Friday, December 28, 2007

Neet to be strong

OK I need to be strong. I've arrived at work and they have put out the left over junk food from out Christmas lunch last week. There is Christmas cake, pudding, cream, custard, lollies, chocolates, chips and nuts. They are trying to encourage us all to eat them but don't they realise we have already eaten too much of this food during the holidays.

I am feeling so fat today, its not funny. I have already eaten my fruit so now i just need to be strong and drink more water. Don't people in this office realise that we are all over Christmas food and junk and we want to eat healthy.

I might just have to leave early today like lunch time, as one of the assistants has this Christmas email playing and it is really annoying me (its only been going for 5 mins and I'm so over it, the same thing over and over again). I don't have a lot of work to do this week seeing most of my clients are on leave and I'm not feeling to well today. Bloody sinus and hay fever. I'm so over it. I also need to sleep as I discovered facebook last night and was on the computer until about 1 a.m. and then I was wide awake an couldn't sleep.

Well better go and see if I have any work needing to be done.

Take One Step at a time.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Survived Christmas 2007

I know this picture is not very encouraging but it is how I'm feeling when I look at myself in the mirror.

I survived Christmas day and whilst I did over eat and not game to log my calories in calorie king I did peak on the scales and had a 400 gram gain since yesterday. Some of that is probably from the excess salt I ate yesterday from the smoked ham we ate and from the 1/2 packet of cracker snacks I ate.

Today is a new day and I'm feeling inspired at the moment, so I've decided to start on the low GI eating today instead of waiting till next week. Now I realise that we have New Years Eve in a week and I was going to wait until after that but the whole idea of low GI eating is that it fits into our day to day lives and I'm going to have lots more new years eve's to have to deal with so its better I start now. One of the book's I've bought recently is called the low GI diet and it comes with a 12 week action plan, which is one of the main reasons I bought this book. To begin with this 12 week action plan is going to really help me but me back into a eating plan and give me a helping start.

The action plans help you with food goals, exercise goals, activity goals and food for thought (ways we think about food and the good & bad of food) goals each week.

The book is a very interesting and great book if you want to get started on eating the GI way and well worth the money.

Well I better go and have some breakfast and feed the cats.

I'm back and have Edited this post at 12.30 p.m.:-
OK after having breakfast I was thinking that I should be accountable to myself on this blog and have decided to list my weight and measurements on here. Whilst I'm pretty embarrassed about them, I have to start somewhere, so here goes:-

Weight 26/12/07 is 114.8 kilos
Arms are 44 Cm's
Hips are 143 Cm's
Chest is 120 Cm's
Thighs are 66 Cm's
Upper Stomach is 137 Cm's

Whilst this photo was not taken today and is about 4 months old, it is pretty close to how I look now. So I am going to use it was my before shot.
My first goal is to get under 100 kilos and I am determined to stay there this time. My rewards for this is a ipod nano and $200 dollars of i tune gift cards.

Take One Step at a time.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas



Monday, December 24, 2007

Weight Loss Journey

I'm very excited that I'm finally able to use blogger at work again, which makes it a bit easier to blog more often. I just don't seem to have the time when I get home these days.
I woke up late this morning, well actually 10 minutes before I was meant to be at work 7.50 a.m. and in my rush to get here I didn't remember to weigh myself, so it looks like I will be starting the Low GI eating plan next week.

I am still going to be careful in what I eat this week and plan to have a few lollies, crackers, ham, lamb, green salad tomorrow. I bought 4 small individual Christmas puddings the other day so I will have one of them with some no fat custard for desert. The other 3 puddings will either be eaten by my dad or my brother.

Take One Step at a time.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Yes I am still around

Yes I am still alive and kicking. I can't believe its been so long since I've blogged anything. Life has just been so busy lately.

Dad is still hanging in there. He has lost a lot of weight and now weights only 52 kilos (he was 70 kilos in Jan 07 when he went into the nursing home). The cancer has well and truly taken its toll and I'm not sure how much longer he has.

Well I've been looking at my diet over the past few months and have decided to start a Low GI diet. I've done a lot of research, read many books and think this is the right eating plan for me. Now just have to decided should I start tomorrow the day before Christmas or on 1/1/08.
I also can't believe that Christmas is only 2 days away and new years eve is just over a week away. It so doesn't feel like Christmas and this year has gone so fast.
Not much else to blog at the moment and I do need to go to sleep now.
Take One Step at a time.

Friday, October 05, 2007

MMMM Time for reflection

MMMMM its time for reflection on what to do about my health and my weight. It seems like that I am always doing this and finding a plan of attack but never stick at it long enough for it to work.

Well it has to stop now because my health is at Risk. Whilst I have also know it is a Risk, it is now reflected on my medical results and others know about it too. I can no longer say with honesty that whilst I am fat I am also healthy!!!!!!!! Now that might be a bit dramatic but its how I'm feeling right now.

MMMM This time I know that what ever I choice to do, it needs to be something that is easy, fits into my life style and that I can do forever. Big decision and lots of thinking and research to do.

After thinking about my results and getting some advise from a great group of women from a site I visit regular, I do realise that the results are not that bad or the end of the world, but they were a real shock for me. Even though my mum had diabetes and lower than normal B12, I still never thought I'd ever have a problem with them.

Some of these ladies have suggested me getting out my CSIRO books again, reading the Syndrome X book by Dr Sandra Cabot or the Low GI diet my Dr suggested. I did get out the Syndrome X book and have tried reading this before but found it a little too technical and hard to read. This time I've started reading the parts that I feel are relevant to me and what's happening with my body, whilst this program is very restrictive, it does have some great sounding recipes in it.

The more I read about what I should be doing the more dizzy my head gets.

I have started taking my vitamins again today, so I'm taking the following:-

1. a multi vitamin.
2. Calcium supplement.
3. Vitamin B12 (new to the list)
4. Fish Oil tablets
5. my anti depressant tablet
6. Nasal spray for my hay fever
7. Antibiotic's (for my hay fever and infected sinuses.)

Now when I have them all out on the kitchen bench I feel like saying "god do I really have to take all these pills, people will hear me coming from a mile away cause I will rattle."

Now the search is on for a sustainable eating program that will improve my cholesterol, reduce the risk of diabetes and lose weight. And it also has to be easy, fit into my lifestyle and something I can do forever, so none of these fad diets/eating plans for me.

Well I'm off tomorrow for a 2 hour walk with Linda which should be good. Better go and get some sleep.

Tomorrow is another day and I'm feeling better about it.

Take One Step at a time.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

So upset with myself.

I'm a little upset at the moment as I got the results of my recent blood tests were not that good. Dr has advised me the following:-

1. I have a slight B12 deficiency, so I get to take B12 tablets.

2. Cholesterol is at 5.5 and whilst on the higher side of normal, he would prefer it to be lower,

3.I am borderline diabetic or to use his woulds I can't call you a diabetic yet?

