I can't believe the Easter break is almost over and tomorrow I have to go back to work.
Also I can't believe that the challenge with Rainbow starts tomorrow. When I agreed to this challenge, it seemed so far away and I felt pretty good about things.
I'm feeling pretty confused, apprehensive and scared right now about this challenge. I'm scared because I don't feel very in control of my eating right now and afraid that it is pretty easy for me to slip back into emotional eating. I know that I need to lose weight and can't afford to buy new clothes for Winter but can I really do this? Can I eat well for more than 1 day in a row? Can I get up at 6 a.m. and exercise? Do I want this badly enough to succeed? So many questions that I need to answer.
As you can see my self esteem and belief in myself is pretty low at the moment and my head is not in a very good space. However, I'm wondering if I'm reacting this way as an excuse not to start this journey again, open myself up, improve myself, get back out in the world and live life again. Emotionally I'm still in a pretty fragile place after my failed relationships over the past 12 months and so afraid let my true self be shown. Overeating has always been a way to deal with my pain and hurt. Whilst my overeating has resulted in me being fat and unhappy it is also been my safety net. Can I or am I ready to peel away the layers of my safety net. Seriously I do not know.
At this point I do not know if I can do this, or at the moment if I really want join this Challenge. All I know is that I need to do this and I need to do this for me. So tomorrow I will get up at 6 a.m. and go for a 60 min walk and do my best to make healthy food options. Once tomorrow is over it is then time to focus on the next day. Its a day by day challenge for me at this stage.
I recognise that the majority of my posts have a negative tone to them at the moment, but that where my head space is right now. Things will improve as my journey goes on, but for me the commencement is the scariest part right now.
I hate the feeling of not being in control and I am not in control of my eating or emotions right now. I so have to remember this feeling as things go along.
Carlton
Take One Step at a time.
Take One Step at a time.
2 comments:
Carlton I left a long comment for you but it must not have saved properly and its all gone. You are doing great. You know why? Because you are focusing on you. That is where your focus should be. I know that for me, the worst thing is setting up things and then blowing them all - makes me feel like such an idiot. More importantly it makes me feel like 'whats the use!' and then I eat and eat and eat. So I don't do that anymore. Listen, why not be easier on yourself. You are juggling alot of stuff at the moment. Also action result in motivation. You have done this before, you can do it again. So how about making the challenge have minimum goals, target goals and stretch goals. So...lets say... just as an exampe, you say Min goals is 20 minutes exercise 5 days a week. Goal is 4 minutes and stretch is 60 minutes. Then go for 60 minutes, but if you commit to at LEAST 20 minutes then I will hold you to that if you like. Every day you get up, aim for 60 minutes, but lets say you sleep in or just feel lethargic... and you do 20 minutes - well thats great! You get to work and post on The River Lougne that you did it. I'll also post their what I did in the morning. Its going to be a HUGE struggle for me because I am so NOT a morning person. But I will do it.Fact is, some mornings I will get up too late to do my exercise and might skip it (and feel really bad because that means the dogs missed out on exercise too) or just do part of it. But then I will try to get to my minimum by making for any shortfall when I get home from work. I was thinking about your weekly target loss too. Why not go for 0.5kg as a minimum goal per week. Goal is 0.75kg per week and stretch goal is 1kg or more per week? Again, its fantastic because it do-able with everything you are juggling and you will be moving in the right directions. I bet if you can do your minimums for a couple of weeks you will feel so much better. Take a look at the new spreadsheet I posted. I put in a individual tracker to use so each say you can tick off how much exercise you did. You can customise this to suit your own purposed. Why not have a play with that tonight and see if you make it so you have min goal/ goal / and stretch goal targets for exercise and weight loss. Carlton, baby steps. Go easy on yourself. Remebrr those clothes we are going to fit into. Msaybe take your favourite peice and hang it outside your wardrobe so you can see it. If you are feelign at all overwhelmed, I really recommend the three tiered approach. We have to look after our mental state because that is where everything starts. When you get good start, it wil motivate you to keep on going. I need you to do this and to keep me focused. I am an upbeat person and people that experience depression often tell me I am so different to them, but I am fat and I really you to keep me focused and to keep on track. And I really want to share this with you. I was hoping to reach Coco for her to join us but she has gone MIA for the moment. You are not alone. We can do this. We are different, and we might not keep up with each othr, but as long as we do this together we will end up both at 80kg together one day. Its totally do-able. One step at a time. A journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step. A big hug Carlton. Rainbow.
That was 40 minutes, not 4 in the post above.
Carlton, lets take that first step tomorrow. I will post in the morning how I did before work.
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