Yes I'm still around

Sorry guys I am still around and sorry for not posting for a while. Just realised it's been a month. Didn't realise it was that long.

To be honest my mind hasn't been in the right place to blogg. Sorry about that. My break up with exbf has taken its toll on me more emotionally, than I thought it would. We spoke on the phone tonite for the first time since we split and it was hard. Very emotional for me, I spend some of the time crying and I actually felt worse than when we started. I'm thinking that it was too soon for us to actually talk on the phone. We have been sending the odd text message and that I can handle but can't seem to handle talking to him just yet. Wonder if I ever will.

One thing I found good with our talking was that it took him about 45 mins into the conversation for him to say something that annoyed me and that he is having a hard time getting over the relationship as well.

I'm still feeling pretty down about my life at the moment and feeling rather down.

My weight has gone up and down a few kilos since the break up and its starting to annoy me. I'm feeling very fat at the moment.

Well better go and get some sleep so I can get up early tomorrow and walk to work.

Carlton
Take one Step at a time.

Don't you Quit

DON'T YOU QUIT

When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down,
And you feel like the biggest failure in town.
When you want to give up just because you gave in,
and forget all about being healthy and thin.

So What!

You went over your calories a bit,
It's your next move that counts...So DON'T YOU QUIT!
It's a moment of truth,
it's an attitude change.

It's learning the skills to get back in your range.
It's telling yourself, "You've done great up till now.
You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow."

It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal.
You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.
To stumble and fall is not a disgrace, if you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the struggler's, when losing their grip,
Just throw in the towel and continue to slip.

And learn too late when the damage is done,that the race wasn't over...they still could have won.
Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,but facing each challenge will help you grow.
Success is failure turned inside out,the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.
When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit,
If you bite it, you write it...But

DON'T YOU QUIT !!!-

Author Unknown -

Carlton
One Step at a Time

Such an Emotional Day

I've had a rather rough day today emotionally. I've felt very flat, low and just lonely.

I've been so tempted to ring ex today to talk to him, didn't really have anything to say to him, just wanted to hear his voice. But I've keept strong and but keep telling myself I don't need to do that. Might just make me a little more emotional.

Tonight has been extremely tough, as I miss him so much. I'm glad I'm going away on Tuesday for a week and that will take my mind off him but its just so hard at the moment. I thought I was doing rather well up until today as I hadn't cried about the breakup since Saturday morning but tonight the flood gates opened up again.

I so hate looking at the reminders of him, like the things he bought me. Just makes it so much harder.

This part of life just sucks big time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for rambing on but just had to get it out of me.

Carlton :
Take One Step at a Time.

Single Again

As the title indicated my partner and I have split up again. This time it is for good as far as I am concerned. He was us to be friends but that hasn't worked in the past and we get back into a relationship of some sorts. I have told him that as I don't want to be just friends, then all ties need to be cut and that I don't want anything to do with him again. I do not want him to ring me, email or visit me. It may should a little harsh as we have had some sort of relationship for over 4 1/2 years but it is the only way that I am going to be able to move on and get on with my life. I need to be selfish with this one. Needless to say he wasn't pleased.

The break up happened tonight and needless to say I've spend the past few hours crying and not being able to sleep. Not sure if I will be able to sleep but I will need to try as I have a very busy day at work tomorrow before I go on holidays for 2 weeks.

Things have been pretty rocky for the past month and if I honest with myself, I knew that the breakup was coming, but it still doesn't make it easy. I would so love to have him in my life as a friend but I can't do friends just now. Its too painful, maybe one day.

Now it is time for me to focus on me for a change and get on with my life and start losing some of this weight that I have regained.


Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

Find Your Fairy

I found this site via an on line buddy of mine, Bec.

The online fairy site is found at http://www.emmadavies.net

My fairy is called Columbine Elftree
She is a cheerful sprite.
She lives in mushroom fields and quiet meadows.
She is only seen when the first leaves fall from the trees.
She wears lilac and purple like columbine flowers. She has delicate green wings like a cicada.

I so love lilac and purple and great to see my fairy wears these colours.


Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Dr Phil's book the Ultimate Weight Loss Challenge

I've owned this book for approximately 2 1/2 years and have never fully read it. It seems when ever I start it something distracts me and I never finish it. I've decided that one of my goals this year is not only read the book but to put the keys into practice.