4. My fat around my liver is also higher than it should be.

So basically I need to lose weight, especially around my stomach and hips. His advice at the moment, is to follow a low GI diet and take B12 tablets. Oh the operation that I'm looking at having should help with me losing weight.

Oh and ice cream, cream, chocolate etc are not on the menu for me anymore, otherwise I will become a full blown diabetic.

At this stage my head is still spinning around and around with what do I do first.

So basically all my emotional eating and my inability to control what I eat and how much I eat is finally having a toll on my health & body and not in a good way.

Take One Step at a Time.

Friday, September 14, 2007

7 Bridges Walk - 28/10/07

This is the map for the 7 Bridges Walk around Sydney on 28/10/07. Its approximately 25 kms and a challenging walk because about 5 kms of it is hilly and depending on where you start the walk they are either in the beginning or at the end.

Last year we started in the City and the hills were towards the end, which is really tough when you have walked say 15 kms and then come across 5 km of hills. This year we are going to tackle the hills first.

The other thing we learnt after last year was that I need to prepare for this walk other wise my calf muscles will cramp up and I will hardly be able to walk the next day.

This year I have my F11 heart rate monitor, so it will be interesting how may calories I burn during this walk.

It is a great event and helps raise money for beyondblue: the national depression initiative, The Cancer Council NSW, Diabetes Australia – NSW and The Heart Foundation.

The majority of these charities have touched my life in the past few years. My mum had diabetes and died of cancer nearly 2 years ago now, my dad has terminal cancer. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, which is now under control. The only one not touching my life in the past 5 years in the Heart Foundation, however it is still a very important Charity.

Any one interested in website is

Take One Step at a time.

Monday, August 27, 2007


I'm so glad that I have my F11 working again as it keeps me so focused on exercise.
I've started exercising on my own tonight and walked for 45 mins and so far I'm feeling really good. I also burnt 397 calories on my walk.
I'm planning on walking the 7 Bridges Walk again this year and am determined to get fitter, lose some weight before the big day. I'm walking with a few online friends and we have decided on the following timetable. Lynda and Suse are a lot fitter than me at the moment and also weigh a lot less as well, so I will also be walking by myself during the week and maybe on Sundays as well (see how I pull up and feel as I don't want to burn out to quickly and give up all together).
* Sat Sept 1 at 9am - Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda (Note: this is 1 lap, if you want to do 2 laps would have to meet at 8am)
* Sun Sept 2 at 3:30pm - Bay Interval Run - Suse & Lynda
* Fri Sept 7 time TBD - Double (2 laps) Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda (Note: we can do a longer walk elsewhere if you like, but I want to avoid the APEC crud in the city and getting public transport in there. But if you want to drive us somewhere i.e. watsons bay, then we walk to Coogee and bus back is ok with me)
* Sat Sept 8 at 9am - Double (2 laps) Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda
* Sun Sept 9 at 3pm - Bay Interval Run - Suse & Lynda
* Sat Sept 15 at 9am - Single Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda
* Sun Sept 16 at 3pm - Bay Run - RUN 4KM of it!!!! - Suse & Lynda
* Sat Sept 22 at 9am - Double (2 laps) Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda
* Sun Sept 23 at crack o dawn - Sydney Bridge Run 4KM - Suse & Lynda
* Sat Sept 29 at 9am - Single Bay Walk
* Sun Sept 30 - Day Off. Lynda and Suse to solo jog as its off week + Lynda's Dad's birthday so family commitments.
* Mon Oct 1 (aka Labour Day) at 10 am - 7 Bridges Prac Walk #1 via C2S Route + Bronte extension - Carlton & Lynda (Note: will skip Bronte bit if you need to rush back)
* Sat Oct 6 - Double Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda
* Sun Oct 7 - Bay interval Run - Suse & Lynda
* Sat Oct 13 - Day off due to long walk on next day (and its a nail day)
* Sun Oct 14 at 9am - 7 Bridges Prac Walk #2 on actual 7 Bridges Route - Suse, Carlton & Lynda
* Sat 20 Oct - Double Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda
* Sun 21 Oct - Day off. Note: Lynda & Suse to do solo runs (as is off week). Calrtn to do solo walk
* Sat 27 Oct = Day of Rest, as day before the big day
* Sun Oct 28 - 7 Bridges Walk - Suse, Carlton & Lynda
Take One Step at a Time.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Weigh In 26/08/07

Start Weight on 8/8/07 = 117 kilos (same weight I was 2 1/2 years ago when I started this journey)

This week 26/08/07 = 113 kilos

Loss this week 300 grams.

Loss so far 4 kilos.

Life as far as my eating goes is starting to settle down. I am trying to keep within the following guidelines as per CK:-

Calories = 1500 per day (i've reduced the calories down from CK's recommendation of 1730 due to not exercising at the moment).
Fat = 51 grams per day
Sat Fat = 16 grams per day
Protein = 114 grams per day
Carbs = 205 grams per day
Fibre = 25 grams per day
Drink at least 6 glass of water per day

Up until now I have been focusing on my eating habits and haven't included exercise (which is a bonus if I do anything). Now that I have gotten my polar F11 fixed I will be a little more motivated to exercise again. I will start off slowly and then build up.

In regards to the lap band surgery I am still looking at doing this but it will depend on if I can access some money from my superannuation to pay for the out of pocket expenses. I will have an answer for this within the next month.

Take One Step at a time.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Weight Issues

Sorry I haven't posted in what seems like for ever, but I've been really busy at work, looking after 3 portfolio of clients. I've also started a new job last week, similar to what I was doing but now more complex and bigger lending clients. Oh and so far not as much stress but its only been week 1..............................
Yes as the picture says I'm really pissed off but with myself weight wise. I have allowed myself to eat anything and everything in sight.
I really hate how I look in the mirror lately in what clothes I'm wearing. It really looks like I'm pregant when I'm not................
Needless to say I have put back on all the weight I've lost since I started this journey. This means that I am back at my original starting weight of 117 kilos. Not happy Jan but apart from being embarrassed about it, I do find it easier to share this figure with you.

I've realised that I need to start eating healthy now and sticking to a calorie count, so when I do have this operation, the limited food will not be as tough on my system. As at Wednesday (I think) I started using CK diary again and whilst I'm on a lot of calories there, I feel like I'm in a little more control of the food that I eat. I am also trying to be honest in the diary so if I eat cake, then it goes in. Trying to stay within my carbs grams is proving to be a challenge but its still early days and my choices haven't always been the best ones.
Oh is your a CK member, feel free to drop by my diary and take a look. Also feel free to given me some advice and guidance in need. The website address is Its free to join these days.....

Just needed to vent a little that's all....................
I will try and post a little more regularly now that work is settling down a little.
Take One Step at a time.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Another Step Closer to Lap-Banding

As the title suggests I'm another step closer to having lap band surgery done. Before the surgery date can be booked you need to have some blood tests done.

Well I went and had them this morning. I realise that you have to have a few tests done but they took 8 viles of blood from my body, I didn't think they were going to leave any left for me to function with.

