Fathers, I think mine must be the most inconsiderate, selfish, self centred man on this earth. I so can't believe him sometimes, I know he is terminally ill and the nursing home running out of his hormone treatment doesn't help but honestly, I was ready to kill him tonight.
Tonight when we went to visit him he was in the toilet and the nurses were trying to help him, but instead of him letting them, he was trying to punch them and ended up cutting himself on the toilet chair. He then wouldn't let anyone dress his wound and keep shouting, yelling and trying to punch them.
The more I tried to talk to him the worse he got and the more he wanted to punch someone. He really doesn't care how his reactions affect others or how it makes others think of him. He also doesn't care how upset we get, and most of the time doesn't want to talk about it. It is so hard, no wonder I have put on 15 kilos since November 2006.
Bascially he is angry because he has to live in the nursing home & hates it, that he doesn't get the attention he wants, doesn't get things done when he wants them, thinks the staff hate him, thinks they hide things from him and refers to the nursing home as jail. He also blames my brother and I for putting him being there and then just left him there to rott for the rest of his days. Mind you we visit him every night for at least 2 hours and 3-4 hours per day on weekends. I have another brother who hasn't even been to visit him at all in the nursing home (3 months now) but he can't do anything wrong. My dad even thinks we love the nursing home's cat Bonnie more than we do him.
I am so angry and upset over this and am even in tears as I type this.
I just so wish that he would see things from others point of view and that the whole world doesn't revolve around him.
These days I never get home from visiting him until 8 pm, so I don't get to have dinner before 8.30 p.m., I try to do his washing every night so he always has enough clean clothes to wear. I don't do these things for his thanks, I do them because I want to and its what I need to do right now. Bascially my life has been put on hold since Nov 2006 and he couldn't care less, as long as he gets what he wants when he wants it, that's all that matters to him.
Apart from computer problems at work today, I was having a pretty good day, but it all came crushing down when I went to visit him.
We visit him daily so he doesn't think we have just left him there and don't care but guess what, he thinks that anyway.
All I want to do is eat chocolate, drink lots of bourbon and eat pizza. I can't believe that he is making me feel guilty because I want some sort of a life and will not visit him 3 hours a night (weekdays) and 9 hours a day (weekends) anymore.
I thought typing this would help but no it doesn't make me feel any better. I think I'll just go and have a good cry and might have an early night.
Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Need to Vent
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3 comments:
oh Carlton....
For a start... pick yourself up... brush yourself up.. and sit with your borther and work something out.. it isnt good for you to be going thru this... and not just for weight reasons..
Right... try alternating nights with your brother. I think your father is just relying on you too much and totally taking you for granted... NOT ON!!!
Doesnt the home do thier washing???
You need time out for you.
Plz see the staff at the home. Try and work something out with them. Maybe there is a socialworker at the home to help with situations like this. Contact the other brother and let rip.. and get him to come and visit sometime!
These situations are very common. Take a night off and think about your priorities.
If you dont, before you know it you will be in a home also and you will wonder where the hell your life went!
plz look after #1.. YOU!!!
Oh but enjoy the bourbon..;o)
Oops.. sorry if I ranted there for a while.. but I so know what you are going thru... And its not on!
;o)
Carlton, I am so sorry. I didn't know all this was going on. It must be so difficult for you. I also didn't realise you put on 15kg since Novemeber. We all should have kept in touch. We know for end of this year - that November to February is a major danger zone, and we have to strategise for it. so that is plan B - to ensure that at the end of this year we do not undo what we achieve from now until then. About your Dad, I'd speak to the home and find out about getting some counselling. This is not unusual. Your Dad is acting out and you are doing your best. Get some help for yourself. You will be no good to your Dad if you end up with a breakdown. My best advice is to get advice from people who are experienced with these things. as for our weight goals.... lets think about what to do between now and Monday. Then how about we start something new on Tuesday? We can do it together. You can even join the forum I have because it really suits people who like a small community, people who love cats and I have a small not-much-usedsection on health and fitness. We can use that to keep ourselves on track. Let me know what you think. We can do this together. Anyone who wants to join us, let us know.
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