Exercise Day

Felt a little better today. After a phone call with my local gp doubled by medication, he has said to see how I go and take one tablet in the morning and if I need another one take it at lunchtime. Today I took both of them.
Today was also an exercise day. I walked to work and managed to walk it in 30 mins. I was very amazed as I have never walked that quickly to work ever before. At lunchtime I went to the gym and did 20 mins on the x-trainer and 10 mins on the treadmill. I also walked home and walked fast again and walked it in 30 mins.

Don't have much else to say today.

I do feel a bit of a piggy after eating lots and lots of ice cream last night.

Decided to add both pictures as it shows the extremes I'm feeling at the moment.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and am still finding it difficult to give myself compliments today:-

1. Exercised 3 times today for 30 mins each.
2. Increased fitness levels.
3. stuck to my eating plan - which is good as I ate lots of ice cream last night when I was in a black hole.
4. ????????????????
5. ????????????????

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice

Feeling very loney tonight

Feeling very loney and low tonight.

I so miss my mum and would love to chat to her about what's going on in my life. All I want to do is cry, cry and cry some more. Not really sure what's caused this tonight. I so want a cuddle and some understanding.

I hate being so unstable and emotional.

I thought I'd post this because I thought it might make me feel better, but it doesn't. Feel just as low before I started and don't really feel like I have done anything good today.

Still have to finish backing exbf's stuff and am determined to finish that tomorrow night. I will have a early night today due to being up till 1.30 a.m last night due to watching the F1 Gand Prix.

Carlton

Was Having a Great Day Until....................

A few days ago I send exbf an up to date picture of me so he could see how well I'm going losing my weight.

As the title indicates, I was having a great day until I spoke with exbf today. Our conversation started with how well and healthy I'm looking and how much of glow I've got. He even made the comment I'm looking good in the jeans I had on and that he doesn't see me in jeans all that often. My reply was I don't wear them all that often. In fact they are a little big for me now and I have to pull them up when ever I get up and do something.

Our conversation started out talking about our relationship and planning some of the things we are going to do when he comes home, yes it included some mucking around and close and personal time. What got me mad was not only did he asked me if I was still on the pill & if not was I going to go back on it but he also told me that we don't want to rely on condoms as they can break and he doesn't want to complicate our relationship. It wasn't really what he said it was how he said it. He already knows that I don't want any children and that I would do anything to prevent getting pregant.

Towards the end of the conversation when he realized I wasn't really participating in it he tried to bring me around by offering me compliments on how well I was looking and how proud he was of me. As if that is going to get him out of the shit.

The whole tone of our conversation went down hill from that point and all I wanted to do was to finish it. After speaking to him I realized that this conversation effected me so much that all I wanted to do was eat chocolate. When I went shopping I bought a packet of my favorite chocolate biscuits and then proceed to eat the packet. There are 12 biscuits in the packet and I could only eat 6 of them before I started to feel sick. Needless to say I stopped eating them and put them back in the fridge.

At this stage the exact date exbf will be home is yet to be determined as he needs to finalise a few things, it is now expected to be mid July and not end of July. That means I have only approx 6 weeks to lose 7 kilos. I will be under 90 kilos when he returns home. Time to get very focused. I will walk to work and back every day this week and stick to my exercise plan.

Ok I may have over reacted a little but he hurt me. We've been carrying on for the past few weeks like we did when we first of all got together. We have also been talking about our relationship and about how could start dating again but we would talk about it when he comes home. Plans we have been making also made me assume that's were we are heading towards getting back together in some fashion. Today he also came out and said that he was more comfortable about of relationship now that we were only friends and that any pressure was off him. He is such a bastard in that he wants to have things both ways and at this stage I don't want anything to do with him. He is meant to ring me tomorrow at home and I might just have to go out, otherwise I will be tempted to answer the phone.

My compliments today are.

1. I am happy I stopped at eating at 6 biscuits instead of the whole 12.

2. I am happy I exercised today.

3. I am happy with where I am at the moment.

4. I am happy that I recognized what got me upset. Whilst I couldn't speak to exbf about it, at least I reconsided it to myself.

5. I am happy that I posted here tonight because originally I wasn't going to as I couldn't be bothered.

I am happy that I have gotten all of this out and am no longer carring it around inside of me.

Thanks

Carlton

Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Weigh in Day

Weigh in day just comes around so fast. Today I weighted in at 96.9, which is a loss of 1.6 kilos this week, very excited.

I am beginning to believe that I can do this and that my life has turned around. I am learning so much from CK and have met some lovely people.

