take good care of you
And bring you lots of love,
Because I called upon them specially.
From Heaven up above.

Have a Happy Mothers Day

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time

Work - OMG

Myspace Layouts

Myspace Layouts

I had a meeting with my boss today for my half yearly review/appraisal (as at 30/3/07). Whilst I knew what my results were as they are based on meeting performanced based results, its always the comments that I get worried about. The meeting went for just over an hour and overall was pretty good. My boss did make a comment that I need to get less involved in things that do not always concern me (aparently people have complained about me in regards to this), the meeting did go rather well.

The thing that really surprised me and gave me a buss for the rest of the day, was that my boss told me that I was not the same person who started working for him just over 12 months ago (positive way). We discussed my personal growth and business growth, especially during such a difficult time in my life overall.

Looking back at me I am so proud of all that I have achieved and yes I am such a stronger, not as negative, more rounded (not talking weight wise) person. I've also noticed that I am also a much happier and confident person than I was 12 months ago. I do have my bad and negative days but I am now having more and more good and confident days.

I may not have achieved much weight wise this year but I have achieve so much more within myself this 12 months. I do have a lot more work to do but days like this make me realise just how far I've come. I've done most of this on my own and because I've wanted to not because I've been made to.

Just thought I'd share my positive news...................


Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Half way Mark

Its half way through the Challenge 5 June and I'm feeling so out of control at the moment.

My start weight was 110.3 on 11 April 2007 (I think that was the date)
Half way mark my weight is 108.0
Now that's a loss of 2.3 kilos.

Whilst 2.3 kilos is a fairly good result, I must admit that 1.7 kilos of this loss was in the first week. I've been pretty slack ever since.

If nothing else, its time for me to start exercising again. Its getting colder here in Sydney and none of my work jackets can be done up. I do not have the funds to buy new ones, so sorry but the weight just has to go, there is no other choice.

My eating has been OK, but structured exercise is not really present. The odd short walk but that's all I've been doing. I could also do with increasing the amount of water I drink as well.

Well its getting late and if I'm going for my walk in the morning I better go and try to sleep.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Financial Stress being attacked head on

As well as lots of other stress in my life, I so can't believe:-

1. how much I have let my financial obligations get out of control.
2. what a mess they are.
3. how quickly they can get out of control
4. how much I've been spending over the past few years.

Well suffice to say its started catching up with me.

Against my better judgement I've tried to push it out of my mind and ignored them. Yes I do know better than that, and I've beaten myself up enough over this. Well last night I decided to do something about it and I'm pleased to say I'm on my way to sorting them out and restructuring my debts. All of my unsecured debts will now be consolidated into one loan and then I have my housing loan. I'm rather pleased to say that I will only have two major payments per fornight now and these will cover all of my debts.

I even spend some time doing a budget tonight and OMG is all I can say. Things are going to be tight for a while but that's the price I pay for being stupid with my money and not facing the problem. Oh well it could be worse, I could have lost my house and faced complete financial ruin. Financially things will be a bit tight for a few years but then all the unsecured debts will be repaid and cleared.

OMG I still can't believe how much I've relied on a credit card to live, well no more. The credit cards have been cut up and will be cancelled once the consolidation loan has repaid them. The only card I now have is a debit mastercard, so basically if I don't have the funds then I don't buy it.

Whilst I do hate to publically admit his mistake and huge problem, it is helping me to move forward. As Dr Phil keeps saying if you don't acknowledge it, you can not fix it. So here I am saying that I suck when it comes to my finances and up until now didn't want to acknowledge them, well that has now changed and things will get easier.

I also hate to write about this here as I'm still a little worried about what people will think about me. The positive thing out of this is by posting this here is showing myself how strong I can be by facing this problem and moving forward and not backward.

Bascially I have to stop trying to keep up with the Jones and showing people what they expect to see. Instead I need to show them who I really am and admit that due to my excess spending and living beyond my means for so long that I can survive.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Light Bulb Moment today

Ok its been a while since I've posted a weight loss message. I must admit that I need to be honest with you all and tell you the past 2 weeks I've been struggling and wasn't really sure why. I'm home sick today, my sinus are a little infected and I think I'm coming down with a cold. I was watching Oprah today, which just happened to be a weight loss show with Bob Green and his The Best Life Diet. This show was a real light bulb moment for me and I want to admit that I have been struggling to lose weight for the past 10 years and not proud of that. During this time my highest weight has been nearly 118 kilos or 260 pounds and the smallest I've been is 80 kilos or 176 pounds. My goal weight range is between 66 kilos to 55 kilos. I'm currently 108 kilos 237 pounds and not happy about that.

One of the things on the show that really hit me is how important exercise is with weight loss. I've known this before but Oprah put it is way, if you don't want to exercise then you don't want to lose weight. Yes I hate exercise and find it really hard to find the time to do it. Again if I'm honest with myself and you all it means that I don't really want to lose weight, yes honestly if there was a magic pill to get rid of this excess weight, then I'd be taking it. I can honestly say right now that my whole life is rather over welming for lots of reasons I don't want to go into now but I can say that I need to lose weight, I'd love to lose weight but do I really want to do what it takes to lose weight, well not sure..... actually honestly its more a not really or a no.

I need to take one step back from losing weight and work on myself for a little while. Before I can lose weight I need to be able to answer the following questions:-

1. Why am I overweight, really? This is not just that I eat the wrong foods and don't exercise, why do I do this to myself? What am I hiding from?