Key 1: Right Thinking
Lay aside self-defeating, invalid mindsets that do not work. They have the power to keep you from making different choices or developing new behaviors. Too often, we let these negative notions go unchallenged, and we act as though they were true. You must monitor what you're thinking and challenge whether it is true. If it's not working, replace it with thinking that works.

Key 2: Healing Feelings
Overcome emotional overeating by managing inappropriate reactions to stress; solving problems rather than dwelling on them; changing self-defeating thoughts, since more often than not, feelings follow thoughts; gaining closure on unfinished emotional business; and learning new ways to cope without resorting to food.

Key 2 is a big one for me.

Key 3: A No-Fail Environment
Design your world so that you can't help but succeed. This involves removing temptations to eat and rearranging your schedule in order to avoid or minimize triggers to overeat.

Key 4: Mastery Over Food and Impulse Eating
There's only one reason why you haven't changed the bad stuff in your life. You're getting something out of it. I'm not saying that you're getting something healthy or positive, but people do not continue in situations, attitudes or actions that do not give them a payoff. This key helps you identify those payoffs, unplug from them, and replace bad habits with healthy behavior.

Key 5: High-Response Cost, High-Yield Nutrition
To lose weight, you must choose foods that support good behavioral control over your eating, that is, high-response cost, high-yield foods, organized into a moderate, balanced, calorie-controlled plan to ensure weight loss.

Key 6: Intentional Exercise
Prioritize regular exercise into your life most days of the week — walking, jogging, aerobic dance classes, yoga, playing a sport, or lifting weights. Exercise does more than simply burn calories; it changes your self-perception so you stop labeling yourself as a couch potato.

Key 7: Your Circle of Support
Surround yourself with supportive, like-minded people who want you to lose weight and succeed at your health and fitness efforts.

from drphill.com

I was reading some old posts on Mary's blog and came across the above keys. It reminded me how far I have to go before getting my life under control and today is the first step towards doing just that.

Carlton
One Step at a time.

Confused

I'm a little confused with my actions at the moment, I so want to lose weight and be healthy but I keep sabotaging my efforts.

I have not tracked or eaten well during the past 3 days. I know it is related to my thoughts and feelings and what I feel about myself.

As a result of this I have changed my saying from Never pay for the same kilo twice to One Step at a time. This new saying is more in line with where I am at with my weight loss or lack of weight loss journey at the moment.

I would like to thank everyone for their kinds words over the past few days. I really appreciate it and have taken it all on board. I especially thank Mary for her kind words. I know I need to exercise and really hate getting up early to do it but I am going to make the effort to do so, as I am worth it.

My plan for exercise this week is:-

Tuesday - Walk to work 3.5 kms done & took 40 mins and walk home 3.5 km's done and took 40 mins.
Wednesday - Walk to work 3.5 kms done and took 40 mins and walk home 3.5 km's.
Thursday - Walk before work 30 mins and lunchtime walk on the treadmill - 30 mins.
Friday - Walk to work 3.5 kms and walk home 3.5 km's.

This will mean I will need to get up at 6.30 am instead of 7 a.m. and I can do it for me. Getting up 30 mins earlier might not seem much to some of you but it is huge for me. I am a night time person, who loves staying up till the early hours of the morning and hate getting up before 10 a.m.

Will update my progress as I do it.

Carlton
One step at a time.

New Beginnings

Weigh in was tonight and I found out why I am feeling so fat and like a pig at the moment. I have put on so much weight in the last 2 months its not funny.

Tomorrow is the start of a new weight watchers week for me and the start of new beginnings. I am going to be focused, exercise every day and track (try to stick to my 22 points). I already understand how out of control my eating is at the moment, and I hoping that this will help me curb my bad habits.

I tracked all of my food and points today via my weight loss blog, which was really good and made me feel really accountable to you all. I have begun to understand that just because people don't post comments, doesn't mean people are reading my blogs and understanding or relating to me.

I actually had so much fun tracking today, I will do it again tomorrow.

I am going to set the alarm 30 mins earlier than normal and am going to go for a walk before I go to work. I am also going to try to get to the gym for 30 mins at lunch tomorrow as well but will need to see how the day goes.

My relationship with the partner is a little tense at the moment and not really sure why. The distance between us isn't really helping as we can't just sit down and talk about things, but I also like having this distance between us. Will need to talk to my therapist about this tomorrow night when I go.