I am focused on losing weight at the moment and on my eating, just need to include some exercise on a regular basis. I truly believe that if I can get my head around things I can sort out all of my problems and recover from being clinically depressed. One of the ways I'm doing this is by reading motivational books by people how have won the battle with losing their weight and another is books like I can make you thin. I know what I need to do to lose the weight but my mind is allowing my body to do it. I recently ordered the CD's and workbook on Think Slim. It was a bit expensive but as far as I am concerned well worth it. I so need to reprogram my mind to allow me to lose the weight and to be happy with myself. It may also help me to reduce the therapy sessions that I go to and save me some money (they are $160 per hour). I got the CD's tonight and started reading the work book. I can't wait to listen to the CD's and start reprogramming myself to thinking positively about me and losing weight.

My compliments today are:-

1. I have all of the resources I need to lose weight and I am allowing myself to do so.
2. I believe in myself.
3. I am in charge of my life and results.
4. No one can do this for me and I am doing this for myself.
5. I am in control of my life and no more time for excuses.

A few other quotes I found today are:-

* If you think you can or think you can't you are always right.
* Water flushes away the fat.
* Morning tea means morning TEA and not fatty foods.
* An apple a day is a good start

The Think Slim program actually fits really well into the Sureslim program in which you can't eat pasta, potatoes, and lots of bread. This program also encourages you not to eat between meals, which is also what Sureslim advises you to do (in fact you can't eat for 5 hours between meals).

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Thank God its Friday

What a great week it has turned out to be.
Yes thank god is is Friday. Whilst the week has gone fairly fast, I'm glad it is over. My motivation is gone and I'm so over doing my job.
I also can't wait to weigh in tomorrow and see how I've gone this week. My diet started out pretty crappy this week but has improved dramatically and I've finished off with a bang. Now I just have to concentrate on my exercise and then I will consider myself back on track.

I worked out there is about 8 weeks till exbf comes home and I have about 8 kilos to lose to be under 80 kilos. Bring on this challenge. I am actually beginning to miss him. I so want a warm and loving cuddle and some action. Bascially I want what I can not have and I've told him so. He wants to see me too and has told me to imagine us cuddling. I am so over imagining it, I want the real thing.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But on that note, I'm not interested in dating anyone either.

My compliments day are:-

1. I can lose 8 kilos before exbf comes home.
2. I am very happy with how my week finished.
3. I am so proud of myself that I have turned things around and am back on track.
4. I deserve the best in life and am not going to settle for 2nd best.
5. I am the most important person in my life.


Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.
Think thin and drink more water.

Another Good Day

I had another good day today. Went to the dentist this morning for a check up and got my teeth clean and I don't have to go back again for at least 3-6 months.

When I got to work we had morning tea as the big boss came to see us. This consisted of cakes, sausage rolls, Vietnamese chicken rolls, scones with jam & cream and juice. I was so strong during this I drank my water and chatted to people. There was enough left over than it sat in the office all afternoon. Whilst I wasn't tempted at morning tea, the longer it sat in the office the more tempted I got. Around 4.30 this afternoon I was starving and was so tempted to have a sausage roll. It was to the point that I walked over to them and then stopped. In the end I walked away but decided it was time for me to go home as the longer I was there the more I wanted a sausage roll. Even thought about just eating the meat and not the pastry. In the end I'd said no as I had already planned my meals for the day and I want more than anything else right now to weigh less than exbf when he comes home. Yes more than anything, even us getting back together. This is my driving force at the moment.

Overall whilst I was very tempted today I resisted and had a great day food wise.

I also sat at the table and had dinner again tonight. What a great feeling it is, to sit and concentrate on what your eating and drinking . I also decided that I would drink my water tonight out out of a large red wine glass and that way I didn't feel like missing out on drinking wine.

My compliments today are:-

1. Ya to me for resisting morning tea.
2. Ya to me for taking time out to enjoy my dinner.
3. Ya to me for putting my needs and wants first today.
4. I am happy with my day and resistance.
5. I can see as a 80's girl by 1/8/06 and myself at goal weight within 6 months of being an 80's girl.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.
Think thin and drink more water.

My Day

I don't really have much to say today and have a really sore finger, as I broke a nail yesterday. When I broke the nail, it ripped half of my nail off, so I only have a nail on 1 finger of about 2 mm. Ouch!!!!!!!!!!! It really hurts to type on my finger.

Reason I have used this picture is that I actually sat at the table tonight and ate my dinner, yes it was on a plate and at a place setting with knife and fork. Really enjoyed it. Normally when I'm alone I sit on the lounge and eat from a bowl and don't really taste what I eat. Tonight I enjoyed every bit of it. I also stuck to my eating plan today which was good. I was on a course today and took my own lunch. I didn't eat the lollies, chocolates and biscuits that normally are provided. I am so proud of myself.

Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while will know that exbf comes home at the end of July 2006 and I'd love to flaunt to him all of the weight I've lost since he's been gone. My plan is to get serious and I'd love to lose 10 kilos by then. This will see me thinner than him and really show off how serious I am about losing weight and show him what his missing out on. To do this I need to get serious and not only stick to my eating plan but I need to exercise everyday. Tomorrow I'm going to renew my gym membership (expired a few weeks ago) and go every lunchtime for 30 mins and walk to work and home when I can. Provided the weather is nice I will walk to work and home on Friday. Tomorrow I need to go to the dentist and then have my nails done in the afternoon. I so hope they can fix my sore nail, otherwise I will have to wait till the nail grows back a while (about 1 month's time).