2. Why do I want to lose weight and what am I prepared to do to lose weight?

3. What am I going to do to reclaim my life?

At this point in time I can't really honestly answer these, so I'm going to work on these. I also need to stop lying to myself about my weight and what I am going to do about it.

Bob Green has a weight loss website called www.thebestlife.com and I found the following extract on it, which I thought I'd share with you all:-

"Excerpt from The Best Life Diet - by Oprah Winfrey
Another thing I know for sure now is that you’ve got to ask yourself, What kind of life do you want and how close are you to living it? You cannot ever live the life of your dreams without coming face to face with the truth. Every unwanted pound creates another layer of lies. It’s only when you peel back those layers that you will be set free: Free to work out, free to eat responsibly, free to live the life you want and deserve to live. Tell the truth and you’ll learn to eat to satisfy your physical hunger and stop burying your hopes and dreams beneath layers of fat."

Can you honestly answer this questions and are you treating yourself how you deserve to be treated. My answer to that is no.

Basically I know what I need to do to lose weight but that isn't working for me at the moment, cause I'm not doing it. Before I can move forward I need to work out why I am overweight and move down the list from there. This is really scarey stuff and I think its going to be a long and difficult journey but one I must do.

At this stage I'm not really going to follow any particular eating plan but I am going to continue to fill in my CK food diary. My main focus is myself, my thoughts, my feelings and learning to accept me and love myself and only then can I work seriously on my weight.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

are you a talent, a lifer, or a mandarin?

I'm a Lifer!

To you, a job is what pays the bills. You put in your hours, follow the rules, and then go home. Occasionally, you consider quitting, but then you think of how bad the job market is and you reconsider. Whatever happiness you get, you get from your life outside the workplace. Relationships, family, hobbies, and outside creative pursuits are what really matter to you. You're probably taking this test at work because you don't have anything better to do.

Talent: 46%
Lifer: 56%
Mandarin: 41%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.

Carlton

What kind of sports Car are you???????

I'm a Dodge Viper!

You're all about raw power. You're tough, you're loud, and you don't take crap from anyone. Leave finesse to the other cars, the ones eating your dust.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Your Hillbilly Name is

Your Hillbilly Name Is...

Loretta Lynne Crow

Hillbilly Name Generator

Now the above is based on the name of Carlton.


And the below is based on my true name given to me by my Mother.

Your Hillbilly Name Is...

Lil' Daisy Tucker

Hillbilly Name Generator

Carlton
Take One Step at a time

Are you a control Freak????

You Are 60% Control Freak

Generally, you are in control but not a control freak. You life is usually in order. However, sometimes you get too obsessed with making everything in your life picture perfect.

Are You A Control Freak?

I was actually a bit suprised with this outcome. I actually would have thought I'd sore a lot higher than I did. Well it appears I'm starting to get over all the crap that's happened in my life over the past 3 years and living again.

Thanks WBS for all these funnies. There great.

Carlton
Take One Step at at time.

How Nerdy are You?

Well I found this from WBS blog. Results mean:-

96% scored higher (more nerdy),
0% scored the same, and
4% scored lower (less nerdy).

What does this mean? Your nerdiness is:

Definitely not nerdy, you are probably cool.

Well I don't think I'm all that cool but I'll take it anyway LOL


Carlton
Take One Step at a Time

This is What Kind Of Flower You Are

I am a Canna What Flower Are You?

"You stand up for what you believe in, even if it gets in the way of what other people think. You are proud of yourself and your accomplishments and you enjoy letting people know that."

All I can say this flower is so me.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time

ANZAC Day 25 April 2007

ANZAC Day - 25 April - is probably Australia's most important national occasion. It marks the anniversary of the first major military action fought by Australian and New Zealand forces during the First World War. ANZAC stands for Australian and New Zealand Army Corps. The soldiers in those forces quickly became known as ANZACs, and the pride they soon took in that name endures to this day.

Today markes the 92nd anniversary of this occassion and the 1st year anniversary of my brothers death. I have so many mixed emotions today.

For The Fallen

With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children,

England mourns for her dead across the sea.

Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit,

Fallen in the cause of the free.

Solemn the drums thrill:

Death august and royal

Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres.

There is music in the midst of desolation

And a glory that shines upon our tears.
They went with songs to the battle, they were young,

Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.

They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,

They fell with their faces to the foe.
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning

We will remember them.
They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;

They sit no more at familiar tables at home;

They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;

They sleep beyond England's foam.
But where our desires are and our hopes profound,

Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,

To the innermost heart of their own land they are known

As the stars are known to the Night;
As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,

Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain,

As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,

To the end, to the end, they remain.

By Laurence Binyon (1869-1943)

Hope everyone is having a good ANZAC day.

Carlton

Take One Step at a time

Weigh In results - week 2

Yesterday was weigh in day.

I weighed in at 108.4 kilos today which is a loss of 200 grams. Pretty good considering I too have struggled this week.

This week has been an interesting one, I was chatting to a guy online who doesn't life far from where I work and we seemed to be getting on well and decided to meet for lunch. To cut a very long story short things didn't go to plan and now we are no longer chatting.

On a similar front, I've been chatting on and off (via yahoo messenger) with another guy called John for the past 5 months and just thought it would be a friendship. Well things got a bit steamer over the weekend and we decided to get together and see how things go. It makes life a bit busier and a lot more exciting.

Carlton

Take one Step at a Time

Weigh In Day

Sorry I've been rather busy the past few days.

Today is weight in day for the challenge.

My start weight was 11o.3.

1st weigh in today was 108.6

Loss of 1.7 kilos.