Next steps are to go back to the surgeon next Tuesday and discuss the results and hopefully book a date for the surgery.


Thursday, July 05, 2007

Lap Band Glory Box

I got this idea from Kristy who has recently had lap band surgery and thought it was a great idea.
My lap band glory box:-
*small bread plate (a fancy one!)
*small fork *small bowl (have already)
*small spoon
*bio oil (for scaring)
*Mederma (for scaring)
*Sustagen hospital grade with added fibre
*my lap band guide & the gastric banding guide from food talk (which I already have!)
*Popsicle maker - i think there is one at my parents place for when we were growing up
*mini blender - I do have one but its about 10 years old and need a new one.
*small freeze able containers (250 ml) (have lots and lots of these / joys of living alone for so long)
*straws (always have these in the cupboard)
*small drinking cup (have this already) (100/250 ml)
As you can see still have a few things yet to get.
Jodie yes I forgot to mention about the recovery time. All going well you are in hospital overnight (you could go home same day if you wanted) and your off work for about 1 week. I'll probably take another week off holidays so I'm fully recovered when I go back to my busy job.
You need to switch to either optifast, tony Ferguson shakes 2 weeks before the operation and this helps to cleanse the liver and helps with the recovery time (apparently the physical pain isn't as great if you have the shakes before hand). Then for the first 4 weeks after the operation you move from a liquid diet to mushy foods and then on to solid food. You are also to expect to be intolerant to some kinds of foods but its different for everyone so you really need to experiment with that one.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Frist Surgeon Visit - Lapband Surgery

Just an update. I went and saw the surgeon today and he is lovely, he answered all my questions and is rather laid back about the whole procedure and on going care. Don't get me wrong he is very professional but his bedside manner is fabulous.

My next steps are to go and have some blood tests done. I know just have to work out when I can have them done. Obviously I need to fast before hand and need to work out when I don't have an early meeting at work so I don't have to stress about how long I have to wait for them. At this stage its looking like it might be next Tuesday that I will go and get them done.

I've also made another appointment to see him to discuss the blood results, next steps, payment of the out of pocket expenses and when I can have the operation. At this stage it is looking like the operation will be in approximately 8 weeks time. As an estimate the out of pocket expenses are between $3500 and $5000 which is what I was expecting. They are going to send me a quote as it depends what my health cover will pay for and what the others charge.

Whilst I would prefer to have it done on the public list, sadly in Sydney the list has been closed and they are not taking any more names. The list is way too long, last I heard it was about 8 years and I would not wait that long.The surgeon I've chosen does 3 kinds of overweight surgery, lap-band, sleeve surgery (cross between lap-band and gastric bypass surgery) and gastric bypass. I was always leaning towards Lap-band surgery and the surgeon agrees with my choice. If I wanted the others done he would do them but basically the others can not be reversed if you change your mind down the track, where as the lap-band can be taken out if you change your mind.

I so can't believe that I stressed for nothing over this appointment.

I so excited about this and now can't wait for it all to happen.

Take One step at a time.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Starting to get nervous

Yes that is right, I'm starting to get nervous. I have my first appointment with Dr Talbot tomorrow at 3 p.m. and starting to get nervous over it.

I think I'm also starting to stress about what to expect, will I be accepted, will my superannuation approve the early release so I can pay for the out of pocket expenses, will I actually go through with it all etc.

I'm sure most people go through this but for me its such a big step. Its also me admitting that I can't do this alone and I need some serious help to reduce the amount of food that I eat.
I'm sure this is normal but I will be so glad when the appointment tomorrow is over and I know more about the whole process.
Oh I also watched the online show of Mikey Robins regarding this lap band surgey today and it moved me so much that I was close to tears. His story is so much like mine................
There the link if you missed the show It was aired on the ABC last night and will be replaced on Saturday at 12.30 p.m.
Take One Step at a Time.

Monday, July 02, 2007

MIA - Sorry

Yes as this picture indicates I have put on even more weight.

I've had a mixed today today. I'm so glad the end of the financial year is finally over but when I got to work today I was greeted with bad and sad news.

One of the ladies that I work will (she worked part time) finished up last Wednesday to go on maternity leave. The baby was due in 2 weeks, unfortunately they both died on Friday night. My friend Sharon apparently had a coughing fit and couldn't breath. Her neighbour called the ambulance but she died in the ambulance on the way to hospital. Understandably the back of an ambulance is not the place to perform an emergency c section to try and save the baby, also I'm wouldn't think that the ambulance officers would be trained to do such a thing any way. It is so unreal and I really can't believe she is gone. Sharon was so full of life and was so looking forward to the birth of her 2nd baby and her 40th birthday. I so feel sorry for her little boy who is nearly 3 and now has to grow up without a mother. Riley also doesn't really know his father and now only has elderly grandparents to look after him. I am so not looking forward to this funeral either later this week or next week, depending on when there bodies are released.

On my weight loss journey, as I said before I have lost the plot and put on even more weight.

It is now only 2 more days till I go and see the surgeon regarding lap band surgery. I'm starting to get nervous and excited at the same time. I have decided that if the surgeon accepts me as a suitable candidate then I will go ahead with it. Oh of course if I can get about $5k out of my superannuation to pay for the out of pocket expenses.

Not much else to say really. I will try to blog more but its hard now that the fire walls at work have blocked blogger.

Take One Step at a time.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Weight Loss Journey

Yes I am still around, I've just had a small break from blogging. Thanks for all those people who left warm wishes and messages, they were all very appreciated. During this time away I've been reflecting on my life, my goals, and most of all my weight loss journey. I have also realised that whilst my life has been tough over the past few years, I'm glad that I went through it all and even very proud how I've come through it. I can finally say that I am happy with my life and happy being single and I don't need a man to complete my life. The only things I'm not happy with or in control of is my weight and what I eat. I'm now looking at ways to solve this problem.

One major things I've realised that I've been trying to lose weight now for at least 10 years and honestly I have lost weight but I HAVE put it all back on. Yes I am the same weight I was 10 years ago. During these 10 years I have tried many different diets/programs, the major ones being:-

* weight watchers (on more than one occasion)
* sureslim
* lite n easy
* calorie controlled diets (calorieking etc)
* low carb
* CSIRO diet
* The biggest loser diet

and many other ones from the magazines. I've had some success with them but nothing long term. I've realised for me to be successful in losing weight it all comes down to my ability to control my hunger and the amount that I eat. At this stage I'm looking at ways that I can control my hunger and the amount that I eat and I'm looking into surgery options at the moment. I know there are lots of you out there that will not agree with such drastic methods but I need to do what is right for me and what I've been doing over the past 10 years hasn't worked. Its time to look at new options and the option I'm looking into at the moment is lap band surgery.

During the past 2 weeks I've been doing a lot of reading about losing weight and what options are available to a morbidly obese person like myself. Until lately I've really hated and I haven't wanted to admit that I am morbidly obese but who am I kidding, I am and it is only me who can change that.