Hoped on the scales today and they were kind to me, that was also good. I'm not going to publish how good you will all have to wait till weigh in day on saturday. Update will probably be again in the evening as I have to drive to Erina to pick my dad up from my aunts.

Exercise still isn't happening as much as I'd like. My excuse is that it is raining in Sydney this week and I don't walk in the rain.

My compliments to day are:-

1. Congratulations to me for sticking to my meal plan today.
2. Congratulations to me for recording everything via CK.
3. Congratulations to me for resisting lollies, chocolate and biscuits today.
4. I did do some exercise today and walked around the City for 20 mins at lunchtime today.
5. I can do anything I set my mind to do.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice
Think thin and drink more water.

Men.

As you all know my life is all over the place at the moment. Very confused about my relationship with now exbf, he wants to be friends but enjoy all the other aspects of a relationship. During the past week he rings me once or twice a day and we talk like friends but also like lovers. Yes we have had phone sex and not just once. As I've said to him it appears he wants his cake and eat it too and I'm not too happy about that. He reckons he doesn't know what he wants which is one reason we split up. I'm not really to move on and date others and I'm not the kind of person to just have sex with someone. The sex we had was very good and I do miss it and just having someone to cuddle with and enjoy their company.

Don't get me wrong I don't have a problem with him ringing me. I love talking to him and would talk to him for hours when given the chance. We have been through so much together during the past 4 years and I can see him in my life as a best mate for ever. I know we both want more than just friends but then again we don't. We don't seem to work as a couple but work as friends. I tell him he wants to be friends with benefits and he laughs at it. I don't mind the benefits bit and would love to be back together but don't want all the stress, lies, deception etc. I think its best to be friends and just friends. This will be hard when I see him.

Having said all that about my exbf, we have a new manager at work (been there about 4 weeks but I know him from another department before) and I found my self checking him out today. Really checking him out, his face, legs, bum, stomach, etc., and more than once as well. He looked so good in the suit he was wearing and I found my self attracted to him . I was also picturing us snuggling and cuddling together and even dating. Can't believe I thought that, let alone just wrote it here. I didn't realize I was thinking this or doing this until I left the office this afternoon to go and see a client and was thinking about him in the car. OMG OMG OMG OMG. It is exciting but scary at the same time. I haven't felt this way about someone or checked out someone like this other than exbf for the past 4 years. Don't think I would ever do anything about this. Sex is just on the mind at the moment and has been for the past few days.

Work don't know that my bf is now my exbf and at the moment its the way I want it.

I so hate driving in Sydney at the moment. So much traffic and slow drivers. No wonder there is so much road rage going on at the moment.

My compliments
1. I stuck to my eating plan today.
2. I am a lovable person.
3. I am a calm person.
4. I deserve to be spoilt and loved.
5. I am heading in the right direction - forward.

thanks for listening to me.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice
Think thin and drink more water.

Weigh in Day

I can't believe it is weigh in day again already. Time is going so fast. I weighed in at 98.5 kilos today which isn't too bad considering its TOM. I've been pretty slack this week and haven't posted since last Tuesday. Main reason for this is I've been pretty flat this week and not feeling right. Not really sure what its all about and haven't been on the next much.
I'm a little all over the place this weekend as well. I'm sure its got to do with exbf should have come home yesterday and it would have been my mum's 72 birthday tomorrow. Its tough time emotionally for me at the moment.
I exbf and I spoke tonight and I can't believe how well we are getting on as friends. In fact I'll say we have never got on this well. There has always been some sort of stress, lies, deception, lack of communication and distance between us. Since we have split it's like all of the crap between us has gone and we are finally beginning to have the relationship we both always wanted with each other. That is to be nice to each other, respect each other and become friends. Don't get me wrong we are not getting back to together, just trying to be friends. We've spoken about this and agreed we will see how and where things go. We may decide to get back together when he comes home or just not spoil things and always be friends.

My compliments
1. I am a healthy person.
2. I eat healthy.
3. I am a good person
4. I am a considerate person
5. I put myself 1st in what ever I do.

Its time I really got stuck into losing my weight and would love to be in the 80's when exbf comes home at the end of July. I've told him I am going to use this at my motivation and tease him with it, so he can see what he is missing out on. His reply is what ever it takes you to stay motivated and as long as your happy.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.
Drink more water and think slim

Coping with a Crisis

Again this is from this week's CK uni stuff and great timing for things that are happening in my life.

