Monday, August 28, 2006

Don't you Quit


When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down,
And you feel like the biggest failure in town.
When you want to give up just because you gave in,
and forget all about being healthy and thin.

So What!

You went over your calories a bit,
It's your next move that counts...So DON'T YOU QUIT!
It's a moment of truth,
it's an attitude change.

It's learning the skills to get back in your range.
It's telling yourself, "You've done great up till now.
You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow."

It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal.
You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.
To stumble and fall is not a disgrace, if you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the struggler's, when losing their grip,
Just throw in the towel and continue to slip.

And learn too late when the damage is done,that the race wasn't over...they still could have won.
Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,but facing each challenge will help you grow.
Success is failure turned inside out,the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.
When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit,
If you bite it, you write it...But


Author Unknown -

One Step at a Time

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Such an Emotional Day

I've had a rather rough day today emotionally. I've felt very flat, low and just lonely.

I've been so tempted to ring ex today to talk to him, didn't really have anything to say to him, just wanted to hear his voice. But I've keept strong and but keep telling myself I don't need to do that. Might just make me a little more emotional.

Tonight has been extremely tough, as I miss him so much. I'm glad I'm going away on Tuesday for a week and that will take my mind off him but its just so hard at the moment. I thought I was doing rather well up until today as I hadn't cried about the breakup since Saturday morning but tonight the flood gates opened up again.

I so hate looking at the reminders of him, like the things he bought me. Just makes it so much harder.

This part of life just sucks big time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for rambing on but just had to get it out of me.

Carlton :
Take One Step at a Time.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Single Again

As the title indicated my partner and I have split up again. This time it is for good as far as I am concerned. He was us to be friends but that hasn't worked in the past and we get back into a relationship of some sorts. I have told him that as I don't want to be just friends, then all ties need to be cut and that I don't want anything to do with him again. I do not want him to ring me, email or visit me. It may should a little harsh as we have had some sort of relationship for over 4 1/2 years but it is the only way that I am going to be able to move on and get on with my life. I need to be selfish with this one. Needless to say he wasn't pleased.

The break up happened tonight and needless to say I've spend the past few hours crying and not being able to sleep. Not sure if I will be able to sleep but I will need to try as I have a very busy day at work tomorrow before I go on holidays for 2 weeks.

Things have been pretty rocky for the past month and if I honest with myself, I knew that the breakup was coming, but it still doesn't make it easy. I would so love to have him in my life as a friend but I can't do friends just now. Its too painful, maybe one day.

Now it is time for me to focus on me for a change and get on with my life and start losing some of this weight that I have regained.

Take One Step at a Time.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Find Your Fairy

I found this site via an on line buddy of mine, Bec.

The online fairy site is found at

My fairy is called Columbine Elftree
She is a cheerful sprite.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the first leaves fall from the trees.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has delicate green wings like a cicada.

I so love lilac and purple and great to see my fairy wears these colours.

Take One Step at a time.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Dr Phil's book the Ultimate Weight Loss Challenge

I've owned this book for approximately 2 1/2 years and have never fully read it. It seems when ever I start it something distracts me and I never finish it. I've decided that one of my goals this year is not only read the book but to put the keys into practice.

Key 1: Right Thinking
Lay aside self-defeating, invalid mindsets that do not work. They have the power to keep you from making different choices or developing new behaviors. Too often, we let these negative notions go unchallenged, and we act as though they were true. You must monitor what you're thinking and challenge whether it is true. If it's not working, replace it with thinking that works.

Key 2: Healing Feelings
Overcome emotional overeating by managing inappropriate reactions to stress; solving problems rather than dwelling on them; changing self-defeating thoughts, since more often than not, feelings follow thoughts; gaining closure on unfinished emotional business; and learning new ways to cope without resorting to food.

Key 2 is a big one for me.

Key 3: A No-Fail Environment
Design your world so that you can't help but succeed. This involves removing temptations to eat and rearranging your schedule in order to avoid or minimize triggers to overeat.