During my reading I've found the following interesting paragraphs that I thought I'd share with you all:-

Non-surgical methods of losing weight may eventually fail because they require daily compliance for the rest of your life. Our bodies are designed to fight weight loss so when someone diets their body becomes significantly more efficient and their brain sends stronger and stronger hunger signals. This explains the intolerable discomfort associated with dieting and the rapidity with which weight returns after a diet. The majority of people seeking surgery for long term weight control have had successful short term weight loss with diets in the past. Regardless of the amount of weight lost your body will wish to return to the weight you were before the diet.

Almost 60% of Australian adults have a weight problem and for those who are severely overweight Bariatric (obesity) Surgery offers the real possibility of lifelong weight control. Thousands of people in Australia die every year from obesity related diseases and hundreds of thousands suffer medical, physical and social disability.

The last 2 paragraphs were written by Dr Michael L Talbot. MB ChB FRACS.
Dr Talbot is a specialty trained Upper Gastrointestinal, Laparoscopic and Endoscopic Surgeon based at St George Hospital. He consults from the Department of Surgery at St George Hospital, at Suite 1 26-28 Gipps St Miranda, at the Wollongong Day Surgery and at the Sydney Institute of Obesity Surgery in Ashfield.

Lapband Surgery (or Laparoscpic Gastric Banding)

Laparoscopic Gastric Banding is the most frequently performed operation for obesity in Australia and yearly accounts for 25% of obesity surgery operations worldwide. It is a very good option available for people needing to lose weight but it will not suit everyone.

Having a band placed is simply the first step in the weight loss process. Any person undergoing this operation needs to understand how the band works in order to obtain their goals.

Patients electing to undergo laparoscopic gastric banding will be cared for in a safe and supportive environment, from the time of initial consultation through to achievement of weight-loss goals and long term follow-up.

The actual lapband that goes around your stomach

How the lapband looks on your stomach.
The port is used during the fill progress post operation.

In this procedure, a hollow band made of special material is placed around the stomach near its upper end, creating a small pouch and a narrow passage into the larger remainder of the stomach. The band is then inflated with a salt solution. It can be tightened or loosened over time to change the size of the passage by increasing or decreasing the amount of salt solution. The entire procedure is done laparoscopically, where a laparoscope is inserted through the abdominal wall through small surgical incisions.

It induces weight loss by reducing the capacity of the stomach, which restricts the amount of food that can be consumed.

Minimally Invasive Approach
During the procedure, surgeons usually use laparoscopic techniques (using small incisions and long-shafted instruments), to implant an inflatable silicone band into the patient's abdomen. Like a wristwatch, the band is fastened around the upper stomach to create a new, tiny stomach pouch that limits and controls the amount of food you eat. It also creates a small outlet that slows the emptying process into the stomach and the intestines. As a result, patients experience an earlier sensation of fullness and are satisfied with smaller amounts of food. In turn, this results in weight loss.

Least Traumatic Procedure
Since there is no cutting, stapling or stomach re-routing involved in the LAP-BAND System procedure, it is considered the least traumatic of all weight loss surgeries. The laparoscopic approach to the surgery also offers the advantages of reduced post-operative pain, shortened hospital stay and quicker recovery. If for any reason the LAP-BAND System needs to be removed, the stomach generally returns to its original form.
Adjustable Treatment

The LAP-BAND System is an adjustable weight loss surgery. The diameter of the band is adjustable for a customized weight-loss rate. Your individual needs can change as you lose weight.

To modify the size of the band, its inner surface can be inflated or deflated with a saline solution. The band is connected by tubing to an access port, which is placed well below the skin during surgery. After the operation, the surgeon can control the amount of saline in the band by entering the port with a fine needle through the skin.

Minimal Trauma
Least invasive surgical option
No intestinal re-routing
No cutting or stapling of the stomach wall or bowel
Reduced patient pain, hospital length-of-stay and recovery period

Fewer Risks and Side Effects
Significantly lower mortality risk than other obesity surgery procedures
Low risk of nutritional deficiencies associated with gastric bypass
Reduced risk of hair loss
No “dumping syndrome” related to dietary intake restrictions

Allows individualized degree of restriction for ideal, long-term weight loss
Adjustments performed without additional surgery
Supports pregnancy by allowing stomach outlet size to be opened for increased nutritional needs

Removable at any time
Stomach and other anatomy are generally restored to their original forms and functions

Effective Long-Term Weight Loss
More than 100,000 cases performed worldwide
Standard of care for hundreds of practices around the world
Academic publications with up to 7 years of follow-up

At this stage I am still researching this procedure and talking to as many people as I can that have had the procedure and so far I have not found anyone who isn't happy with their doctor or results. I've made an appointment to see Dr Talbot on 4/7/07 to see if I'm an acceptable person for this procedure, yes after blood tests the Dr still has to accept you as a suitable person.

Sorry this blog ended up being longer than I had originally planned it would be.

Take One Step at a time

Saturday, May 19, 2007

I've been sick

OK sorry I haven't been around much this week. I've spend most of it sick in bed. Nothing life threatening and I should be back on my feet in a few days time.

Needless to say I haven't eaten all that well during this time.

Take One Step at a Time.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Past 3 years of my life.

OK I thought I'd summarise the past few years of my life for those who have recently started reading my blog and don't know what's been going on:-

1. Dad diagnosed with cancer - October 2004
2. My mum diagnosed with breast cancer - Feb 2005
3. My darling bf (now ex) diagnosed with DVT - April 2005
4. My dad being rushed to hospital, gall bladder - June 2005
5. Me being diagnosed with depression and starting therapy - July 2005
6. My mum struggling with her cancer battle - June - September 2005
7. Mum losing her battle with cancer - October 2005
8. Dad being rushed to hospital and nearly died - December 2005
9. Nearly breaking up with darling bf - January 2006
10. Started looking after 2 portfolio's at work (300 clients) January 2006
11. Breaking up with bf - April 2006
12. Brother committed suicide - April 2006
13. Getting back together with bf - May 2006
14. Break up with bf for good - August 2006
15. Met new guy over the net - October 2006
16. Dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer and bone cancer - November 2006
17. Dad moved to a nursing home January 2007
18. Broke up with David due to him cheating on me with 2 other woman - February 2007
19. Still looking after 2 portfolios at work until today May 2007

Boy I can't believe I've been through so much and still survived. Its been a tough few years but looking back I've come through it a much stronger person.

Despite trying, I have not lost and kept off any weight since my mum died in October 2005. In fact since my dad's been sick since November 2006 I've put on 10 kilos or (15 kilos since my mum died).

Hope this helps to understand my life and its ups and downs.

Take One Step at a time.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mothers Day is your One Stop Shop
Get More at

Its Mothers Day today and I so miss my mum terribly. I have a pretty busy day today and am going to find the time to go and visit mum's cremation plot to wish her Happy Mothers Day. is your One Stop Shop
Get More at

I saw the following poem posted on ck and thought I'd share it with you. This is for all of you who have lost your mum's (for what ever reason) and miss them terribly on this their special day.