No one plans for one, yet it at anytime in our lives, a crisis may turn our lives upside down. You may not be able to control the crisis, but you can manage your reaction.
Your Thoughts
Sometimes, we can be our own worst enemy. Negative self-talk can intensify the negative impact of a crisis. In fact, our perceptions and thoughts can exacerbate the crisis and wreak even more emotional havoc than the crisis itself.
Have you ever heard yourself saying any of the following?
"I can't deal with this."
" I will never be the same."
"My life is over."
Do you "awfulise" or tend to make situations even worse than they actually are in day-to-day events? If you do, your thinking will be your own worst enemy when a crisis strikes.
Extreme Stressors
Sometimes, the impact of stress in our lives can be enormous. A relationship break up, a death in the family, a major upheaval at work or a fight with a friend can all throw your world into turmoil. Staying in touch with your health goals can be impossible when you feel that your world has come tumbling down but you don't have to let go entirely. Good nutrition, sleep and exercise can all help you to deal with extreme stress and will lessen the negative impacts of stress on your body.
If a major crisis has occurred and your life has spun out of control for a few days, or even a few weeks, you may feel like your health goals are history. Go easy on yourself. Take the time you need to deal with whatever comes your way. Look after yourself and nurture yourself.
If, however, food has become an ongoing method of dealing with stress for you, perhaps it's time to look for alternatives. Emotional eating and stress-related bingeing are major issues that can be dealt with and resolved. There are alternatives for stress relief, including counselling, exercise and relaxation techniques.
Anger Management
Dealing with crisis is a huge part of being human. The way that we handle stress and situations that are out of our control can have a big impact on our health. If you have ever been the perpetrator of road rage or taken your stress out on your family, you are probably experiencing high levels of stress and need to take steps to manage anger. Violence or abuse in the home is of particular concern and the advice of a counsellor may be required.
Drug and Alcohol Abuse
For many people, times of crisis can open up new levels of addiction. Some people turn to alcohol or drugs as a way of coping. Ultimately, alcohol and drug abuse can only make the situation worse, including problems at work, financial strains and health problems. Driving while under the influence can put your life and the life of others at risk. Seek help from a recognised organisation in your area.
Coping Mechanisms
While we cannot prevent a crisis from occurring, we can put strategies in place to deal with crisis and prevent ourselves from engaging in a cycle of addictive behaviours, including binge eating. There are many methods of making ourselves feel better that don't involve food or eating.
Do something to relax your body: Go for a long walk, swim, jog. Maintain your exercise program. When you keep you body active, it helps your mind cope better.
Do something to relax your mind: meditation, deep breathing.
Express yourself: Write it all down. Allow yourself time to feel your emotions (unless they are so overwhelming that you can not manage them). Seek professional help if necessary.
Take a personal inventory: take stock of all that is good in your life.
Here are some further tips:
Don't isolate yourself. Seek comfort and support from friends and family.
Have a good cry – it's better to let your emotions out than to hold them. They will only fester and build up.
Physical touch is good for the spirit. Give a hug, ask for a hug.
Take a yoga or tai chi class.
Spend some time in the garden, park, beach or other natural environment.
Read something that soothes your soul.
Write in your blog.

Carlton

Stress

I got this from CK uni this week and thought I'd share it. I'm sure it will help so many people.

I. Dr Stress on Stress
Hi! My name is Dr. Stress. I am a nasty and frustrating character that can do you a lot of harm. I can permeate every corner of life and have a profoundly negative effect on its length and quality.
As Dr. Stress I like to show myself off in all sorts of ways. If you see a lot of these symptoms in your life, you'll know I'm thriving!
Symptoms of Stress:
Anger
Depression
Diarrhoea
Emotional overreaction
Exhaustion
Fingernail biting
Headaches
Increase of addictive behaviour
Irritability
Lack of concentration
Nausea
Poor memory
Pounding heartbeat
Rapid breathing
Repetitive behaviours
Sleep disorders
Stomach pains
Tightness in the chest or shoulders