Carlton

Take One Step at a Time.

I've been a bit slack the past few days

Like Rainbow my mood today hasn't been a good one. Everything and I mean everything has annoyed me today. It's been one of those days that I just should not have gotten out of bed.

I've been a bit slack the past few days and have let my tiredness and problems logging onto blogger at work, stop me from recording my food. Now if I can remember what I ate, then I will record it now.

Wednesday
Breakfast
Blueberry Muffin (didn't have time to have breakfast at home before the training course)

Snacks
1 chocolate brownie
1 mini meat pie
1 mini ham and cheese croissant

Lunch
1 ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato and avocado mixed grain sandwich
1 plate of fruit
1 small serve of Brie
1 small bottle of diet coke

Snacks
1 chocolate brownie
1 apple

Dinner
Will have to think about what I ate for dinner, as I can't remember at the moment.

Walked 30 mins

Thursday
Breakfast
Triple berry Light N Tasty cereal
1 cup of peaches
1 200g tub of yoghurt

Snacks
1 apple

Lunch
1 Subway Club salad with honey mustard dressing
1 apple

Snack
1 muesli bar

Dinner
2 weight watchers satay chicken wraps
2 chocolate easter eggs

Walked 60 mins

Friday
Breakfast
Triple berry Light N Tasty cereal
1 cup of peaches
1 200g tub of yoghurt

Snacks
1 pear
1 mandarin

Lunch
1 medium serve of Chinese vegetables stir fried with rice noodles
1 yoghurt
2 Terikyi Chicken Sushi rolls

Dinner
2 weight watchers Mediterranean chicken wraps

Walked 60 mins

My day was that bad that I so wanted to eat chocolate, I didn't have a craving for it, I think I just wanted to chew on something and I normally turn to chocolate when I have such a craving. Rainbow and I chatted out it this afternoon and threw around several alternative ideas, which I really apprecite. Thanks Rainbow for the chat, hope I didn't interupt your work too much.

You will all be pleased to know that so far, so good, no chocolate has been put into my mouth. Yes that's right, I did not eat it, didn't buy it, just proceed to do my work. I think by recognising my desire and why I actually wanted it seemed to work.

Feeling pretty good about my choices so far. I haven't really weighted myself this week, cause its TTOM and I retain fluid during this time.

I'm planning on doing more exercise this weekend and hoping for a good weight loss come Tuesday morning.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time

Day One of the Challenge

OK the June 5 challenge started today and so far so good. I was that busy at work today that I didn't have time to scratch myself let alone think of food, or even food that I have decided I'm not going to eat anymore.

So far today I have only exercised for 30 Min's but that is also 30 Min's more than yesterday or the day before. The night isn't over yet and whilst I am physically and mentally exhausted from work there is still time to get another 30 Min's of exercise in. Might just have to get out one of those exercise tapes/dvd's.
My food diary for today reads

Breakfast
30 grams of Light N Tasty - triple berry cereal
1/2 cup of skim milk
1/2 cup of tin fruit salad

Snack
1 small apple

Lunch
1 honey soy chicken stir fry with 1 cup of Jasmin rice

Dinner
1 Coles premade green salad
1 tin of salmon
1 200g tub of diet yoghurt

Snack
2 slices of toast with diet jam

I have also had 1 cup of coffee, 1 cup of green tea and 2 litres of water.

I know I might need to eat more than this and will re look at my food diary. I'm also on a course tomorrow all day and morning tea, lunch and afternoon tea are supplied. This will present a very big challenge for me and one I will have to tackle alone as I will not be in front of a computer to email Rainbow before I am tempted. I am planning on taking some fruit with me for my snacks and now I just have to remember to eat them instead of the pastries and biscuits.

Oh and the scales were not kind to me today. I weighted in at 110.3 kilos. I really can't blame anyone but myself, I'm the one who buys the food and I'm the one who places in it my mouth. TOM also arrived today so might just have to blame that as well.

On a different note I just need to vent a little about my job. I have been doing this job for about 4 years now and am getting a bit tired of it. My life and this job have both changed a lot over this time and I'm beginning to feel like I can't handle the stress of it anymore. I am also so sick of feeling stressed all of the time, so sick of doing 2 jobs (for most of the past 12 months), so sick of ungrateful clients I'm seriously considering that stress leave might be in order and talking to my RM about how I can't do this job anymore. Its just taking too much out of me and with the stress over my father's health, I just need a break.

Its time I looked after me as no one else is going to and finding a less stressful job, is all part of the journey I'm on right now.

9.22 p.m. I forgot to add the most exciting part. I said NO thank you, yes that's right NO to cadbury solid small easter eggs today. I knew that if I had one then that wouldn't satisfy me, so I didn't have them at all. Also at the nursing home tonight I could have easily had a easter mashmallow or some of Dad's small easter eggs and I did look at them with desire, but I also choose not too. Yes I made a very determined decision not to have any chocolate today or tonight. I am so pleased with myself.

Carlton
Take One 'Step at a Time.

June 5 Challenge Strategy

I chose this picture for this post only because I liked it and not because it has anything to do with this post.


If you have read my previous post today you will see that I'm struggling at the moment with my self believe and if I can do this Challenge or not.

OK below is my strategy for the June 5 Challenge.