Work is also getting pretty stressful at the moment. Lending money to business clients is quite hard to do at the moment, due to competition. Its hard to compete when some banks price deals just to win them and write them at any rate. Gone are the days when clients care about paying for a personal business banking manager and on going service, now all they care about is who is giving them the lowest price. This makes my job so hard to do. The pressure is starting to come from higher than my manager and is making it extra hard. I am starting to be so over all of this and thinking about walking away from it all.

Sorry to blubber on so much/long but I need to get it out of my system.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Eating out of control

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I have lost the plot with my eating. I orginally thought it was because I was nervous about meeting the other bloggers at the bloggers dinner last saturday night. Saturday night has been and gone and I survied and had a great night. Now I know it wasn't caused by this, as I still can't stop eating. I am on 22 points on ww and eat more than that not sure how much more as I haven't seriously been tracking. I so want to lose weight and understand that it will take some time. I would like to be an 70's girl by the end of 2006 but I realise that isn't really realistic for me, so I'll refocus and say I'd love to be an 80's girl by the end of 2006.

I'm also scared about weighing in tomorrow night because of how much I feel I have put on. I also think that I now weight more than when I joined weight watchers about a month. I feel so ashamed and so fat.

I realise that tomorrow is another day and that I can start again but how do I stop overeating for the sake of overeating??????????? I also need to start exercising as well and go back to the gym, even if I just use the treadmill.

Tomorrow is another day and the restart of this journey. I will take tomorrow as a separate day and focus all my energy on tracking and doing a little bit of exercise and not worry about any other day.

I decided to create a separate blog for my tracking, exercise and weigh in results, which can be found at http://carlton-weightloss.blogspot.com/. This will see me being accountable to you all and help me to stay on track.

This is a huge move, from my point of view and welcome your comments on this. I so want to look so much better next time I meet any of you.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Blogger Dinner and my weekend

Saturday nite I went to the Sydney bloggers dinner and met so many lovely ladies. I'm pinching myself that I actually went, as I hadn't met any of them before in real life and only knew a few of them from their blogs and emails. There were lots of ladies that I either didn't know anything about or had only read their blogs once or twice, which made it rather scary as well.

The nite went so fast and I had such a great time. It was a pitty that I didn't have time to talk to most people over the night as there were 18 of us at dinner. I can't wait for the next dinner/lunch, outing etc and get to know everyone better. It was a shame the food wasn't the best but the company well and truely made up for it. Mary did a great job organising it and making sure everyone was happy and looked after.

I'm still having a hard time believing I went to the dinner, as it is so out of my comfort zone and not something I would normally do. Up until being asked to go my Me I had gone to great lengths in keeping my real identy on the net a very big secret. This whole experience shows me that I am starting to let down the walls I've put up around me and let people in to know the real me. I am also starting to let go of my hang ups and getting back on with my life.

My partner came down for the weekend and had a fairly good weekend. I was rather sick on Sunday morning and originally thought it was a combination of too much drinking on Saturday night and not very nice food. In the end I think it might have been a touch of food poisoning. I'm still not feeling the best and again have a touch of gastro as well today. If I'm not feeling better tomorrow will go back to doctors and get something.

As a lot of you know, I've been spending lots of time organising my townhouse, making it look like a home and chucking out all of the crap that I had been hording over the past 8 years. Yes I am a big horder and am trying to stop doing it. My partner couldn't believe the changes I'd made since the last time he came to visit and was very impressed. He asked me how long had it taken and when I said weeks, he was very surprised. He was meant to come to Sydney the weekend before but as I was too sick to go to his aunty's birthday party, he didn't come down.

Down side of the weekend was that I forgot to change the batteries in my camera on Saturday night so I couldn't take any photos. Also as I wasn't feeling well on Sunday, I forgot to take the recharable batteries, so I couldn't take any photo's when we went out to Oran Park yesterday for the V8 racing. We didn't get there as early as I would have liked but that was because my partner and I had a bit of a lie in and I was throwing up until about 10 a.m.

My eating hasn't been the best during the past week and I think that had to do with be stressing out over the bloggers dinner. Well that's over with now and I survived it. Time to get back to eating well, tracking and getting back on track. I'm sure I've put on weight but I'm not going to stress out it. Whats done is done. I will start again tomorrow and begin to make healty choices.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

My weight loss journey

These pictures are courtesy of the my virtual model website and is based on my revised starting weight at weight watchers on 19/7/06.

