Saturday, July 29, 2006

Oh What a Day

This is a picture of my cat Zac who was the cause of my stress and frustration today.

I took Zac and my other cat Zelda over to my dad's place this afternoon so they could spend some time with him and spend some time in his backyard.

I let Zac and Zelda out the back yard at 2 p.m. and then spent some time doing my cross stitch. At 2.30 p.m. I decided to check on them and could only find Zelda. The stress and frustration came when I discovered that the side gate was opened and I couldn't find Zac anywhere. He wasn't coming to his name being called and the shaking of treat packets. I, my dad and my brother searched everyone in the backyard and under the house, still nothing. I took to walking the streets and calling out his name, still nothing. My dad and brother gave up searching but I kept searching the streets and every so often coming back and searching the backyard and under the house again, but nothing. Eventually at 4.45 p.m. I get a text message from my brother telling me Zac had been found. I was so happy but angry at the same time.

We do not know where Zac spend this time as when he had, had enough exploring he walked up the back steps and tried to get back in the house (I had closed the door so I at least knew where Zelda was during the search) and was meowing at Zelda through the door. My brother thinks the whole thing was funny and that Zac shouldn't be in trouble because at least he came home.

You need to bear in mind that Zac is a 4 year old indoor cat who hasn't been exposed for great length of time to the outside world and has no street sense. During his missing time I was in tears, hysterical and thinking how to I explain to my partner that Zac got out and is now missing. Zac is his favourite cat. Also I wasn't looking forward to Zelda pinning for Zac, apparently she was walking about the lounge room looking for him and wondering what was going on.

I am glad it all worked out in the end and in future I will check the side gate to make sure it is locked.

Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Not much happening at the moment

Yes as the title indicates, not much is happening in my life at the moment. I'm sick with the flu and have spend the better part of the past few days in bed.

I did go and spend some time with my dad yesterday afternoon, took him to the cementary to see mum's cremation plot and then we went shopping and had lunch. Normally I'd also stay for dinner but came home early as I wasn't feeling well.

Spoke with bf last night regarding how he is going and our relationship. Have discovered he doesn't like being referred to as bf and would much prefer to be called my partner. So going forward I will respect his request and refer to him as my partner. He is going really well but I do miss him greatly. I also can't believe that I have never felt more at ease and happy in a relationship with him. Even at the very beginning over 4 years ago, I was always stressed about something.

Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Cleaning - Yes that horrible word again

If you have been reading my previous blogs, I have been spending a lot of time uncluttering my townhouse now that bf's stuff has gone. It still seems weird calling him bf again and not exbf.

I can't believe how much stuff, mainly junk/paper I have kept of the past 8 years I've lived in this house. Whilst it was a while ago, 3 years infact, that I did the last major clean up (when bf moved in) and chucked a lot of stuff out, I still can't believe all of the paper I have kept since then. I still need to do a good dusting and vacum the whole house, I must say it is starting to look good and like a home you would be happy to invite people over to.

Yesterday afternoon and last night I spend some time uncluttering my bedroom. I even rearranged the bedroom and just by moving a few small items, it looks so much better.

My eating hasn't been the best during the past week, mainly due to me having visitors and being out of my normal routine. As some of you know that I joined sureslim last March and whilst the program is good, it not something that I find myself sticking to, so I decided that I had to do something with my weight and I rejoined Weight Watchers last Wednesday night. It wasn't the ideal time to do it with visitors coming to stay but if I waited for the perfect time, it would never happen and I want to look and feel better for the C2S dinner in August. Ist weight in at Weight Watchers is tonight and not looking forward to it. I know that I have lost some weight this week but not as much as I would have liked.

I also had a really sore throat yesterday and woke up with the flu today. Not feeling the best and just want to curl up in front of the heater today and do nothing. Its a bit like the weather in Sydney today, raining and miserable.

Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


Just testing on how to resize my photo's using Posted by Picasa. I have also decided to add this photo to my profile. Will update it on a regular basis as I lose more weight.

Cat Heaven

Cat Heaven

A cat died and went to Heaven.

God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again."God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing?

Are you happy?"The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!"

Never pay for the same kilo twice

Life at the moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life, what can I say. Sorry for not posting for a while, however, I've had visitors and friends over for dinner etc during the past week and have been very busy.

I tried to upload a picture for this blog but am having trouble doing so and will have to go ahead without one.

Not sure how to begin this blog and this is going to be a long one, as so much has happened during the past week. I am enjoying my time off work and feel so relaxed and carefree at the moment.