1. I need some structure in my eating program so I am going to go back to the Core program of Weight Watchers. I have tried a few other programs during the past few years and they have not worked as well.
2. I will use my HRM to record my exercise calories.
3. Will exercise for minimum 60 minutes, 5 times a week minimum (each time burning 500 or more cals)
4. I will have a proper breakfast every morning.
5. I will drink 2.5 litres of water per day.
6. If I eat carbs, they will be low Gi.
7. I will stay away from highly processed food and eat food closer to their natural state.
8. I will not drink carbonated drinks like coke, light coke, coke zero and junk food like chips, cheezels, twisties.
9.I will use post my food diary on my blog and exercise diary every single day no matter what.
10.I will not buy chocolate but as I have a lot of it from easter, I will allow myself 1 small egg per week (preferably weekend). However, on these days I will need to exercise for 2 hours. (these eggs are 812 kj or 203 calories & 12 grams of fat).
11. I will post my thoughts, feelings, struggles every day on my blog.
12. I will ask for help when I need it.
13. I will not put too much pressure on myself to achieve and take one day as it comes.

I have a feeling that it might still be a work in progress and I will probably add to them as I think of more things to help me with the challenge.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Confused & Scared

I can't believe the Easter break is almost over and tomorrow I have to go back to work.

Also I can't believe that the challenge with Rainbow starts tomorrow. When I agreed to this challenge, it seemed so far away and I felt pretty good about things.

I'm feeling pretty confused, apprehensive and scared right now about this challenge. I'm scared because I don't feel very in control of my eating right now and afraid that it is pretty easy for me to slip back into emotional eating. I know that I need to lose weight and can't afford to buy new clothes for Winter but can I really do this? Can I eat well for more than 1 day in a row? Can I get up at 6 a.m. and exercise? Do I want this badly enough to succeed? So many questions that I need to answer.

As you can see my self esteem and belief in myself is pretty low at the moment and my head is not in a very good space. However, I'm wondering if I'm reacting this way as an excuse not to start this journey again, open myself up, improve myself, get back out in the world and live life again. Emotionally I'm still in a pretty fragile place after my failed relationships over the past 12 months and so afraid let my true self be shown. Overeating has always been a way to deal with my pain and hurt. Whilst my overeating has resulted in me being fat and unhappy it is also been my safety net. Can I or am I ready to peel away the layers of my safety net. Seriously I do not know.

At this point I do not know if I can do this, or at the moment if I really want join this Challenge. All I know is that I need to do this and I need to do this for me. So tomorrow I will get up at 6 a.m. and go for a 60 min walk and do my best to make healthy food options. Once tomorrow is over it is then time to focus on the next day. Its a day by day challenge for me at this stage.

I recognise that the majority of my posts have a negative tone to them at the moment, but that where my head space is right now. Things will improve as my journey goes on, but for me the commencement is the scariest part right now.

I hate the feeling of not being in control and I am not in control of my eating or emotions right now. I so have to remember this feeling as things go along.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter everyone and hope you had a good day.

I had a pretty good day. We picked my dad up this morning and brought him home for the day. I think he enjoys this and had a good day. It just takes a lot out of him and on these days he is ready for bed about 5.30 p.m.

Well despite me asking for 1 small box of easter eggs, I managed to receive 48 egg (real eggs that is) size easter eggs. Chocolate is one of my real weaknesses. I have decided that I am allowed 2 of these eggs per week, 2 and only 2. This will be a real test for me but one that I am ready to overcome. I would love to be in control of chocolate. If I can't stop at 2 eggs per week, they will be given away to either my work mates or the other residences at the nursing home.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

The June 5 Challenge startes Tuesday 10 April 2007

Yes I am joining Rainbow in a challenge called The June 5 Challenge. This is a challenge to get us back in the zone and losing weight. This is an 8 week challenge, commencing on 10/4/07 and my goal is to lose 8 kilos during this time and my stretch goal is to lose 10 kilos. I really need to lose weight to fit into my winter clothes, as I don't have the money to buy new ones again this Winter.

I will clean out my fridge, freezer and pantry and throw out any food that doesn't fit into this challenge.

My strategy for this challenge is still a work in progress and some more thought needs to go into it. A draft strategy is as follows:-

1. I need some structure in my eating program so I am going to go back to the Core program of Weight Watchers. I have tried a few other programs during the past few years and they have not worked as well.

2. I will use my HRM to record my exercise calories.

3. Will exercise for minimum 60 minutes, 5 times a week minimum (each time burning 500 or more cals)

4. I will have a proper breakfast every morning.

5. I will drink 2.5 litres of water per day.

6. If I eat carbs, they will be low Gi.

7. I will stay away from highly processed food and eat food closer to their natural state.

8. I will not drink carbonated drinks like coke, light coke, coke zero and junk food like chips, cheezels, twisties.

9.I will use post my food diary on my blog and exercise diary every single day no matter what.

10.I will not eat or buy chocolate.

As I said this is my draft. I promise I will post my final list by the end of Monday. Any comments or suggestions will be gratefully received.

As a side issue. today is my 20 year anniversary for working with the company that I work for. I never actually thought I'd get here but its been an interesting journey. For 20 years service you get a certificate signed by the CEO, a gold watch and about 5% of your salary into your superannuation. We actually had a BBQ lunch at work yesterday and I received my certificate of service and my watch. It was all very exciting. Now I just have to wait for my letter to tell me exactly how much they put into my superannuation.

Carlton

Take One Step at a Time.

Time to get real.

Hi everyone. Its time for me to get real and get on with this journey of losing weight. The issues going on in my life are here to stay and really I just need to deal with them and find ways to work around them. I must remember that there are people worse off than me in this world.