I have been spending the past few days reflecting on my weight loss journey or lack of it over the past the past 9 months, since my mum died and realised that I put on 7 kilos during this time. This weight gain is despite making several attempts to lose weight via other weight loss centers and diets. Yes I have had a lot on my plate during this time but when I look back at it I have been using these as an excuse and using the poor little old me card. For me to achieve the next picture I'm going to post, this poor little old me, has to stop and I would like all of your help with this. Please, if I resort back to the poor little old me stuff, kick my butt and kick it really hard.

This next picture is of me when I get to my goal weight and whilst I'm the one that actually needs to lose the weight and do the exercise I do need help doing so. Can you please help me out.

Yesterday I spent some time focusing on my weight loss goals and making a power point presentation to inspire me to stay on track. I have placed copies of this presentation around my bedroom, bathroom, on the fridge and pantry. I have included things like, I can do this, do you need to eat this, I am beautiful, how it is going to get you to your goal, I never want to look like the the zoo picture again etc. I have included the picture from the zoo as my inspiration, as after looking at this picture I rejoined weight watchers for the final time.

I am going to lose the weight this time. So far I have lost 2 kilos which is great and have another 41 kilos to go to look like the 2nd picture.

To help me along the way I have made the following goals. I am now concentrating on working out what rewards I will give myself for making these goals. My first weekly goal reward is to be a pedicure.

My ultimate goals are:-

1. To lose 43 kilos.
2. To feel healthy and strong
3. To wear a size 10 clothing (Australian sizes)
4. To love myself.

My monthly goal:-

1. To lose 5 kilos in August 2006.
2. I will plan all of my meals.
3. I will track and stay within points every day.
4. I will exercise for a min of 30 mins every day.
5. I will run 1 km without stopping.

My weekly goal:-

1. I will lose 1.1 kilos this week.
2. I will go for 3 walks and 2 gym sessions this week (I left my gym stuff at work and am off sick at the moment).
3. If it is raining, I will do an exercise video instead of walking.

Daily goals:-
1. I will exercise today.
2. I will track my food today.
3. I will make healthy choices and avoid take away food where possible.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice
I can do anything I wish to do.

Did you know???????????

I found some interesting and useless facts I thought I'd share with you all.

Did you know??????????????

1. A tipe rope walker is called a funambulist.
2. Flounders swim sideways
3. A human eye can, given enough time to adjust, see almost as well as an owl's.
4. The rush of air produced by a cough can approach 1000km an hour. (scary seeing I've been coughing for over a week now).
5. Greyhounds eyesight is the best of any bread of dog.
6. In the time it takes to read this sentence, 50,000 cells in your body will die and be replaced.
7. It takes a tonne of ore to produce one gold wedding ring.
8. 214 crates were used to transport the Statue of Liberty from France to New York in 1885.
9. The only thing that can destroy a diamond is intense heat.

Hope you have great day.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Still Sick

Yes I am still sick and so sick of being sick. I'm am so over coughing, sneezing, blowing my nose and generally feeling horrible, coughing up fleum etc.

I did go back to work yesterday and didn't do much but spread my germs around the place. Today I also went back to work but left 2 hours after getting there, as I was too sick to be there in the first place.

I finally went to the dr's this arvo and he has given me until Thursday off, when I rang my boss to tell him, he suggested that I also take Friday off and come back to work on Tuesday. Monday is Bank holiday. This way I can have good week to rest, relax and get over my germs.

My Dr even gave me penicillin to help get me better. I don't think I have ever had penicillin before so this will be interesting.

Just did a load of washing and must have left a tissue in it, as there is now tissues everywhere and will have to put everything in the dryer to dry and this will also get rid of all of the pits of tissues.

Well better go back to bed and rest up some more.

Carlton

Never pay for the same kilo twice

Oh What a Day

This is a picture of my cat Zac who was the cause of my stress and frustration today.

I took Zac and my other cat Zelda over to my dad's place this afternoon so they could spend some time with him and spend some time in his backyard.

I let Zac and Zelda out the back yard at 2 p.m. and then spent some time doing my cross stitch. At 2.30 p.m. I decided to check on them and could only find Zelda. The stress and frustration came when I discovered that the side gate was opened and I couldn't find Zac anywhere. He wasn't coming to his name being called and the shaking of treat packets. I, my dad and my brother searched everyone in the backyard and under the house, still nothing. I took to walking the streets and calling out his name, still nothing. My dad and brother gave up searching but I kept searching the streets and every so often coming back and searching the backyard and under the house again, but nothing. Eventually at 4.45 p.m. I get a text message from my brother telling me Zac had been found. I was so happy but angry at the same time.