A note of caution: Some of these symptoms can be early signs of other illnesses. We suggest that you talk to your doctor if you have any concerns about these symptoms.
I love change, conflict and frustration and my hideouts can be social, environmental, physical or emotional. Extreme temperatures, fights with the boss, traffic jams, illness, lack of money, and changes to lifestyle, and even basic biological functions including digestion, can cause me to erupt in your life. And I just love it if you have insufficient rest and an inadequate diet because they impair your ability to boss me around or try to kick me out.
Change of any kind has the potential to let me thrive. How many changes have you experienced this year? In your family, job, living conditions? Have you given me a lot of opportunities to develop?
Conflict also causes considerable stress for many people. Conflicts can occur within and outside of your control, with colleagues, family members, friends or community members. Most people also experience a degree of internal conflict, struggling within themselves over decisions, attitudes and beliefs. I love conflict! I can do all sorts of damage if there is enough conflict around. How much conflict is there in your life, both internally and with others? Can I feed well off your conflict?
Frustration is something you may experience, most often when things don't go your way. Some of you are very easy going even when things don't work the way you want them to, but I much prefer people who get extremely upset in frustrating situations. Something as simple as wanting to hang a picture but having difficulty hammering a nail into the wall can cause frustration, if you let it. If you are the sort of person who gets very upset when small things go wrong, I will be prominent in your life. What makes you frustrated?
Losing the car keys
Not being able to contact a person
Forgetting to pay bills
Getting stuck in traffic
Not having enough money
Getting lost
Losing a game
Waiting in line
Did you know it hasn't always been so easy for me to survive? This is what psychologist Pat Fiducia says about why I do so well in modern culture and lifestyle:
"When you perceive a stressful situation, you activate a mechanism called the flight-or-fight response. This is the same response that prehistoric humans experienced when confronted with life-threatening dangers.
An aggressive driver beeping his horn at you triggers the same pattern of autonomic nervous system responses that your ancestors experienced when being attacked by a predator.
This arousal response activates the release of adrenaline and steroids, diverts blood from the internal organs to the brain, increases heart rate and elevates blood pressure. Accompanying these physiological responses to stress are their emotional counterparts: fear and anger.
However, in most stress-inducing situations today, there is no physical fight or flight – no bear to kill or attacking tribe to run from. Therefore there is no release for the stress that has been pent up in your body. It gets stuck in mid-stream so to speak and that is why today people look to other forms of relief from stress, some of which are positive, such as exercise, and some of which can be negative, such as alcohol or food".
II. Food and Stress
One thing I manage to do while working away at making your life difficult, is convince you that relief is just a bite away. Many people use food as their drug of choice to temporarily deaden the emotional and physical effects I can cause in their lives. Eating can provide momentary relief from me because when you are eating, you are not thinking about other problems.
I know humans are motivated to avoid pain, and that is why they seek relief from me through food. But the relief is fleeting. After you eat, you are left with the same problems, plus a few more. Often you also feel guilty or depressed because you ate too much, and then that just gives me even more room to grow!
There are also certain foods I just love because they eat up the good nutrients in your body and let me thrive. If you want a lot of stress, consume the following:
Caffeine (cola, tea, chocolate): Caffeine inhibits your sleep, and depletes precious B vitamins. Caffeine is also a stimulant and if you already have me in your life you don't need more stimulation!
Alcohol: Alcohol also depletes your body's B vitamins and can disrupt sleep and impair your judgment or clarity of thought. Some studies suggest that drinking in moderation has some health benefits, however, new research has cast doubt on the protective effects of alcohol.
Sugar: The immediate short-term boost of energy from sugar often has a rebound effect followed by a prolonged 'low'. Sugar can cause irritability, lack of concentration and depression.
Fried foods and foods rich in fat: These are very immune depressing.
High-protein animal foods: These elevate brain levels of dopamine and nor epinephrine, both of which are associated with higher levels of anxiety and stress.
But then there are some foods I hate because they replace used up nutrients and help both the mind and the body to fight me off. If you want to reduce my influence on your life, try eating the following:
Whole grains promote the production of the brain neurotransmitter serotonin, which increases your sense of well-being.
Green, yellow and orange vegetables are all rich in minerals, vitamins, and phytochemicals, which boost immune response and protect against disease.
High-fibre, carbohydrate rich foods, such as baked sweet potatoes or minestrone soup – classic 'comfort foods'.
Citrus fruits are full of vitamin C, which is a great stress-busting antioxidant.
Are you a person who seeks relief from me through food? You can determine this by keeping a food/stress diary for a week or two. See if there is a connection between specific stressful situations and specific foods. If you see a connection between stresses and eating, then write down the sorts of foods you eat when you are stressed – find out what the fat, sugar and calorie counts are for those foods. Is eating when you are stressed causing you to consume excess calories or unhealthy foods?
III. What Can You Do About Me?
I seem to have the upper-hand with so many of you that it might be only fair to give you some hints as to what you can do to beat me at my job:
Alter your perceptions: One of the best ways to manage me is to rethink your perceptions. You may not be able to control a situation, but you do have absolute control of your point of view.
"There is nothing neither good nor bad, only thinking makes it so."– Shakespeare
Sometimes, if you are feeling very stressed, you might just need to re-think your response to an event. Is it really the end of the world because you can't hang a picture up quickly; or because the traffic is moving slower than usual; or because you spilt a glass of milk? Sometimes you need to learn to laugh at what you might perceive as a 'disaster'. Sometimes you need to let go of what you cannot control. Try shifting your focus from what is not working in your life, to what is.
It is important not to confuse day-to-day events with tragedies and drastic events. This discussion is only about day-to-day occurrences that impact your life negatively because of how they are perceived by you. More tragic events need more dramatic responses.
Limit changes: Once you identify the changes that induce stress, you can make decisions to limit the number of changes you allow in your life. Of course, you cannot simply quit your job, postpone your move, or permanently avoid everything in your life that has a high stress potential. But you can have some control over how many of these events happen at any one time. You can learn to prioritise for the sake of your sanity. Get used to asking yourself questions about your immediate and distant future: What can I rearrange? What is not a priority? What can I say "no" to? What is really important to me this weekend?
Manage conflict: By determining what you really value and what is really worth battling over, you can limit the amount of conflict in your life. Avoid certain situations that lead to conflict. Limit the number of interactions with people who battle with you. Examine conflicting drives and determine which one should prevail. You cannot expect a perfect world without conflict, but you can make a decision to limit the amount of self-inflicted turmoil in your life.
Let go, mind and body: If you think you are overwhelmed or cannot cope with stress, your body will respond with physical symptoms. But the mind/body connection works both ways: your thinking can produce positive responses as easily as it produces negative ones. You can calm your mind just by relaxing your body. Deep breathing, visualisation and meditation are just a few methods to help relax your body and your mind.
Exercise: Exercise fuels the brain's stress buffers. Twenty to thirty minutes of physical activity, on a regular basis, is a great way to manage stress. You'll find that a consistent exercise schedule not only keeps you alert and focused during the day, but also helps you sleep better at night. If you have a lot of pent up tension, going for a fast walk or for a relaxing swim can ease it out of your system.
It's the little things: Just as little things can get you stressed, little things can help to control stress. For example, a spray of your favourite scent in the air will do wonders to keep you in a calmer frame of mind. Listening to music you enjoy can also slow your breathing and heart rate, and act as a medicine for your mind. If you feel stress beginning to overwhelm you, take some long, slow, deep breaths and then let go of your shoulders. Visualise a pleasant place that you like to go for escape. Call a friend, plant a seed, pull up some weeds, clean out your closet, take a bubble bath... there are so many little things you can do to manage stress and stop yourself from reaching for the cookie jar!
IV. Final Words
Stress is a fact of every day life. We cannot avoid Dr. Stress, but we can manage him so that he does not overwhelm us. Awareness is the first step toward change and management, so if you are even conscious of the way stress affects you and whether it induces you to eat more than you need to, you have a good start. However, if you are having a lot of difficulty getting stress under control, it is a good idea to talk with your doctor or a mental health practitioner.
Good luck with kissing Dr. Stress goodbye!