Key 4: Mastery Over Food and Impulse Eating
There's only one reason why you haven't changed the bad stuff in your life. You're getting something out of it. I'm not saying that you're getting something healthy or positive, but people do not continue in situations, attitudes or actions that do not give them a payoff. This key helps you identify those payoffs, unplug from them, and replace bad habits with healthy behavior.

Key 5: High-Response Cost, High-Yield Nutrition
To lose weight, you must choose foods that support good behavioral control over your eating, that is, high-response cost, high-yield foods, organized into a moderate, balanced, calorie-controlled plan to ensure weight loss.

Key 6: Intentional Exercise
Prioritize regular exercise into your life most days of the week — walking, jogging, aerobic dance classes, yoga, playing a sport, or lifting weights. Exercise does more than simply burn calories; it changes your self-perception so you stop labeling yourself as a couch potato.

Key 7: Your Circle of Support
Surround yourself with supportive, like-minded people who want you to lose weight and succeed at your health and fitness efforts.


I was reading some old posts on Mary's blog and came across the above keys. It reminded me how far I have to go before getting my life under control and today is the first step towards doing just that.

One Step at a time.


I'm a little confused with my actions at the moment, I so want to lose weight and be healthy but I keep sabotaging my efforts.

I have not tracked or eaten well during the past 3 days. I know it is related to my thoughts and feelings and what I feel about myself.

As a result of this I have changed my saying from Never pay for the same kilo twice to One Step at a time. This new saying is more in line with where I am at with my weight loss or lack of weight loss journey at the moment.

I would like to thank everyone for their kinds words over the past few days. I really appreciate it and have taken it all on board. I especially thank Mary for her kind words. I know I need to exercise and really hate getting up early to do it but I am going to make the effort to do so, as I am worth it.

My plan for exercise this week is:-

Tuesday - Walk to work 3.5 kms done & took 40 mins and walk home 3.5 km's done and took 40 mins.
Wednesday - Walk to work 3.5 kms done and took 40 mins and walk home 3.5 km's.
Thursday - Walk before work 30 mins and lunchtime walk on the treadmill - 30 mins.
Friday - Walk to work 3.5 kms and walk home 3.5 km's.

This will mean I will need to get up at 6.30 am instead of 7 a.m. and I can do it for me. Getting up 30 mins earlier might not seem much to some of you but it is huge for me. I am a night time person, who loves staying up till the early hours of the morning and hate getting up before 10 a.m.

Will update my progress as I do it.

One step at a time.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

New Beginnings

Weigh in was tonight and I found out why I am feeling so fat and like a pig at the moment. I have put on so much weight in the last 2 months its not funny.

Tomorrow is the start of a new weight watchers week for me and the start of new beginnings. I am going to be focused, exercise every day and track (try to stick to my 22 points). I already understand how out of control my eating is at the moment, and I hoping that this will help me curb my bad habits.

I tracked all of my food and points today via my weight loss blog, which was really good and made me feel really accountable to you all. I have begun to understand that just because people don't post comments, doesn't mean people are reading my blogs and understanding or relating to me.

I actually had so much fun tracking today, I will do it again tomorrow.

I am going to set the alarm 30 mins earlier than normal and am going to go for a walk before I go to work. I am also going to try to get to the gym for 30 mins at lunch tomorrow as well but will need to see how the day goes.

My relationship with the partner is a little tense at the moment and not really sure why. The distance between us isn't really helping as we can't just sit down and talk about things, but I also like having this distance between us. Will need to talk to my therapist about this tomorrow night when I go.

Work is also getting pretty stressful at the moment. Lending money to business clients is quite hard to do at the moment, due to competition. Its hard to compete when some banks price deals just to win them and write them at any rate. Gone are the days when clients care about paying for a personal business banking manager and on going service, now all they care about is who is giving them the lowest price. This makes my job so hard to do. The pressure is starting to come from higher than my manager and is making it extra hard. I am starting to be so over all of this and thinking about walking away from it all.