We do not know where Zac spend this time as when he had, had enough exploring he walked up the back steps and tried to get back in the house (I had closed the door so I at least knew where Zelda was during the search) and was meowing at Zelda through the door. My brother thinks the whole thing was funny and that Zac shouldn't be in trouble because at least he came home.

You need to bear in mind that Zac is a 4 year old indoor cat who hasn't been exposed for great length of time to the outside world and has no street sense. During his missing time I was in tears, hysterical and thinking how to I explain to my partner that Zac got out and is now missing. Zac is his favourite cat. Also I wasn't looking forward to Zelda pinning for Zac, apparently she was walking about the lounge room looking for him and wondering what was going on.

I am glad it all worked out in the end and in future I will check the side gate to make sure it is locked.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Not much happening at the moment

Yes as the title indicates, not much is happening in my life at the moment. I'm sick with the flu and have spend the better part of the past few days in bed.

I did go and spend some time with my dad yesterday afternoon, took him to the cementary to see mum's cremation plot and then we went shopping and had lunch. Normally I'd also stay for dinner but came home early as I wasn't feeling well.

Spoke with bf last night regarding how he is going and our relationship. Have discovered he doesn't like being referred to as bf and would much prefer to be called my partner. So going forward I will respect his request and refer to him as my partner. He is going really well but I do miss him greatly. I also can't believe that I have never felt more at ease and happy in a relationship with him. Even at the very beginning over 4 years ago, I was always stressed about something.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Cleaning - Yes that horrible word again

If you have been reading my previous blogs, I have been spending a lot of time uncluttering my townhouse now that bf's stuff has gone. It still seems weird calling him bf again and not exbf.

I can't believe how much stuff, mainly junk/paper I have kept of the past 8 years I've lived in this house. Whilst it was a while ago, 3 years infact, that I did the last major clean up (when bf moved in) and chucked a lot of stuff out, I still can't believe all of the paper I have kept since then. I still need to do a good dusting and vacum the whole house, I must say it is starting to look good and like a home you would be happy to invite people over to.

Yesterday afternoon and last night I spend some time uncluttering my bedroom. I even rearranged the bedroom and just by moving a few small items, it looks so much better.

My eating hasn't been the best during the past week, mainly due to me having visitors and being out of my normal routine. As some of you know that I joined sureslim last March and whilst the program is good, it not something that I find myself sticking to, so I decided that I had to do something with my weight and I rejoined Weight Watchers last Wednesday night. It wasn't the ideal time to do it with visitors coming to stay but if I waited for the perfect time, it would never happen and I want to look and feel better for the C2S dinner in August. Ist weight in at Weight Watchers is tonight and not looking forward to it. I know that I have lost some weight this week but not as much as I would have liked.

I also had a really sore throat yesterday and woke up with the flu today. Not feeling the best and just want to curl up in front of the heater today and do nothing. Its a bit like the weather in Sydney today, raining and miserable.


Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

test

Just testing on how to resize my photo's using . I have also decided to add this photo to my profile. Will update it on a regular basis as I lose more weight.

Cat Heaven

Cat Heaven

A cat died and went to Heaven.

God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again."God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing?

Are you happy?"The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!"

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice

Life at the moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life, what can I say. Sorry for not posting for a while, however, I've had visitors and friends over for dinner etc during the past week and have been very busy.

I tried to upload a picture for this blog but am having trouble doing so and will have to go ahead without one.

Not sure how to begin this blog and this is going to be a long one, as so much has happened during the past week. I am enjoying my time off work and feel so relaxed and carefree at the moment.

Exbf was in Sydney for a few days and we spend some time together. Exbf and I had a few really long, deep & meaningful discussions over the weekend, mainly about life, our relationship and how things are going for him now he is living back with his parents. After much discussion we have decided to give our relationship another go. We actually sat down and discussed what we both want out of the relationship and have decided as a starting point, the following:-

1. Take things slowly.
2. To try and recreate what we had when we first of all got together.
3. Communication is very important.
4. Try not to control or put too much pressure on the other person.
5. Be exclusive.
6. Have fun together and enjoy the time we have together.
7. As he now lives 400 kms away we will try to see each other every 2nd weekend. Financially we both can't afford every weekend.
8. Give each other some space and share the STD phone calls.
9. I do not want to feel used and taken for granted.

