A few days ago I send exbf an up to date picture of me so he could see how well I'm going losing my weight.
As the title indicates, I was having a great day until I spoke with exbf today. Our conversation started with how well and healthy I'm looking and how much of glow I've got. He even made the comment I'm looking good in the jeans I had on and that he doesn't see me in jeans all that often. My reply was I don't wear them all that often. In fact they are a little big for me now and I have to pull them up when ever I get up and do something.
Our conversation started out talking about our relationship and planning some of the things we are going to do when he comes home, yes it included some mucking around and close and personal time. What got me mad was not only did he asked me if I was still on the pill & if not was I going to go back on it but he also told me that we don't want to rely on condoms as they can break and he doesn't want to complicate our relationship. It wasn't really what he said it was how he said it. He already knows that I don't want any children and that I would do anything to prevent getting pregant.
Towards the end of the conversation when he realized I wasn't really participating in it he tried to bring me around by offering me compliments on how well I was looking and how proud he was of me. As if that is going to get him out of the shit.
The whole tone of our conversation went down hill from that point and all I wanted to do was to finish it. After speaking to him I realized that this conversation effected me so much that all I wanted to do was eat chocolate. When I went shopping I bought a packet of my favorite chocolate biscuits and then proceed to eat the packet. There are 12 biscuits in the packet and I could only eat 6 of them before I started to feel sick. Needless to say I stopped eating them and put them back in the fridge.
At this stage the exact date exbf will be home is yet to be determined as he needs to finalise a few things, it is now expected to be mid July and not end of July. That means I have only approx 6 weeks to lose 7 kilos. I will be under 90 kilos when he returns home. Time to get very focused. I will walk to work and back every day this week and stick to my exercise plan.
Ok I may have over reacted a little but he hurt me. We've been carrying on for the past few weeks like we did when we first of all got together. We have also been talking about our relationship and about how could start dating again but we would talk about it when he comes home. Plans we have been making also made me assume that's were we are heading towards getting back together in some fashion. Today he also came out and said that he was more comfortable about of relationship now that we were only friends and that any pressure was off him. He is such a bastard in that he wants to have things both ways and at this stage I don't want anything to do with him. He is meant to ring me tomorrow at home and I might just have to go out, otherwise I will be tempted to answer the phone.
My compliments today are.
1. I am happy I stopped at eating at 6 biscuits instead of the whole 12.
2. I am happy I exercised today.
3. I am happy with where I am at the moment.
4. I am happy that I recognized what got me upset. Whilst I couldn't speak to exbf about it, at least I reconsided it to myself.
5. I am happy that I posted here tonight because originally I wasn't going to as I couldn't be bothered.
I am happy that I have gotten all of this out and am no longer carring it around inside of me.
Thanks
Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.
4 comments:
It is so hard when you feel you are going along quite fine and then something like that happens. I think you did a great job at stopping after 1/2 the packet - good girl !
Maybe what you need to do is work out what YOU want from the relationship - do you want to get back together / are you happy to have the physical side without the commitment / do you want to have anything to do with him at all and then plan how you will tackle the problem from there. I think you have more chance of succeeding if you are clear in yourself what you want out of it.
Take care and have a great week - don't let this hiccup along the way hinder your achievements for the week.
Me
Dearest Carlton I think you were quite right to get cross. All I can say is that you are a fabulous person doing so great in life. With or without your ex bf, you are you and he is nothing to do with it really. If he is in your life, he is. If he is not, he is not. Either way - you are still you. AND most importantly you are losing the weight for yourself, not for him. As long as you are doing what you do for yourself, then whatever works out or doesn't with him, is just 'other stuff'...just as it is for the rest of us with our boyfriends, lovers, partners, husbands, girlfriends, children, mothers etc. We do this for us. We are number One.
Oh and by the way, for whats its worth, good for you for puttnig the biscuits away at 6. I'd throw the rest away. trust me, after giving in to temptation so many times lately, I am no the brink of feeling out of control - and its so NOT worth it. Be strong! You are doing so great. Keep it up. Be consistent and before you know it you will catch up to me and together we can chase down Coco LOL
Thanks. Rainbow thanks for the offer of me catching up to you but I actually want to chase you. Please pull your finger out and get on with losing weight. You are also such a beautiful person and can do this. You don't need to eat and eat and eat. Be true to yourself.
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