Sorry to blubber on so much/long but I need to get it out of my system.

Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Eating out of control

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I have lost the plot with my eating. I orginally thought it was because I was nervous about meeting the other bloggers at the bloggers dinner last saturday night. Saturday night has been and gone and I survied and had a great night. Now I know it wasn't caused by this, as I still can't stop eating. I am on 22 points on ww and eat more than that not sure how much more as I haven't seriously been tracking. I so want to lose weight and understand that it will take some time. I would like to be an 70's girl by the end of 2006 but I realise that isn't really realistic for me, so I'll refocus and say I'd love to be an 80's girl by the end of 2006.

I'm also scared about weighing in tomorrow night because of how much I feel I have put on. I also think that I now weight more than when I joined weight watchers about a month. I feel so ashamed and so fat.

I realise that tomorrow is another day and that I can start again but how do I stop overeating for the sake of overeating??????????? I also need to start exercising as well and go back to the gym, even if I just use the treadmill.

Tomorrow is another day and the restart of this journey. I will take tomorrow as a separate day and focus all my energy on tracking and doing a little bit of exercise and not worry about any other day.

I decided to create a separate blog for my tracking, exercise and weigh in results, which can be found at This will see me being accountable to you all and help me to stay on track.

This is a huge move, from my point of view and welcome your comments on this. I so want to look so much better next time I meet any of you.

Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Blogger Dinner and my weekend

Saturday nite I went to the Sydney bloggers dinner and met so many lovely ladies. I'm pinching myself that I actually went, as I hadn't met any of them before in real life and only knew a few of them from their blogs and emails. There were lots of ladies that I either didn't know anything about or had only read their blogs once or twice, which made it rather scary as well.

The nite went so fast and I had such a great time. It was a pitty that I didn't have time to talk to most people over the night as there were 18 of us at dinner. I can't wait for the next dinner/lunch, outing etc and get to know everyone better. It was a shame the food wasn't the best but the company well and truely made up for it. Mary did a great job organising it and making sure everyone was happy and looked after.

I'm still having a hard time believing I went to the dinner, as it is so out of my comfort zone and not something I would normally do. Up until being asked to go my Me I had gone to great lengths in keeping my real identy on the net a very big secret. This whole experience shows me that I am starting to let down the walls I've put up around me and let people in to know the real me. I am also starting to let go of my hang ups and getting back on with my life.

My partner came down for the weekend and had a fairly good weekend. I was rather sick on Sunday morning and originally thought it was a combination of too much drinking on Saturday night and not very nice food. In the end I think it might have been a touch of food poisoning. I'm still not feeling the best and again have a touch of gastro as well today. If I'm not feeling better tomorrow will go back to doctors and get something.

As a lot of you know, I've been spending lots of time organising my townhouse, making it look like a home and chucking out all of the crap that I had been hording over the past 8 years. Yes I am a big horder and am trying to stop doing it. My partner couldn't believe the changes I'd made since the last time he came to visit and was very impressed. He asked me how long had it taken and when I said weeks, he was very surprised. He was meant to come to Sydney the weekend before but as I was too sick to go to his aunty's birthday party, he didn't come down.

Down side of the weekend was that I forgot to change the batteries in my camera on Saturday night so I couldn't take any photos. Also as I wasn't feeling well on Sunday, I forgot to take the recharable batteries, so I couldn't take any photo's when we went out to Oran Park yesterday for the V8 racing. We didn't get there as early as I would have liked but that was because my partner and I had a bit of a lie in and I was throwing up until about 10 a.m.

My eating hasn't been the best during the past week and I think that had to do with be stressing out over the bloggers dinner. Well that's over with now and I survived it. Time to get back to eating well, tracking and getting back on track. I'm sure I've put on weight but I'm not going to stress out it. Whats done is done. I will start again tomorrow and begin to make healty choices.

Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Friday, August 04, 2006

My weight loss journey

These pictures are courtesy of the my virtual model website and is based on my revised starting weight at weight watchers on 19/7/06.

I have been spending the past few days reflecting on my weight loss journey or lack of it over the past the past 9 months, since my mum died and realised that I put on 7 kilos during this time. This weight gain is despite making several attempts to lose weight via other weight loss centers and diets. Yes I have had a lot on my plate during this time but when I look back at it I have been using these as an excuse and using the poor little old me card. For me to achieve the next picture I'm going to post, this poor little old me, has to stop and I would like all of your help with this. Please, if I resort back to the poor little old me stuff, kick my butt and kick it really hard.

This next picture is of me when I get to my goal weight and whilst I'm the one that actually needs to lose the weight and do the exercise I do need help doing so. Can you please help me out.

Yesterday I spent some time focusing on my weight loss goals and making a power point presentation to inspire me to stay on track. I have placed copies of this presentation around my bedroom, bathroom, on the fridge and pantry. I have included things like, I can do this, do you need to eat this, I am beautiful, how it is going to get you to your goal, I never want to look like the the zoo picture again etc. I have included the picture from the zoo as my inspiration, as after looking at this picture I rejoined weight watchers for the final time.

I am going to lose the weight this time. So far I have lost 2 kilos which is great and have another 41 kilos to go to look like the 2nd picture.

To help me along the way I have made the following goals. I am now concentrating on working out what rewards I will give myself for making these goals. My first weekly goal reward is to be a pedicure.

My ultimate goals are:-

1. To lose 43 kilos.
2. To feel healthy and strong
3. To wear a size 10 clothing (Australian sizes)
4. To love myself.

My monthly goal:-

1. To lose 5 kilos in August 2006.
2. I will plan all of my meals.
3. I will track and stay within points every day.
4. I will exercise for a min of 30 mins every day.
5. I will run 1 km without stopping.

My weekly goal:-

1. I will lose 1.1 kilos this week.
2. I will go for 3 walks and 2 gym sessions this week (I left my gym stuff at work and am off sick at the moment).
3. If it is raining, I will do an exercise video instead of walking.

Daily goals:-
1. I will exercise today.
2. I will track my food today.
3. I will make healthy choices and avoid take away food where possible.

Never pay for the same kilo twice
I can do anything I wish to do.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Did you know???????????

I found some interesting and useless facts I thought I'd share with you all.

Did you know??????????????

1. A tipe rope walker is called a funambulist.
2. Flounders swim sideways
3. A human eye can, given enough time to adjust, see almost as well as an owl's.
4. The rush of air produced by a cough can approach 1000km an hour. (scary seeing I've been coughing for over a week now).
5. Greyhounds eyesight is the best of any bread of dog.
6. In the time it takes to read this sentence, 50,000 cells in your body will die and be replaced.
7. It takes a tonne of ore to produce one gold wedding ring.
8. 214 crates were used to transport the Statue of Liberty from France to New York in 1885.
9. The only thing that can destroy a diamond is intense heat.

Hope you have great day.

Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Still Sick

Yes I am still sick and so sick of being sick. I'm am so over coughing, sneezing, blowing my nose and generally feeling horrible, coughing up fleum etc.

I did go back to work yesterday and didn't do much but spread my germs around the place. Today I also went back to work but left 2 hours after getting there, as I was too sick to be there in the first place.

I finally went to the dr's this arvo and he has given me until Thursday off, when I rang my boss to tell him, he suggested that I also take Friday off and come back to work on Tuesday. Monday is Bank holiday. This way I can have good week to rest, relax and get over my germs.

My Dr even gave me penicillin to help get me better. I don't think I have ever had penicillin before so this will be interesting.

Just did a load of washing and must have left a tissue in it, as there is now tissues everywhere and will have to put everything in the dryer to dry and this will also get rid of all of the pits of tissues.

Well better go back to bed and rest up some more.


Never pay for the same kilo twice