I'm sending special angels
To keep you safe and sound,
To bless you and to love you
When you are feeling down.

I've asked them to look after you
And keep away those frowns.
To cheer you up when times are tough
Or whenever you feel down.

I hope they take good care of you
And bring you lots of love,
Because I called upon them specially.
From Heaven up above.

Have a Happy Mothers Day

Take One Step at a Time

Friday, May 11, 2007

Work - OMG

Myspace Layouts

I had a meeting with my boss today for my half yearly review/appraisal (as at 30/3/07). Whilst I knew what my results were as they are based on meeting performanced based results, its always the comments that I get worried about. The meeting went for just over an hour and overall was pretty good. My boss did make a comment that I need to get less involved in things that do not always concern me (aparently people have complained about me in regards to this), the meeting did go rather well.

The thing that really surprised me and gave me a buss for the rest of the day, was that my boss told me that I was not the same person who started working for him just over 12 months ago (positive way). We discussed my personal growth and business growth, especially during such a difficult time in my life overall.

Looking back at me I am so proud of all that I have achieved and yes I am such a stronger, not as negative, more rounded (not talking weight wise) person. I've also noticed that I am also a much happier and confident person than I was 12 months ago. I do have my bad and negative days but I am now having more and more good and confident days.

I may not have achieved much weight wise this year but I have achieve so much more within myself this 12 months. I do have a lot more work to do but days like this make me realise just how far I've come. I've done most of this on my own and because I've wanted to not because I've been made to.

Just thought I'd share my positive news...................

Take One Step at a time.

Half way Mark

Its half way through the Challenge 5 June and I'm feeling so out of control at the moment.

My start weight was 110.3 on 11 April 2007 (I think that was the date)
Half way mark my weight is 108.0
Now that's a loss of 2.3 kilos.

Whilst 2.3 kilos is a fairly good result, I must admit that 1.7 kilos of this loss was in the first week. I've been pretty slack ever since.

If nothing else, its time for me to start exercising again. Its getting colder here in Sydney and none of my work jackets can be done up. I do not have the funds to buy new ones, so sorry but the weight just has to go, there is no other choice.

My eating has been OK, but structured exercise is not really present. The odd short walk but that's all I've been doing. I could also do with increasing the amount of water I drink as well.

Well its getting late and if I'm going for my walk in the morning I better go and try to sleep.

Take One Step at a time.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Financial Stress being attacked head on

As well as lots of other stress in my life, I so can't believe:-

1. how much I have let my financial obligations get out of control.
2. what a mess they are.
3. how quickly they can get out of control
4. how much I've been spending over the past few years.

Well suffice to say its started catching up with me.

Against my better judgement I've tried to push it out of my mind and ignored them. Yes I do know better than that, and I've beaten myself up enough over this. Well last night I decided to do something about it and I'm pleased to say I'm on my way to sorting them out and restructuring my debts. All of my unsecured debts will now be consolidated into one loan and then I have my housing loan. I'm rather pleased to say that I will only have two major payments per fornight now and these will cover all of my debts.

I even spend some time doing a budget tonight and OMG is all I can say. Things are going to be tight for a while but that's the price I pay for being stupid with my money and not facing the problem. Oh well it could be worse, I could have lost my house and faced complete financial ruin. Financially things will be a bit tight for a few years but then all the unsecured debts will be repaid and cleared.

OMG I still can't believe how much I've relied on a credit card to live, well no more. The credit cards have been cut up and will be cancelled once the consolidation loan has repaid them. The only card I now have is a debit mastercard, so basically if I don't have the funds then I don't buy it.

Whilst I do hate to publically admit his mistake and huge problem, it is helping me to move forward. As Dr Phil keeps saying if you don't acknowledge it, you can not fix it. So here I am saying that I suck when it comes to my finances and up until now didn't want to acknowledge them, well that has now changed and things will get easier.

I also hate to write about this here as I'm still a little worried about what people will think about me. The positive thing out of this is by posting this here is showing myself how strong I can be by facing this problem and moving forward and not backward.

Bascially I have to stop trying to keep up with the Jones and showing people what they expect to see. Instead I need to show them who I really am and admit that due to my excess spending and living beyond my means for so long that I can survive.

Take One Step at a time.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Light Bulb Moment today

Ok its been a while since I've posted a weight loss message. I must admit that I need to be honest with you all and tell you the past 2 weeks I've been struggling and wasn't really sure why. I'm home sick today, my sinus are a little infected and I think I'm coming down with a cold. I was watching Oprah today, which just happened to be a weight loss show with Bob Green and his The Best Life Diet. This show was a real light bulb moment for me and I want to admit that I have been struggling to lose weight for the past 10 years and not proud of that. During this time my highest weight has been nearly 118 kilos or 260 pounds and the smallest I've been is 80 kilos or 176 pounds. My goal weight range is between 66 kilos to 55 kilos. I'm currently 108 kilos 237 pounds and not happy about that.

One of the things on the show that really hit me is how important exercise is with weight loss. I've known this before but Oprah put it is way, if you don't want to exercise then you don't want to lose weight. Yes I hate exercise and find it really hard to find the time to do it. Again if I'm honest with myself and you all it means that I don't really want to lose weight, yes honestly if there was a magic pill to get rid of this excess weight, then I'd be taking it. I can honestly say right now that my whole life is rather over welming for lots of reasons I don't want to go into now but I can say that I need to lose weight, I'd love to lose weight but do I really want to do what it takes to lose weight, well not sure..... actually honestly its more a not really or a no.

I need to take one step back from losing weight and work on myself for a little while. Before I can lose weight I need to be able to answer the following questions:-

1. Why am I overweight, really? This is not just that I eat the wrong foods and don't exercise, why do I do this to myself? What am I hiding from?

2. Why do I want to lose weight and what am I prepared to do to lose weight?

3. What am I going to do to reclaim my life?

At this point in time I can't really honestly answer these, so I'm going to work on these. I also need to stop lying to myself about my weight and what I am going to do about it.

Bob Green has a weight loss website called and I found the following extract on it, which I thought I'd share with you all:-

"Excerpt from The Best Life Diet - by Oprah Winfrey
Another thing I know for sure now is that you’ve got to ask yourself, What kind of life do you want and how close are you to living it? You cannot ever live the life of your dreams without coming face to face with the truth. Every unwanted pound creates another layer of lies. It’s only when you peel back those layers that you will be set free: Free to work out, free to eat responsibly, free to live the life you want and deserve to live. Tell the truth and you’ll learn to eat to satisfy your physical hunger and stop burying your hopes and dreams beneath layers of fat."

Can you honestly answer this questions and are you treating yourself how you deserve to be treated. My answer to that is no.

Basically I know what I need to do to lose weight but that isn't working for me at the moment, cause I'm not doing it. Before I can move forward I need to work out why I am overweight and move down the list from there. This is really scarey stuff and I think its going to be a long and difficult journey but one I must do.