I have taken 2 new photos of me tonight. They are below, they also show my new haircut (which everyone at work just loves). They are also the first step in me being accountable to you all. Rainbow and I are starting a fresh on Tuesday 10/4/2007. At this stage I'm not sure of what my weight is but I will weigh myself tomorrow and post that as well.







This one is taken in the bathroom doorway. As you can see I'm not feeling very happy about this photo or my life at the moment.








This one is taken in my bedroom a few minutes after the other one.








Rainbow and I have decided to break this journey down into mini goals and the first one starts on 5/4/07 and runs for 2 months till 5/7/07. At that time I plan to take another photo and show you the difference. My first goal is to lose 8 kilos in this time and I have a stretch goal of 10 kilos. As I said the 10 kilos is a stretch and something for me to aim at.

If I don't start now then I am not going to have anything to wear this winter, as all my winter clothes are 1 - 2 sizes smaller than I take now and I don't really have any spare cash to buy new clothes. All my winter clothes were only bought last year.

Bring it on is all I can say.


Carlton
Take One Step at a Time

Venting again

Yesterday was a bit better day, my dad has calmed down and my brother and I have had a talk with the nursing staff. We think dad got how he was because the nursing home ran out of his hormone treatment tablets, in fact he hadn't had them since Friday. I can't believe they allowed him to run out of them and then tried to make out that it was it was dad's fault he was acting like he was and labelling him too aggressive. After all they dispense the medication to him and should know when they are running low, how hard is it for them to reorder more then. Obviously real hard. My brother and I have talked about this at length and have decided that dad was like he was because of the lack of medication and that whilst he knew what he was doing, he didn't have control over it. Cancer is such a horrible thing to have. Again I can't get over the fact that the nursing staff left it up to us to calm him down and sort things out.

My eating is getting better and I am eatting health food during the day, it just appears that my problem is at night. Most nights when I get home I am too tired to cook a healthy meal and always take the easy option. Whilst I didn't eat that well last night, I at least acknowledge it and that it took the same amount of time to cook something unhealthy as what it does to cook a healthy stir fry.

Rainbow and I are going to start again on Tuesday and support each other, which will be good.
We are both struggling at the moment and can help each other get past this.

Thanks WSB & Rainbow for your comments, concerns and support. I really appreciate them. We can and will do this together. I'm feeling better about things today.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time

Need to Vent

Fathers, I think mine must be the most inconsiderate, selfish, self centred man on this earth. I so can't believe him sometimes, I know he is terminally ill and the nursing home running out of his hormone treatment doesn't help but honestly, I was ready to kill him tonight.

Tonight when we went to visit him he was in the toilet and the nurses were trying to help him, but instead of him letting them, he was trying to punch them and ended up cutting himself on the toilet chair. He then wouldn't let anyone dress his wound and keep shouting, yelling and trying to punch them.

The more I tried to talk to him the worse he got and the more he wanted to punch someone. He really doesn't care how his reactions affect others or how it makes others think of him. He also doesn't care how upset we get, and most of the time doesn't want to talk about it. It is so hard, no wonder I have put on 15 kilos since November 2006.

Bascially he is angry because he has to live in the nursing home & hates it, that he doesn't get the attention he wants, doesn't get things done when he wants them, thinks the staff hate him, thinks they hide things from him and refers to the nursing home as jail. He also blames my brother and I for putting him being there and then just left him there to rott for the rest of his days. Mind you we visit him every night for at least 2 hours and 3-4 hours per day on weekends. I have another brother who hasn't even been to visit him at all in the nursing home (3 months now) but he can't do anything wrong. My dad even thinks we love the nursing home's cat Bonnie more than we do him.

I am so angry and upset over this and am even in tears as I type this.

I just so wish that he would see things from others point of view and that the whole world doesn't revolve around him.

These days I never get home from visiting him until 8 pm, so I don't get to have dinner before 8.30 p.m., I try to do his washing every night so he always has enough clean clothes to wear. I don't do these things for his thanks, I do them because I want to and its what I need to do right now. Bascially my life has been put on hold since Nov 2006 and he couldn't care less, as long as he gets what he wants when he wants it, that's all that matters to him.

Apart from computer problems at work today, I was having a pretty good day, but it all came crushing down when I went to visit him.

We visit him daily so he doesn't think we have just left him there and don't care but guess what, he thinks that anyway.

All I want to do is eat chocolate, drink lots of bourbon and eat pizza. I can't believe that he is making me feel guilty because I want some sort of a life and will not visit him 3 hours a night (weekdays) and 9 hours a day (weekends) anymore.

I thought typing this would help but no it doesn't make me feel any better. I think I'll just go and have a good cry and might have an early night.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Needless to say that I'm not very happy with myself and my efforts this week.

Work has just been hell and I've really struggled with all aspects of my life this week, i.e. having time to myself, my eating, exercise, visiting my dad, work. In fact the only part of my life that's been good has been drinking at least 1.5 litres of water per day and the fact that despite what bad food I ate this week, I did lose 100 grams. I have been really stressed at work this week and I am so sick of emotionally eating during this time. Why do I do it to myself, its not as if it makes me happy, in fact I feel even worse after it happens, even more depressed and angry with myself.

Now I'm sure if I can answer this billion dollar question I will be able to move forward on this journey.

I'm feeling pretty down about my weight at the moment and about my lack of control over my food and the types of food I eat.

I think I need to take this as a day by day thing and might need to be accountable to you all again.

I do need to also reduce the amount of stress in my life, which means that I need to look for a less stressful job in the finance industry. That is, if one exists. I've worked for this company for 20 years next Friday and would like to continue to work for them, due to the benefits I'm not entitled to but just need to reduce the stress.