These are in no particular order and may sound a little over the top but we need guidelines in this relationship. We tried it for 4 years without guidelines and not discussing what we both wanted or needed out of the relationship and it didn't work out. I need to feel secure in my decision to give the relationship another go, especially with him being 400 kms away and learning to trust him again.

We had a few hick ups over the weekend but were adult enough to talk about them and sort them out. Overall the weekend was a good one, not everything we planned to do happen but we spent a lot of time talking about things and seeing what we can do to make the relationship work. We had some good progress.

The house was very quiet and lonely when he left today. This morning we were going to go for a walk but by the time we got organized it started to rain and hasn't really stopped since. Needless to say we didn't go for the walk as I don't walk in the rain and we only had 1 small umbrella.

It's a little strange referring exbf to bf again but I'm sure I'll get use to it. It was only on Thursday night that I was discussing the relationship with my therapist and was telling her that we were taking about trying again but I was very causious about this and we needed to talk about it in some detail. I also said that I was comfortable in being single again but missed the company of him. Don't get me wrong we haven't gotten back together because we miss each other company, we generally want to be together etc.

Bf took the last of his stuff with him today and it is very strange not having his stuff here, as it has been here for 3 years. With all of bf's stuff gone from my house, this afternoon was a good time for me to reorganize my house.

I started in the kitchen and also decided to reorganize the benchers. I then started in the spare room and got out all of the boxes I have in the cupboard and through out all of the papers I had just stuffed in them. It felt so good to get these out of the house. I even went so far as to take all of the lace curtains down and wash them. As it was raining, I had to put them in the warm cycle in the dryer and I can't believe how white they actually are. I can't remember when they were last washed and bf actually thought they were a tan colour. That comment makes me feel what a bad house keeper I am. I even decided to wash all of the windows, inside only and would love to wash the outside ones but as I live in a townhouse it's not possible under water restrictions.

During my clean up I found a cross stitch I started about 4 years ago of my cat Teddy and never finished it. I even managed to spend a few hours tonight doing it.

Eating over the past week has been a little up and own but I have tried to make healthier choices. ItÂ’s so hard when you have people staying or over for dinner. Weigh in this week will be interesting. Dinner last night was relatively healthly choice. I cooked scotch fillet steaks, beans, carrots, onion, capscium & mushrooms and 3 cheese potato bake. The bad food was a toblerone cheescake. I did make sure that bf took some home today and my dad with get the remainder when I go over tomorrow to see him.

I am so enjoying my time at home and can't remember the last time I had holidays and didn't go way. It actually feels good and something I really needed. I feel very happy with myself today and had a great day cleaning and uncluttering my home.

Whilst I'm on this roll, my bedroom is on my list for tomorrow. It is looking so cluttered and messy at the moment. The Virgo is coming out in me despite bf trying to take the credit for all of my cleaning. His comment tonight was that he should come and stay more often if I'm going to spend the day spring cleaning when he leaves.

I must admit that I do hate and I mean hate cleaning but when I do it, I do it well and spend hours doing it.

Well I better go and try to get some sleep, I don't sleep well when its raining and its still raining pretty hard right now.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Trip to the Zoo

I never thought I'd ever post a photo of me in this blog as I originally used it just to vent from problems and frustrations. Its taken me about 7 months to feel so comfortable with the people that read this blog that I have decided unveil myself and post a photo of the real me. (My therapist and exbf would be so proud I've taken this step.).

This photo was taken yesterday outside the new elephant exhibition, but sadly there were no elephants to see. After seeming this photo, I look so huge and it reminds me of how much I have let myself go in the past few weeks. I am going to get back on track from tomorrow and put an effort into my life and appearance. My current inspiration is the online bloggers dinner I'm going to mid August in Sydney. I have never met any one who is going to this dinner and is a little daunting & exciting at the same time. (Again this is outside my comfort zone and this isn't something I thought I'd ever do either).

Yesterday I went to the Zoo with a girlfriend, her kids and her mother. It was such a great day, weather wise it started off sunny in Sydney but got a little cold and overcast in the afternoon.

I had such a great time walking around the zoo and taking lots of pictures. I felt so alive and free, like I didn't have a problem in the world. We were there for about 5 hours and everyone was so tired when we left.

It was a shame that there is so much work going on in the Zoo that half of the exhibitions are closed and that the Asian elephants aren't there yet.

When I got home all I wanted to do was relax and sleep. It didn't help that I had such a headache.

Today is a day of relaxation. I didn't get out of bed until 11.30 a.m. and am off to do the shopping and have my nails done soon.

Carlton.