At this stage I'm not really going to follow any particular eating plan but I am going to continue to fill in my CK food diary. My main focus is myself, my thoughts, my feelings and learning to accept me and love myself and only then can I work seriously on my weight.

Take One Step at a Time.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

are you a talent, a lifer, or a mandarin?

I'm a Lifer!

To you, a job is what pays the bills. You put in your hours, follow the rules, and then go home. Occasionally, you consider quitting, but then you think of how bad the job market is and you reconsider. Whatever happiness you get, you get from your life outside the workplace. Relationships, family, hobbies, and outside creative pursuits are what really matter to you. You're probably taking this test at work because you don't have anything better to do.

Talent: 46%
Lifer: 56%
Mandarin: 41%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.


What kind of sports Car are you???????

I'm a Dodge Viper!

You're all about raw power. You're tough, you're loud, and you don't take crap from anyone. Leave finesse to the other cars, the ones eating your dust.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Your Hillbilly Name is

Your Hillbilly Name Is...

Loretta Lynne Crow

Now the above is based on the name of Carlton.

And the below is based on my true name given to me by my Mother.

Your Hillbilly Name Is...

Lil' Daisy Tucker

Take One Step at a time

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Are you a control Freak????

You Are 60% Control Freak

Generally, you are in control but not a control freak. You life is usually in order.
However, sometimes you get too obsessed with making everything in your life picture perfect.

I was actually a bit suprised with this outcome. I actually would have thought I'd sore a lot higher than I did. Well it appears I'm starting to get over all the crap that's happened in my life over the past 3 years and living again.

Thanks WBS for all these funnies. There great.

Take One Step at at time.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

How Nerdy are You?

I am nerdier than 4% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

Well I found this from WBS blog. Results mean:-

96% scored higher (more nerdy),
0% scored the same, and
4% scored lower (less nerdy).

What does this mean? Your nerdiness is:

Definitely not nerdy, you are probably cool.

Well I don't think I'm all that cool but I'll take it anyway LOL

Take One Step at a Time

Thursday, April 26, 2007

This is What Kind Of Flower You Are

I am a

What Flower
Are You?

"You stand up for what you believe in, even if it gets in the way of what other people think. You are proud of yourself and your accomplishments and you enjoy letting people know that."

All I can say this flower is so me.

Take One Step at a Time

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

ANZAC Day 25 April 2007

ANZAC Day - 25 April - is probably Australia's most important national occasion. It marks the anniversary of the first major military action fought by Australian and New Zealand forces during the First World War. ANZAC stands for Australian and New Zealand Army Corps. The soldiers in those forces quickly became known as ANZACs, and the pride they soon took in that name endures to this day.

Today markes the 92nd anniversary of this occassion and the 1st year anniversary of my brothers death. I have so many mixed emotions today.

With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children,
England mourns for her dead across the sea.
Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit,
Fallen in the cause of the free.

Solemn the drums thrill:
Death august and royal
Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres.
There is music in the midst of desolation
And a glory that shines upon our tears.
They went with songs to the battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,

They fell with their faces to the foe.
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning

We will remember them.
They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;
They sit no more at familiar tables at home;
They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;

They sleep beyond England's foam.
But where our desires are and our hopes profound,
Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,
To the innermost heart of their own land they are known

As the stars are known to the Night;
As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,
Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain,
As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,
To the end, to the end, they remain.

By Laurence Binyon (1869-1943)

Hope everyone is having a good ANZAC day.

Take One Step at a time

Weigh In results - week 2

Yesterday was weigh in day.

I weighed in at 108.4 kilos today which is a loss of 200 grams. Pretty good considering I too have struggled this week.

This week has been an interesting one, I was chatting to a guy online who doesn't life far from where I work and we seemed to be getting on well and decided to meet for lunch. To cut a very long story short things didn't go to plan and now we are no longer chatting.

On a similar front, I've been chatting on and off (via yahoo messenger) with another guy called John for the past 5 months and just thought it would be a friendship. Well things got a bit steamer over the weekend and we decided to get together and see how things go. It makes life a bit busier and a lot more exciting.
Take one Step at a Time

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Weigh In Day

Sorry I've been rather busy the past few days.

Today is weight in day for the challenge.

My start weight was 11o.3.

1st weigh in today was 108.6

Loss of 1.7 kilos.


Take One Step at a Time.

Friday, April 13, 2007

I've been a bit slack the past few days

Like Rainbow my mood today hasn't been a good one. Everything and I mean everything has annoyed me today. It's been one of those days that I just should not have gotten out of bed.

I've been a bit slack the past few days and have let my tiredness and problems logging onto blogger at work, stop me from recording my food. Now if I can remember what I ate, then I will record it now.

Blueberry Muffin (didn't have time to have breakfast at home before the training course)

1 chocolate brownie
1 mini meat pie
1 mini ham and cheese croissant

1 ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato and avocado mixed grain sandwich
1 plate of fruit
1 small serve of Brie
1 small bottle of diet coke

1 chocolate brownie
1 apple

Will have to think about what I ate for dinner, as I can't remember at the moment.

Walked 30 mins

Triple berry Light N Tasty cereal
1 cup of peaches
1 200g tub of yoghurt

1 apple

1 Subway Club salad with honey mustard dressing
1 apple

1 muesli bar

2 weight watchers satay chicken wraps
2 chocolate easter eggs

Walked 60 mins

Triple berry Light N Tasty cereal
1 cup of peaches
1 200g tub of yoghurt

1 pear
1 mandarin

1 medium serve of Chinese vegetables stir fried with rice noodles
1 yoghurt
2 Terikyi Chicken Sushi rolls

2 weight watchers Mediterranean chicken wraps

Walked 60 mins

My day was that bad that I so wanted to eat chocolate, I didn't have a craving for it, I think I just wanted to chew on something and I normally turn to chocolate when I have such a craving. Rainbow and I chatted out it this afternoon and threw around several alternative ideas, which I really apprecite. Thanks Rainbow for the chat, hope I didn't interupt your work too much.

You will all be pleased to know that so far, so good, no chocolate has been put into my mouth. Yes that's right, I did not eat it, didn't buy it, just proceed to do my work. I think by recognising my desire and why I actually wanted it seemed to work.

Feeling pretty good about my choices so far. I haven't really weighted myself this week, cause its TTOM and I retain fluid during this time.

I'm planning on doing more exercise this weekend and hoping for a good weight loss come Tuesday morning.

Take One Step at a time

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Day One of the Challenge

OK the June 5 challenge started today and so far so good. I was that busy at work today that I didn't have time to scratch myself let alone think of food, or even food that I have decided I'm not going to eat anymore.

So far today I have only exercised for 30 Min's but that is also 30 Min's more than yesterday or the day before. The night isn't over yet and whilst I am physically and mentally exhausted from work there is still time to get another 30 Min's of exercise in. Might just have to get out one of those exercise tapes/dvd's.
My food diary for today reads

30 grams of Light N Tasty - triple berry cereal
1/2 cup of skim milk
1/2 cup of tin fruit salad

1 small apple

1 honey soy chicken stir fry with 1 cup of Jasmin rice

1 Coles premade green salad
1 tin of salmon
1 200g tub of diet yoghurt

2 slices of toast with diet jam

I have also had 1 cup of coffee, 1 cup of green tea and 2 litres of water.