Tomorrow is another day and I will take it as it comes.

Sorry just needed to vent and thanks to WBS who reminded me that this is what this journal is all about. Thanks for your support and help, it is really appreciated, even if I don't always take it or say so.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

Day 2 and 3 of Sureslim

Current mood: optimistic

Sorry I didn't post yesterday, was feeling a little emotional and down. Now if that's not a good enough reason to post then I don't know what is.

Need to find my motivation and have something dangling in front of me to keep me on track. Maybe I can use a trip to Adelaide to met my dear online mate Matthew (who mind you is very cute). I so do want to look good for that.

Well day two was hard due to some emotional eating. I so know that I shouldn't go shopping when I feel like this or when I'm hungry but I keep doing it. So instead of the nice stir fry I'd planned for dinner I ended up eating choc fudge ice cream. At least I'm admitting to it.

Day 3 was so much better, stuck to the sureslim plan and even drank my 2 litres of water today. Yes I did end up having the stiry fry for dinner and it was so yummy. I even have enough for another meal. It might just be because I'm back at work and busy trying to see where everything is at.

Now I just have to get motivated to exercise. I have the alarm set for 6 a.m. to go for a hour long walk. Hope I can get up when it goes off.

Carlton

Take One Step at a time.

First Day on Sureslim

Day 1 of Sureslim

Current mood: a little depressed

Ok I've finally decided that I need to do something about my weight before I can't fit into all my clothes.

So I bit the bullett and decided to get out my old sureslim program and start following it again. I must admit that the first time I tried this it was really hard to stick to and very restrictive. However, this time I think it might just work, as a lot has happened in my life since then and as a result I find myself single again and not having to worrry about someone else's meals or the food that they have in the visitors area of Long Bay Jail.

So far so good today, the only thing that I really have to get use to is not eatting for 5 hours in between meals and not eating junk. I'm going to take it as a day by day thing and see how it goes.

Scales were not kind to me this morning when I got on them, but what else could I realistically expect when all I've eaten is junk food and drunk lots of alcohol over the past 8 weeks.

For those who read my myspace page this has also been posted on there too. Not too sure about using the blog on myspace as I've made some really good friends on there (one in particular who happens to me male and really cute) and not sure if I want them to read this kind of stuff about me.

Carlton

Take One Step at a time

Time to Get Serious Again

Ok I've survived my week in Melbourne and have come back feeling like a really fat cat.

Its now time to get serious and lose some weight, if not I will not have anything to wear this winter and can't afford to go out and buy some new clothes. Just need to decide which program I am going to use (once and for all and stick to). Should I go back to weight watchers, use calorie king (which is free), follow the sureslim program I was given this time last year, or follow the CSIRO diet? Decisions, Decisions. I think I will sleep on it and come back to you on this one.

Well that's about all I have at the moment.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Life

Hi everyone, sorry its been so long between posts.

Life has been rather hard over the past few months, we've moved my dad into a nursing home, work has been flat out and David and I have split up (due to him having 2 affairs on me).

I've also spend most of the past few months emotionally eating and have put back on all the weight I had lost this year. I'm going away to Melbourne tomorrow for the F1 and have given myself until I get back to eat what ever and then its time to pull my finger out and get back to eating well, exercising and losing this weight for good.

Oh and a few days ago I decided to cut off most of my hair. It was down near my shoulders and now looks a little like Kai from US TBL (below). Oh and I also dyed it what was meant to be a really dark brown but has come out black. Oh well still looks OK.

This is her picture from her myspace page.

One day when I have my photo taken again, I'll down load a new photo of me, until then you will just have to imagine what it looks like.

Carlton

Take one step at a time.

Weigh In

Ok yesterday was my weigh in day and I forgot to post my results.

Started on 1/1/07 at 105 kilos
Yesterday I weighed in at 102.8 kilos. I lost 2.2 kilos. Very excited for the first weigh in for the year.

Not happy with being over 100 kilos again. I would love to be under 100 kilos by the end of January 2006.


This result has inspired me to increase my exercise this week and remain focused. The past few days I've strugged with junk food a lot.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Goals for this week.

Ok, its now 2007 and I so have to achieve something with my weight this year. CK membership is now free and I've renewed it for a couple of years, which will help me to remain focused and keep on track.

Over the past few weeks I've been tossing up the idea of rejoining weight watchers but have decided that it is really a waste of time and money for me. I don't tend to stick to it and am much happier counting calories via http://www.calorieking.com.au/ which I no longer have to pay for.

I have also decided to involve myself in a few of their 12 week challenges being the body blitz challenge and the sexy ab challenge. As part of the body blitz challenge I have started the couch to 5km run. Links to this can be found at:-

It is explained in full on the Cool Running website http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

Graham from CK has metric conversions here http://www.cairnscommunications.com/fitness/couch-to-5k.htm

I started day 1 today and it wasn't too bad. I went to the gym and did it on the treadmill but seeing it is summer here and a bit muggy I'd prefer the air conditioning.

As part of the Body Blitz, my goals for this week:-

1. To go to the gym 3 times this week.
2. To wake up at 6 a.m. and to go for an hour walk 3 times this week.

Reward - Buy a new DVD movie.

Or in real terms:-

Monday:- Gym for C25km & ab challenge
Tuesday:- Walk in the morning and ab challenge
Wednesday:- Gym for C25km & ab challenge
Thursday:- Walk in the morning and ab challenge
Friday:- Gym for C25km & ab challenge
Saturday:- Bay Walk with Lynda & ab challenge - 7 km's
Sunday:- CK walk with Sydney CKers (City to Surf route to Bondi Beach) - 14kms & ab challenge.