Exbf was in Sydney for a few days and we spend some time together. Exbf and I had a few really long, deep & meaningful discussions over the weekend, mainly about life, our relationship and how things are going for him now he is living back with his parents. After much discussion we have decided to give our relationship another go. We actually sat down and discussed what we both want out of the relationship and have decided as a starting point, the following:-

1. Take things slowly.
2. To try and recreate what we had when we first of all got together.
3. Communication is very important.
4. Try not to control or put too much pressure on the other person.
5. Be exclusive.
6. Have fun together and enjoy the time we have together.
7. As he now lives 400 kms away we will try to see each other every 2nd weekend. Financially we both can't afford every weekend.
8. Give each other some space and share the STD phone calls.
9. I do not want to feel used and taken for granted.

These are in no particular order and may sound a little over the top but we need guidelines in this relationship. We tried it for 4 years without guidelines and not discussing what we both wanted or needed out of the relationship and it didn't work out. I need to feel secure in my decision to give the relationship another go, especially with him being 400 kms away and learning to trust him again.

We had a few hick ups over the weekend but were adult enough to talk about them and sort them out. Overall the weekend was a good one, not everything we planned to do happen but we spent a lot of time talking about things and seeing what we can do to make the relationship work. We had some good progress.

The house was very quiet and lonely when he left today. This morning we were going to go for a walk but by the time we got organized it started to rain and hasn't really stopped since. Needless to say we didn't go for the walk as I don't walk in the rain and we only had 1 small umbrella.

It's a little strange referring exbf to bf again but I'm sure I'll get use to it. It was only on Thursday night that I was discussing the relationship with my therapist and was telling her that we were taking about trying again but I was very causious about this and we needed to talk about it in some detail. I also said that I was comfortable in being single again but missed the company of him. Don't get me wrong we haven't gotten back together because we miss each other company, we generally want to be together etc.

Bf took the last of his stuff with him today and it is very strange not having his stuff here, as it has been here for 3 years. With all of bf's stuff gone from my house, this afternoon was a good time for me to reorganize my house.

I started in the kitchen and also decided to reorganize the benchers. I then started in the spare room and got out all of the boxes I have in the cupboard and through out all of the papers I had just stuffed in them. It felt so good to get these out of the house. I even went so far as to take all of the lace curtains down and wash them. As it was raining, I had to put them in the warm cycle in the dryer and I can't believe how white they actually are. I can't remember when they were last washed and bf actually thought they were a tan colour. That comment makes me feel what a bad house keeper I am. I even decided to wash all of the windows, inside only and would love to wash the outside ones but as I live in a townhouse it's not possible under water restrictions.

During my clean up I found a cross stitch I started about 4 years ago of my cat Teddy and never finished it. I even managed to spend a few hours tonight doing it.

Eating over the past week has been a little up and own but I have tried to make healthier choices. ItÂ’s so hard when you have people staying or over for dinner. Weigh in this week will be interesting. Dinner last night was relatively healthly choice. I cooked scotch fillet steaks, beans, carrots, onion, capscium & mushrooms and 3 cheese potato bake. The bad food was a toblerone cheescake. I did make sure that bf took some home today and my dad with get the remainder when I go over tomorrow to see him.

I am so enjoying my time at home and can't remember the last time I had holidays and didn't go way. It actually feels good and something I really needed. I feel very happy with myself today and had a great day cleaning and uncluttering my home.

Whilst I'm on this roll, my bedroom is on my list for tomorrow. It is looking so cluttered and messy at the moment. The Virgo is coming out in me despite bf trying to take the credit for all of my cleaning. His comment tonight was that he should come and stay more often if I'm going to spend the day spring cleaning when he leaves.

I must admit that I do hate and I mean hate cleaning but when I do it, I do it well and spend hours doing it.

Well I better go and try to get some sleep, I don't sleep well when its raining and its still raining pretty hard right now.

Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Trip to the Zoo

I never thought I'd ever post a photo of me in this blog as I originally used it just to vent from problems and frustrations. Its taken me about 7 months to feel so comfortable with the people that read this blog that I have decided unveil myself and post a photo of the real me. (My therapist and exbf would be so proud I've taken this step.).

This photo was taken yesterday outside the new elephant exhibition, but sadly there were no elephants to see. After seeming this photo, I look so huge and it reminds me of how much I have let myself go in the past few weeks. I am going to get back on track from tomorrow and put an effort into my life and appearance. My current inspiration is the online bloggers dinner I'm going to mid August in Sydney. I have never met any one who is going to this dinner and is a little daunting & exciting at the same time. (Again this is outside my comfort zone and this isn't something I thought I'd ever do either).

Yesterday I went to the Zoo with a girlfriend, her kids and her mother. It was such a great day, weather wise it started off sunny in Sydney but got a little cold and overcast in the afternoon.