I know I might need to eat more than this and will re look at my food diary. I'm also on a course tomorrow all day and morning tea, lunch and afternoon tea are supplied. This will present a very big challenge for me and one I will have to tackle alone as I will not be in front of a computer to email Rainbow before I am tempted. I am planning on taking some fruit with me for my snacks and now I just have to remember to eat them instead of the pastries and biscuits.

Oh and the scales were not kind to me today. I weighted in at 110.3 kilos. I really can't blame anyone but myself, I'm the one who buys the food and I'm the one who places in it my mouth. TOM also arrived today so might just have to blame that as well.

On a different note I just need to vent a little about my job. I have been doing this job for about 4 years now and am getting a bit tired of it. My life and this job have both changed a lot over this time and I'm beginning to feel like I can't handle the stress of it anymore. I am also so sick of feeling stressed all of the time, so sick of doing 2 jobs (for most of the past 12 months), so sick of ungrateful clients I'm seriously considering that stress leave might be in order and talking to my RM about how I can't do this job anymore. Its just taking too much out of me and with the stress over my father's health, I just need a break.

Its time I looked after me as no one else is going to and finding a less stressful job, is all part of the journey I'm on right now.

9.22 p.m. I forgot to add the most exciting part. I said NO thank you, yes that's right NO to cadbury solid small easter eggs today. I knew that if I had one then that wouldn't satisfy me, so I didn't have them at all. Also at the nursing home tonight I could have easily had a easter mashmallow or some of Dad's small easter eggs and I did look at them with desire, but I also choose not too. Yes I made a very determined decision not to have any chocolate today or tonight. I am so pleased with myself.

Take One 'Step at a Time.

Monday, April 09, 2007

June 5 Challenge Strategy

I chose this picture for this post only because I liked it and not because it has anything to do with this post.

If you have read my previous post today you will see that I'm struggling at the moment with my self believe and if I can do this Challenge or not.

OK below is my strategy for the June 5 Challenge.

1. I need some structure in my eating program so I am going to go back to the Core program of Weight Watchers. I have tried a few other programs during the past few years and they have not worked as well.
2. I will use my HRM to record my exercise calories.
3. Will exercise for minimum 60 minutes, 5 times a week minimum (each time burning 500 or more cals)
4. I will have a proper breakfast every morning.
5. I will drink 2.5 litres of water per day.
6. If I eat carbs, they will be low Gi.
7. I will stay away from highly processed food and eat food closer to their natural state.
8. I will not drink carbonated drinks like coke, light coke, coke zero and junk food like chips, cheezels, twisties.
9.I will use post my food diary on my blog and exercise diary every single day no matter what.
10.I will not buy chocolate but as I have a lot of it from easter, I will allow myself 1 small egg per week (preferably weekend). However, on these days I will need to exercise for 2 hours. (these eggs are 812 kj or 203 calories & 12 grams of fat).
11. I will post my thoughts, feelings, struggles every day on my blog.
12. I will ask for help when I need it.
13. I will not put too much pressure on myself to achieve and take one day as it comes.

I have a feeling that it might still be a work in progress and I will probably add to them as I think of more things to help me with the challenge.

Take One Step at a time.

Confused & Scared

I can't believe the Easter break is almost over and tomorrow I have to go back to work.

Also I can't believe that the challenge with Rainbow starts tomorrow. When I agreed to this challenge, it seemed so far away and I felt pretty good about things.

I'm feeling pretty confused, apprehensive and scared right now about this challenge. I'm scared because I don't feel very in control of my eating right now and afraid that it is pretty easy for me to slip back into emotional eating. I know that I need to lose weight and can't afford to buy new clothes for Winter but can I really do this? Can I eat well for more than 1 day in a row? Can I get up at 6 a.m. and exercise? Do I want this badly enough to succeed? So many questions that I need to answer.

As you can see my self esteem and belief in myself is pretty low at the moment and my head is not in a very good space. However, I'm wondering if I'm reacting this way as an excuse not to start this journey again, open myself up, improve myself, get back out in the world and live life again. Emotionally I'm still in a pretty fragile place after my failed relationships over the past 12 months and so afraid let my true self be shown. Overeating has always been a way to deal with my pain and hurt. Whilst my overeating has resulted in me being fat and unhappy it is also been my safety net. Can I or am I ready to peel away the layers of my safety net. Seriously I do not know.

At this point I do not know if I can do this, or at the moment if I really want join this Challenge. All I know is that I need to do this and I need to do this for me. So tomorrow I will get up at 6 a.m. and go for a 60 min walk and do my best to make healthy food options. Once tomorrow is over it is then time to focus on the next day. Its a day by day challenge for me at this stage.
I recognise that the majority of my posts have a negative tone to them at the moment, but that where my head space is right now. Things will improve as my journey goes on, but for me the commencement is the scariest part right now.
I hate the feeling of not being in control and I am not in control of my eating or emotions right now. I so have to remember this feeling as things go along.

Take One Step at a time.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Happy Easter

Happy Easter everyone and hope you had a good day.

I had a pretty good day. We picked my dad up this morning and brought him home for the day. I think he enjoys this and had a good day. It just takes a lot out of him and on these days he is ready for bed about 5.30 p.m.

Well despite me asking for 1 small box of easter eggs, I managed to receive 48 egg (real eggs that is) size easter eggs. Chocolate is one of my real weaknesses. I have decided that I am allowed 2 of these eggs per week, 2 and only 2. This will be a real test for me but one that I am ready to overcome. I would love to be in control of chocolate. If I can't stop at 2 eggs per week, they will be given away to either my work mates or the other residences at the nursing home.

Take One Step at a time.

Friday, April 06, 2007

The June 5 Challenge startes Tuesday 10 April 2007

Yes I am joining Rainbow in a challenge called The June 5 Challenge. This is a challenge to get us back in the zone and losing weight. This is an 8 week challenge, commencing on 10/4/07 and my goal is to lose 8 kilos during this time and my stretch goal is to lose 10 kilos. I really need to lose weight to fit into my winter clothes, as I don't have the money to buy new ones again this Winter.

I will clean out my fridge, freezer and pantry and throw out any food that doesn't fit into this challenge.

My strategy for this challenge is still a work in progress and some more thought needs to go into it. A draft strategy is as follows:-

1. I need some structure in my eating program so I am going to go back to the Core program of Weight Watchers. I have tried a few other programs during the past few years and they have not worked as well.

2. I will use my HRM to record my exercise calories.

3. Will exercise for minimum 60 minutes, 5 times a week minimum (each time burning 500 or more cals)

4. I will have a proper breakfast every morning.

5. I will drink 2.5 litres of water per day.

6. If I eat carbs, they will be low Gi.

7. I will stay away from highly processed food and eat food closer to their natural state.

8. I will not drink carbonated drinks like coke, light coke, coke zero and junk food like chips, cheezels, twisties.

9.I will use post my food diary on my blog and exercise diary every single day no matter what.