I Owe My Mum

Got this off CK and thought I'd post it here.

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE."If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. Ijust finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION."You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL."If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock youinto the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC." Because I said so! that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC."If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT."Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're inan accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cryabout."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM."Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA."You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER."This room of yours looks as if a tornado went throughit."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY."If I told you once, I've told you a million times.Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE."I brought you into this world, and I can take youout."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION."Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY."There are millions of less fortunate children in thisworld who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION."Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING."You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE."If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are goingto freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP."Put your sweater on; don't you think I know whenyou are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR."When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't comerunning to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT."If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never growup."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS."You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS."Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were bornin a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM."When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE."One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Back to Work Today

Yes I went back to work today and found lots and lots of work to do. I haven't stressed about of the mess I found. The person they had doing my job wasn't experienced enough to coupe with my job and work load. Got back to 90 emails to read and quick a few deals to do and sort out. If I got stuck into the work it could be done in about 3 days but its not going to happen. I'm not prepared to stress about it. It will get done when it gets done, within a reasonable time of course. The good news is that I've gotten some help from one of the others managers,who also came back to work today. I have known this guy for about 8 years and we have been though lots of ups and downs together at work. One of the other Managers has come back from 7 weeks stress leave today and is not going back to his job, so my manager has decided that he can help me get on top of my work load which is good. I will deal with the phone and he can help me sort out the crap of my job. This is good because as at next Monday I need to train another people to do the same job as me (I've been covering both jobs on and off for the past 7 months. More on and off). That will help relieve some of the work pressure. We are both getting a new assistant and they will also need to be trained as well, so I'll get to do that too. Don't you just love it. Lucky they halved the number of clients I look after a few months ago, otherwise I couldn't cope with it all.

My colleague and I had a great chat today about life, putting ourselves first in life, our therapist, depression, medication etc. It was so good to chat to someone that can really relate to our problems and know what the other one is going through. I sense it will make us closer work colleagues. He is also helping me see that there is no need for me to be embarrassed about being diagnoed with depression and that it is a normal reaction to life. I've learnt so much about myself and how I feel about myself etc today. It has been a great learning experience. It made me think so much about how I act to things, how I think about myself and things going in my life. Its like I'm not alone in all of this, one of my colleagues/friends is going through it as well. In a bizarre way its comforting to know this. I'm beginning to feel at peace with my condition at last and feel that I can coupe with anything that's thrown my way and can get over this and feel normal again.