I had such a great time walking around the zoo and taking lots of pictures. I felt so alive and free, like I didn't have a problem in the world. We were there for about 5 hours and everyone was so tired when we left.

It was a shame that there is so much work going on in the Zoo that half of the exhibitions are closed and that the Asian elephants aren't there yet.

When I got home all I wanted to do was relax and sleep. It didn't help that I had such a headache.

Today is a day of relaxation. I didn't get out of bed until 11.30 a.m. and am off to do the shopping and have my nails done soon.



Hi everyone I'm back from my trip to Grenfell. Sorry I didn't post whilst I was away but wireless broadband was way too slow at exbf's parents place.

Time away was mostly good and whilst it rained a lot we did have lots of time to talk etc. It is really weird being around him cause some times it feels the past 2 years haven't occurred and that we have been together all along and other times, its really weird to have him around. It was good to spend some time together and have lots of close moments.

We had such a great time together and really opened up to each other, that we are even talking about seeing how things go and getting back together. We have both agreed to take things slowly and see what happens.

Leaving him in Grenfell was hard. I so didn't want to leave him. We were talking and mucking around a little in the bedroom before I left and I was in tears. It hurt so much to leave. We didn't eventually talk about this and my fear of us drifting apart and never seeing each other. I am also fearful that I get to see less of him now than I did before (long story there). I was pleased with his response of "well see what we can do about that".

Honestly I'm not really sure about getting back together, because I do not want to be hurt again and have my heart broken. I'm in two minds about everything. I love being with him and we did have a great long weekend together but I fear being hurt and used again. I think I should talk to him about this and take a risk of being a little vunerable.

I'm not sure his parents want to see us get back together, as they love having him home and all to themselves. I feel a little uncomfortable going to there place and ring him there, as I feel that I am always being watched and judged. Don't get me wrong they are lovely people and we get along really well but I just don't feel really comfortable around them. Might just be me and might be the emotional roll a coaster my life is at the moment.


Wednesday, July 12, 2006

1st day of holidays

Today is the first day of my holidays. I've taken 2 1/2 weeks off from work.
Exbf comes home tomorrow and I'm a little nervous about it all.

I'm picking him up and then were going to have some lunch and talk about a few things. He wants to see his kids after lunch and then I will drive him to his parents place at Grenfell. I'm going to spend a few days at Grenfell and then come home and relax. He will be back in Sydney next week to see his daughter who turns 5 and wants to spend a few more days with me. I haven't decided yet if I can coupe with this. Will see how the few days go at this parents place.

The cats weren't happy last night, when I told them they are going on holidays to the vets, they don't like going. They seem to be really clingy today, going everywhere I go.

Had to get 2 new tyres on my car today and wheel alignment. I spend the rest of the morning shopping and then spend the afternoon cleaning my car and house. The house smells so clean and fresh. You have to love the Myers sale. I got 3 long sleeve t-shirts for $60 instead of $120. I so love a bargain.

I'll be taking my computer with me to Grenfell and sure hope that wireless broadband works out there.

I can't wait to do some relaxing things, as I so need a holiday. The red wine represents a few that I will have tonight and whilst I'm at Grenfell.


Tuesday, July 11, 2006

My Journey

Thought I better do another update. Its been a while since I've been there. I managed to survive end of financial year, which for some reason wasn't as busy as last year with last minute loan requests.

My head has been all over the place lately. The new manager at work is doing my head in. I can't believe how someone can be so lasy and ready to palm off anything you can, especially when you've just started with a new company and are on probation. For someone who says that she managed a porfolio of 80 clients with lending up to $3million, she can't even speak to a client without help. Sorry whilst I do have high standards lending is lending which ever bank you work for. The basic questions are the same. You still need to ask:-

1. who's borrowing the funds.
2. what it is for.
3. how is it going to be repaid.
4. what is going to secure the loan.

All I have been asking her to do is ask the above questions and I will help her sort out the appropriate products, pricing etc.

Ok, she doesn't know the products and procedures but we can help her with that. For someone who has completed 4 years of Uni, she has no ability to retain any information and can not do anything without someone spoon feeding her.

I don't have time to spoon feed her with this job.
I do not have time to watch everything she does.
I do not have time to tell her what she needs to write in emails, letters etc.
I do not have time to sit in with every phone call etc.

I do expect that she can do the generic parts of the job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She has been working for this employer for 6 weeks now and with her so called experience as a relationship manager, she should be able to at least do the basic stuff. Am I really asking too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm also stressing about exbf coming home. He comes home on Thursday this week and whilst I am happy he is coming home, its also doing my head in as well. I've been so on edge all week about this, we've even had a few big fights over this. I've taken 2 1/2 weeks off work and will be so glad when he is home and at his parents place.