Monday, May 22, 2006

Men.


As you all know my life is all over the place at the moment. Very confused about my relationship with now exbf, he wants to be friends but enjoy all the other aspects of a relationship. During the past week he rings me once or twice a day and we talk like friends but also like lovers. Yes we have had phone sex and not just once. As I've said to him it appears he wants his cake and eat it too and I'm not too happy about that. He reckons he doesn't know what he wants which is one reason we split up. I'm not really to move on and date others and I'm not the kind of person to just have sex with someone. The sex we had was very good and I do miss it and just having someone to cuddle with and enjoy their company.

Don't get me wrong I don't have a problem with him ringing me. I love talking to him and would talk to him for hours when given the chance. We have been through so much together during the past 4 years and I can see him in my life as a best mate for ever. I know we both want more than just friends but then again we don't. We don't seem to work as a couple but work as friends. I tell him he wants to be friends with benefits and he laughs at it. I don't mind the benefits bit and would love to be back together but don't want all the stress, lies, deception etc. I think its best to be friends and just friends. This will be hard when I see him.

Having said all that about my exbf, we have a new manager at work (been there about 4 weeks but I know him from another department before) and I found my self checking him out today. Really checking him out, his face, legs, bum, stomach, etc., and more than once as well. He looked so good in the suit he was wearing and I found my self attracted to him . I was also picturing us snuggling and cuddling together and even dating. Can't believe I thought that, let alone just wrote it here. I didn't realize I was thinking this or doing this until I left the office this afternoon to go and see a client and was thinking about him in the car. OMG OMG OMG OMG. It is exciting but scary at the same time. I haven't felt this way about someone or checked out someone like this other than exbf for the past 4 years. Don't think I would ever do anything about this. Sex is just on the mind at the moment and has been for the past few days.

Work don't know that my bf is now my exbf and at the moment its the way I want it.

I so hate driving in Sydney at the moment. So much traffic and slow drivers. No wonder there is so much road rage going on at the moment.

My compliments
1. I stuck to my eating plan today.
2. I am a lovable person.
3. I am a calm person.
4. I deserve to be spoilt and loved.
5. I am heading in the right direction - forward.

thanks for listening to me.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice
Think thin and drink more water.

4 comments:

Coco said...

I think we all fall into this trap (or should I say bed). It is so tempting to keep the fun bits of a relationship until you are ready to move on but it never works.

It's a good thing you were checking your boss out. Better than being so hung up on your ex that you can't imagine yourself with other men.

Keep us up to date with what's going on.

Mel. said...

Thanks coco. you always put things into perspective. Manager at work is not my boss, he's another colleague, I'm a manager as well.

Me said...

Have to agree with Coco - it is hard to move on when there are parts of the relationship which you are holding onto - whether it is both of you or only one of you. It would be great to have exbf as a friend - I think too many people break up relationships and then can't be friends but that is what it should be otherwise you could just as well be in the relationship again and you know that it wasn't working. If there are lies and deception involved you really have to question where the trust is.

I think it is fantastic that you are starting to check other men out - go for it !!!! Having said that, make sure you are moving into a new relationship for the right reasons.

Take care and have a great day !
Me

Kim said...

Hi Carlton

Its a blast from your past here. Am sorry to hear that things seem to be a bit up in air for you at the moment but i promise things will get better.

You are a wonderful person who deserves only good things. Give the ex the flick all together and move on into a new phase in your life. You never know, that manager you were talking about could be just what the doctor ordered!!!!

Kim aka flutterbye