I'm still a little shocked that I opened up so much today about my depression and life as I don't tend to open up to, too many people. Its easy to open up here as its not like opening up to people but that I'm just voicing my concerns, ideas and interests on a piece of paper. It still spins me out some times that there are people out there that want to read this and care enough about me to even post a reply. I thank you all for kind words and support. It has helped me a lot especially during the past few months.

I went to JB and bought some motivational cd's & a DVD to listen/watch, either before I go to bed or when I wake up. This will help me relax more and make me a happier person.

Yesterday I started a no chocolate challenge in CK which will run for 6 weeks until 22/6/06. So far I have not had any chocolate and have stuck to the sureslim program today. This challenge is a day by day thing for me and will help me to cover come the cravings and be able to control chocolate. I DO NOT WANT TO BE CONTROLLED BY CHOCOLATE ANYMORE. If I can last the 6 weeks I will have broken the back of being controlled by Chocolate. I've done this with ice cream, so I know that I can do it with chocolate.

Today's Compliments

1. Congratulations to me for not having chocolate today.
2. Congratulations to me for sticking to my sureslim program today.
3. Good on me for letting my colleague into my world and opening up to him.
4. I am feeling great about me and my life today.
5. Good on me for doing some exercise today.

Today was a good day.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Mothers Day

Today is mothers day and with my mum no longer being here, I thought today would be a difficult day. So far so good today. I've had a fairly good day.

I found the poem below regarding mothers on the CK site and just had to use it in todays blog.


What are Mums made of?
A spoonful of sugar
A cupful of love
Sprinkle with kisses
Give a big hug.

I miss my mum so much.

I contacted Dave last night regarding the walking group and am going to go and take a look at the group and go for a walk with them this week. This is a big thing for me to have actually done it. Now I just have to turn up.

Exbf and I had a good chat today regarding us being friends and what that really means going forward. I'm the type of person that needs to know what is going on. I also need to know what any barriers are and need to feel in control of situations. So far all conversations that we've had since we split have been pleasant and very little tension. Its a bit amazing we not good as a couple but great as friends.

I'm happy with how things in my life are now going.

My compliments:-

1. Congratulations to me for sticking to sureslim program today.
2. Congratulations to me for not eating any chocolate or anything from the vending machine today.
3. I am happy with myself and my will power.
4. I am a trustworthy person
5. Congratulations on contacting Dave regarding his walking group.

Hope everyone had a great mothers day and spoilt their mums lots. Have a great day and just remember you can do what ever you want to.


Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Weigh in Day

Yes today is weigh in day and it seems to come around so fast. I weighted in at 99 kilos today which is a gain of 300 grams. Not too bad considering its over 2 weeks, I've been sick for a week and a half, I've comfort ate this week with lots of chocolate and have basically done no exercise.

If I also tell the truth I've struggled to stay focused and on the sureslim program since I've come back from my trip to Melbourne in early April. Enough is enough I am so sick of being this size, which is why I joined Coco and Rainbow in their 10 kilo challenge. Briony has now joined us, so theirs 4 of us in the challenge which is great but since the challenge started, where now in week 3 I've only lost 500 grams. Today is a new week and instead of saying I'm going to stick to the sureslim program all week I'm going to say I will stick to it today and take it as a day by day thing.

I do not need chocolate in my life and I will stick to sureslim today. So far today I have for breakfast, 200g of natural yoghurt, a peach, 2 tbs of linseed meal and 300 mls of water. So far so good.

My compliments for today are:-

1. I am a healthy person.
2. I can do anything.
3. Nothing will stop me now.
4. I do not need chocolate.
5. I am a strong person.

Have a great day


Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice

My Journey today

This picture represents winter and I thought I'd use it as it was rather cold in Sydney today.

Well another week is over and weigh in day is tomorrow. Not looking forward to that as I've eaten far too much chocolate this week. Not really sure why but it happened. We even discussed it in therapy last night and no real reasons were discovered.


I DO NOT NEED CHOCOLATE!!!!!!
I DO NOT NEED CHOCOLATE!!!!!!
I DO NOT NEED CHOCOLATE!!!!!!
I DO NOT NEED CHOCOLATE!!!!!!
I DO NOT NEED CHOCOLATE!!!!!!
I DO NOT NEED CHOCOLATE!!!!!!

Must keep reminding myself, I DO NOT NEED CHOCOLATE!!!!!!

Today was spend by reading, sleeping in and I didn't actually get out of bed and feed my two cats until noon. They didn't seem to mind as when I woke up they were both on the bed sound alseep as well, That's not something I do all that often but I didn't go to bed until 1.30 a.m.
The afternoon as spend cooking main meals from the sureslim cookbook I got from ebay. I made the following:-

1. Chilli Chicken (you even make the chilli sauce and vegetable stock from scratch) Chilli sauce was made last night and vegetable stock was made a few nights ago.
2. Thai spicy chicken
3. Spicy Baked Beans

All meals serve 4 and as I'm on my own now it means that I have just made myself 12 evening meals. Yes they were put into individual containers and placed in the freezer. This will give me no excuses for not having a meal at night that doesn't fit into the sureslim program. All I need to do is defaust them and heat the in the microwave. A bit like take away without having all the fat and bad stuff.