10.I will not eat or buy chocolate.

As I said this is my draft. I promise I will post my final list by the end of Monday. Any comments or suggestions will be gratefully received.

As a side issue. today is my 20 year anniversary for working with the company that I work for. I never actually thought I'd get here but its been an interesting journey. For 20 years service you get a certificate signed by the CEO, a gold watch and about 5% of your salary into your superannuation. We actually had a BBQ lunch at work yesterday and I received my certificate of service and my watch. It was all very exciting. Now I just have to wait for my letter to tell me exactly how much they put into my superannuation.
Take One Step at a Time.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Time to get real.

Hi everyone. Its time for me to get real and get on with this journey of losing weight. The issues going on in my life are here to stay and really I just need to deal with them and find ways to work around them. I must remember that there are people worse off than me in this world.

I have taken 2 new photos of me tonight. They are below, they also show my new haircut (which everyone at work just loves). They are also the first step in me being accountable to you all. Rainbow and I are starting a fresh on Tuesday 10/4/2007. At this stage I'm not sure of what my weight is but I will weigh myself tomorrow and post that as well.

This one is taken in the bathroom doorway. As you can see I'm not feeling very happy about this photo or my life at the moment.

This one is taken in my bedroom a few minutes after the other one.

Rainbow and I have decided to break this journey down into mini goals and the first one starts on 5/4/07 and runs for 2 months till 5/7/07. At that time I plan to take another photo and show you the difference. My first goal is to lose 8 kilos in this time and I have a stretch goal of 10 kilos. As I said the 10 kilos is a stretch and something for me to aim at.

If I don't start now then I am not going to have anything to wear this winter, as all my winter clothes are 1 - 2 sizes smaller than I take now and I don't really have any spare cash to buy new clothes. All my winter clothes were only bought last year.

Bring it on is all I can say.

Take One Step at a Time

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Venting again

Yesterday was a bit better day, my dad has calmed down and my brother and I have had a talk with the nursing staff. We think dad got how he was because the nursing home ran out of his hormone treatment tablets, in fact he hadn't had them since Friday. I can't believe they allowed him to run out of them and then tried to make out that it was it was dad's fault he was acting like he was and labelling him too aggressive. After all they dispense the medication to him and should know when they are running low, how hard is it for them to reorder more then. Obviously real hard. My brother and I have talked about this at length and have decided that dad was like he was because of the lack of medication and that whilst he knew what he was doing, he didn't have control over it. Cancer is such a horrible thing to have. Again I can't get over the fact that the nursing staff left it up to us to calm him down and sort things out.

My eating is getting better and I am eatting health food during the day, it just appears that my problem is at night. Most nights when I get home I am too tired to cook a healthy meal and always take the easy option. Whilst I didn't eat that well last night, I at least acknowledge it and that it took the same amount of time to cook something unhealthy as what it does to cook a healthy stir fry.

Rainbow and I are going to start again on Tuesday and support each other, which will be good.
We are both struggling at the moment and can help each other get past this.

Thanks WSB & Rainbow for your comments, concerns and support. I really appreciate them. We can and will do this together. I'm feeling better about things today.

Take One Step at a time

Monday, April 02, 2007

Need to Vent

Fathers, I think mine must be the most inconsiderate, selfish, self centred man on this earth. I so can't believe him sometimes, I know he is terminally ill and the nursing home running out of his hormone treatment doesn't help but honestly, I was ready to kill him tonight.

Tonight when we went to visit him he was in the toilet and the nurses were trying to help him, but instead of him letting them, he was trying to punch them and ended up cutting himself on the toilet chair. He then wouldn't let anyone dress his wound and keep shouting, yelling and trying to punch them.

The more I tried to talk to him the worse he got and the more he wanted to punch someone. He really doesn't care how his reactions affect others or how it makes others think of him. He also doesn't care how upset we get, and most of the time doesn't want to talk about it. It is so hard, no wonder I have put on 15 kilos since November 2006.

Bascially he is angry because he has to live in the nursing home & hates it, that he doesn't get the attention he wants, doesn't get things done when he wants them, thinks the staff hate him, thinks they hide things from him and refers to the nursing home as jail. He also blames my brother and I for putting him being there and then just left him there to rott for the rest of his days. Mind you we visit him every night for at least 2 hours and 3-4 hours per day on weekends. I have another brother who hasn't even been to visit him at all in the nursing home (3 months now) but he can't do anything wrong. My dad even thinks we love the nursing home's cat Bonnie more than we do him.

I am so angry and upset over this and am even in tears as I type this.

I just so wish that he would see things from others point of view and that the whole world doesn't revolve around him.

These days I never get home from visiting him until 8 pm, so I don't get to have dinner before 8.30 p.m., I try to do his washing every night so he always has enough clean clothes to wear. I don't do these things for his thanks, I do them because I want to and its what I need to do right now. Bascially my life has been put on hold since Nov 2006 and he couldn't care less, as long as he gets what he wants when he wants it, that's all that matters to him.

Apart from computer problems at work today, I was having a pretty good day, but it all came crushing down when I went to visit him.

We visit him daily so he doesn't think we have just left him there and don't care but guess what, he thinks that anyway.

All I want to do is eat chocolate, drink lots of bourbon and eat pizza. I can't believe that he is making me feel guilty because I want some sort of a life and will not visit him 3 hours a night (weekdays) and 9 hours a day (weekends) anymore.

I thought typing this would help but no it doesn't make me feel any better. I think I'll just go and have a good cry and might have an early night.

Take One Step at a Time.

Sunday, April 01, 2007


Needless to say that I'm not very happy with myself and my efforts this week.

Work has just been hell and I've really struggled with all aspects of my life this week, i.e. having time to myself, my eating, exercise, visiting my dad, work. In fact the only part of my life that's been good has been drinking at least 1.5 litres of water per day and the fact that despite what bad food I ate this week, I did lose 100 grams. I have been really stressed at work this week and I am so sick of emotionally eating during this time. Why do I do it to myself, its not as if it makes me happy, in fact I feel even worse after it happens, even more depressed and angry with myself.

Now I'm sure if I can answer this billion dollar question I will be able to move forward on this journey.

I'm feeling pretty down about my weight at the moment and about my lack of control over my food and the types of food I eat.

I think I need to take this as a day by day thing and might need to be accountable to you all again.

I do need to also reduce the amount of stress in my life, which means that I need to look for a less stressful job in the finance industry. That is, if one exists. I've worked for this company for 20 years next Friday and would like to continue to work for them, due to the benefits I'm not entitled to but just need to reduce the stress.

Tomorrow is another day and I will take it as it comes.

Sorry just needed to vent and thanks to WBS who reminded me that this is what this journal is all about. Thanks for your support and help, it is really appreciated, even if I don't always take it or say so.

Take One Step at a Time.