Normally I would give myself a rest day but I'm on a roll at the moment and love getting together with the CKer's for walking.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Sorry haven't posted for a few days but my excuse is that I've been running around looking for nursing homes for my dad. I am please to say that after looking at some pretty horribles ones out there that I have found a nice one about 5 kms from his place and he moved in there yesterday afternoon. The fun begins now, in deciding what of his cloths and personal belongings that we can take and not take. Hopefully this will be sorted out over the next few days.

Food wise was a bit of a shocker yesterday. I really should learn not to go out shopping at lunchtime when I am hungry, as I always make the wrong food choices. Whilst I ended up having a roast beef subway foot long roll, I also ate way too much chocolate. I was also amazed when I put the sub into CK food diary it has 80grams of carbs. OMG that is huge for long sub!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All but the chocolate was within my calories, fat and carb allowance but still its huge.

I'm finding it a bit hard the past few days to drink my water and have turned a bit too much to diet soft drinks. Will keep working on it. I also find that due to work being very quiet, I'm bored and thinking of food too much. It doesn't matter what kind of food - fruit or junk, its always on my mind and I'm always wanting to eat it. I do have some work to do but am waiting on clients to come back from holidays before I can do it and there is only so much surfing the net one can do. I hope things get back to normal soon.

I've also been looking back at the past 18 months and realised the following has happened in my life:-

1. My mum died - Oct 2005
2. My dad nearly died - Dec 2005
3. My brother died - April 2006
4. Relationship breakup - April 2006
5. Back together July 2006
6. Relationship breakup for good - Aug 2006
7. New relationship started - Oct 2006
8. Dad diagnosed with terminal cancer Dec 2006
9. Dad moved in Nursing Home - Jan 2007

I've also lost no weight during this time, infact as at today I've put on 15 kilos since mum died. I've been yo yo dieting with this 15 kilos for the past 12 months. I so have to get off this merry go round and just get on with it. It is so hard sometimes and I just feel like giving up but I'm not as I'm not happy with myself and how I'm looking.

Well better go and do some work before I go back to the nursing home at lunch to met the doctor and fill in a few more forms.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Start of 2007 Weight Loss Journey

I'm going to use this blog as a bit of a weight loss journey this year. I got the idea from AJ and will use it to help me with the ups and downs of this journey. I just finished reading AJ's book Confessions of a Reformed Dieter again and was inspired by that.

Today 2/1/07 I'm back at work and don't really want to be here. I'm feeling very down, flat and just plain fat. The weather in my part of Sydney isn't helping it has been terrible the past 24 hours. Seems to be improving a bit now but still terrible. I can't believe that I put on 2 kilos over the Christmas new year period. I didn't eat that much crap. Did drink a bit too much and hardly any exercise.

I might have to go to the doctors and have a check up. I also feel so tired and have lack of energy. I'm back using the CK diary at the moment. Its easier to use that then to use a manual diary. So far today food has been good, sticking to what I have entered into the food diary but it is a struggle to not eat junk food and to drink my water.

I just feel like I'm going back wards at the moment. Every time I step on those scales they seem to be going up, up, up. Its starting to get me very down and depressed ...........................

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

2007 Weight Loss Goals

I've been thinking of what I want to achieve in the coming 12 months and my goals for 2007 are:-


1. To get back on track and get all 3 green ticks on CK.
2. To remain focused and ask for help when I slip.
3. To get to my goal weight (even if it takes the whole year and probably will).
4. To drink 3 litres of water a day.
5. To exercise for 1 hour a day (might need to break it up to 2 x 30 min sessions).
6. To complete the sexy abs challenge on CK.
7. To complete the Body Blitz challenge on CK.
8. To blog my weight loss journey and refer back to it when I struggle.
9. To be honest with myself and not beat myself up too much when things don't go to plan.

Given the news yesterday that CK is going to become free to join from 1/1/07 and some of us members being concerned about trolls etc spoilling the site, I have been looking around for alternative sites and come across a site called www.sparkpeople.com. Not sure if i will use this site yet, as I want to keep an open mind about the changes to CK but I did sign up for it. Will check it out today when it is quiet at work.

Next month it will be my 1 year anniversary in blogging and so much has happened. I've been going through my archive bloggs and found the following from January 2006.

Top Ten Benefits of Losing Weight
So, what are the top ten health benefits you can expect after dropping 10 percent of your weight? In no particular order, they are:

10. Better blood pressure
9. Improved heart health and lower cholesterol levels
8. Decreased risk for diabetes /cancer
7. Enhanced sex life
6. A better night’s sleep for those with obstructive sleep apnea
5. Less pain associated with arthritis, joint disease, and lower back pain.
4. Better breathing
3. Less Depressed
2. Spending less on clothes, (as the bigger you are the more they cost cause they use more material)
1. More energy



Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

I HOPE 2007 IS YOUR YEAR

CARLTON

TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME

Very Exciting News Tonight - Greatest Christmas Present Ever

If you've been reading my blog, you would know that my dad is rather sick (advanced prostate cancer and bone cancer). He has been hospital for the past month and we need to look for a nursing home for him.

Well I had been planning on taking christmas lunch to dad in hospital as I thought that was our only option.

Well tonight when we were visiting him and the nurses & doctors gave us the greatest chrisrmas prsent ever, they told us we can bring dad home for the day if we want to. He gets day release for christmas day. Ya Ya Ya - its very exciting.