I'm going back to work on Monday and in a way that will be good as I'll go back to exercising. I recently started walking to work and back every day (3 kms in about 35 mins) and be back into my routine. I'm trying not to think about all the work on my desk and complaints from clients about my absence just yet. Will leave that until Monday.

Today's compliments.

1. I am begining to like myself for myself.
2. My life maybe stressful, however, there are others out there worse off than myself.
3. I am pleased with myself for cooking and organising 12 healthy meals for the coming weeks.
4. Congratulations on me drinking my 2 litres of water today.
5. I am a well liked person.

This compliment thing is so hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It takes more time thinking of these 5 compliments than it takes to type the rest of my entry.

Spoke to exbf again today, as we are trying to remain friends. Things are ok between us and it looks like he will be home in August 2006, should have been next week but he changed his plans.

Well that's about it for today.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice

People come into your life for a reason

Got this off the CK website and thought it was so great, I thought I'd post it here as well as sending it to a few people

PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON

I am sending this to you to see how many actually read their e-mail.
Your response will be interesting.
Pay attention to what you read.
After you have finished reading it, you will know the reason it was sent to you.

Here goes:

People come into your life for a reason, a season or alifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for thatperson.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet aneed you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, toprovide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Send this to every friend that you have on-line, including theperson who sent it to you.
0 Replies - you may need to work on your "people skills"
2 Replies - you are nice but probably need to be more outgoing
4 Replies - you have picked your friends well
6 Replies - you are downright popular
8 Replies or More - you are totally awesome (and that'sprobably why you're on MY list)

Today

I can't believe tomorrow is Friday. This week has gone so fast and I haven't really done much.

Today quote is
"We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality."– Iris Murdoch"

I went and saw my therapist tonight to discuss my reactions to my brothers death and split with bf. Things went pretty well, a few tears etc but ok. The real scary stuff is about to happen in therapy and that is to focus on me and why I do the things I do to myself, I have little self confidence and am shy around people when I first met them. Also why I let these things stop me from meeting new people and living life.

Via CK I found a website for Davidn Hilyander from the biggest loser show and he mentions setting up a walking group. David doesn't live really all that way a way from me (about 15 mins drive) and I thought it might be good to contact him and see if his still doing it and join the group. I discussed this with my therapist and she thinks its a great idea. She also thinks I need to meet a lot more people and go out a lot more. This will also keep my mind off the loss of my brother, mum and bf and help to develop my self confidence more. A bit scary is what I think. I'm willing to give it ago, I think!!!!!!! I surpose I better, she will only ask me about it next time I'm there and yes she will ask. We discussed that as well.

David's website is:- http://www.davidhilyander.com/

My therapist has given me a few tasks for me to this during the next few weeks. These are:-

1. Go out and enjoy myself this weekend i.e. catch a movie or go out for dinner with friends.
2. contact David via email and see if his walking group is still going.
3. If so, join it and actually go.
4. Do a daily compliments diary (that's compliments I give myself and not what others give me).

I will incorporate this compliments diary into my blogs. I need to give myself 5 compliments a day.

Compliments Diary

1. I am a special person.
2. I am a happy and fun loving person.
3. I can and will lose the 40 kilos that I want to.
4. I am a nice person
5. I can do what ever I put my mind to.

Boy was that a hard thing to do, think of 5 reasons to love myself. I'm going to try and make them different everyday.

This entry has turned out to be a decent length, considering when I started I didn't think I had much to say. How wrong I was.

Quote of the day

Not much to say today as I've spend the say at home on the computer whilst I recover from my cold.

Just received this Quote of the Dayn so I thought I'd post it:-

"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee."– Marian Wright Edelman.

Hope you are all having a great day

Feel like crap

I'm back home and feel like crap. I woke up last Wednesday morning with a cold and nearly lost my voice last Thursday. Its not getting any better.
Today was spend, picking up the cats from the vets, doing the shopping and sleeping. I'm so tired, all I want to do is sleep.
Whilst my time interstate was sad and lots of tears where shed, I'm so glad I went. The funeral was really sad, I still can't believe my brother is gone. Whilst we will never know why he did what he did, I did get some answers to why they think he killed himself. I feel so sorry for my sister in law who now has to bring up the kids by herself, find a new house to live in (business has been sold and settlement is 4 weeks away), move and settle into life without my brother. They were married for 19 1/2 years and have been together since they were 19 years old. There is so much for her to do within the next 4 weeks.
I so hate being sick and feeling like crap. I was going to go for a walk today, as its fairly sunny in Sydney but because I'm feeling crappy that didn't happen.