Well without even a second thought I told them sure would love to. I am so happy we can now celebrate christmas at home and he can join in. It will not be anything over the top but at least it is at home and not in the hospital. It's the best news my brother and I could ask for and I now can't wait for christmas.

The thought of having to celebrate christmas in the hospital was starting to depress my brother.


Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

Words of Wisdom

I got this from WBS blog and liked it so much, I thought I'd share it in my blog as well.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill,
and a black lace bra..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who
Always makes her laugh...
And oneWho lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Eight matching plates,
Wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will
Make her guests feel honored.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over Her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love
Without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a Job
Break up with a lover
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder...
and
WHEN TO WALK AWAY.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change
The length of her calves,
The width of her hips, or
The nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
That her childhood
May not have been
Perfect..but;
Its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't
Do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
How to live alone...
even if She doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't
Take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month...
And a year...


Carlton
Take One Step at a Time

Update

An update on my dad, the medication they have put him on is helping reduce the symptons and any paid but will never cure him.

We found out a few days again that my dad has to be transferred to a nursing home as he needs 24/7 care. My brother and I can not provide this care and it is way too expensive to hire someone to look after him in his home, so unfortunately the only option we have is to transfer him to a nursing home. I'm not very happy about doing to but have no choice. Dad finally came to terms with it on Tuesday and was very upset about it. Life is so unfair sometimes. I also found out that there is lots of things to consider when finding a good nursing home and lots of paper work that needs to be done. We've got a list of homes within the area my dad's house is and am aiming to get a nursing home for him as close as possible. The search begins.

I'm also starting again next year with my weight loss and need a very big kick in the pants. I've let myself eat crap whilst my dad has been sick in hospital but as things aren't going to change much there, (with him going into a nursing home) my bad and out of control eating has to stop.

I have to take control of my eating and life again and begin to make good food choices and not bad ones. I have to accept that my life has changed in so many ways. Visiting my dad either in a hopsital or nursing home nearly every day is becoming the normal and that I don't just have to eat junk food when I am there.

Sorry to carry on a bit about this but getting it out of my system helps.

I'm off sick again today and hope that everyone has a great day.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time

Dad Update No. 2

Hope everyone is going well. My week is just hit rock bottom. We got some of dad's results back today and its not good. They include:-

1. He can't look after himself i.e. shower himself, get out of bed etc so looks like he will eventually need to go into a nursing home.
2. They have discovered he has advanced prostate cancer and they are 90% sure its gone into his bones.

There is treatment they can give him but will only give him better quality of life. They still need to do more MRI scans and tests but basically there is no cure. We need to see the specialist on Monday to find out more and what we need to do going forward but it is really just a matter of time.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Update on Dad

Thanks everyone for your kind wishs and thoughts.

Just to let you know that we had to rush Dad to hopsital today because he nearly collapsed whilst doing the shopping in Woollies. After spending 9 hours in emergency, dad got admitted and so far they have found he has a urine infection and high temperature. They are still doing more tests to find out why he is having problems walking, talking and generally getting around. Not sure when we will find out what is really wrong with him.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

My Dad

This is a picture of my dad taken in Qld in September 2006 when we went to visit my sister in law.

Dad is currently in remission with non Hopkins lymphoma and has been for about 2 years now. We've noticed the past few weeks his health is deteriorating, his is not eating properly, has trouble getting out of chairs, walking and talking. His talking is getting to the point that even I'm having problems understanding him.

I got some bad news from my brother tonight saying that dad thinks the cancer has come back. I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions until we get some test results, but he has been unwell for a few weeks now and will not let us take him to the doctors or hospital. Yes he is sick but I am hoping it is something can be treated and nothing to serious.

This time last year we nearly lost him with blocked bile ducts in his liver and I'm hoping it is something like that. His biggest problem is that he will only drink fluids when someone is around to fill his glass and that only happens during the day when my brother comes home for lunch.

Dad spend most of today in bed today and has hardly eatten anything. I could tell my brother was very upset when he rang me, you could also tell he was shaking during the phone call and nearly in tears.

My brother and I are going to take him to get tests done tomorrow but I am so upset, worried and concerned about losing him. I know he has been depressed since mum died nearly 14 months ago now and I think when he got sick last year he nearly willed himself to go but didn't in the end cause we needed him. Well we still need him. My relationship with him hasn't been the best over the years but I still need him.

I am so worried, as is my brother. Not sure I'm going to sleep tonight.

Sorry if this sounds all over the place, but my head is all over the place and I'm in tears as I'm typing this.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

OMG - Time to pull my finger out and do it.

I've known for a while that David intended on coming to Australia to met me and see where this relationship is going. Well tonight he told me that he's applied for his visa and that he can get a flight on either 10/12/06 or 21/12/06, depending on me. I will have to see when I can get some more time off work.

Whilst I want to see him asap and have him here asap, Christmas is a busy time for me with parties etc and it would be easier to attend some of these without him and better if he got here on 21/12/06. Just not sure how I can tell him that without upsetting him.

OMG its really happening. Whilst I'm very excited about this, its rather nerve racking as well. I can't believe its actually going to happen.

Its time to get serious about losing some weight before he gets here. I've been cooking out of the Annette Syms cook books for a while now and yesterday I started the 28 day menu planners. My aim was to stick to these until David got here, so I'm going to do that and will need to exercise twice a day.

I don't think I'm going out to see any clients this week, so I should be able to walk to and from work each day.

Carlton
Take one Step at a time.