Feeling a bit out of control

I should use this blog more often than I do, especially to get some of the thoughts and feels that I carry around inside of me out.

I have been feeling so out of control the past few weeks and have been meaning to come and blog but it felt just too over whelming to come and type my problems out.

2 1/2 weeks ago I resigned from my job, which mind you I've worked for this company for 21 years. The main reasons I resigned was that I was stressed which started to affect my health via tension headaches, unhappy, hate the pressure of the job and basically I need a change. I did look for something different within the company but there was nothing I was happy doing. Deep down I so think I need to get out of Banking but that's a scary thought as its all I've really ever done. So now I leave this company in just over 1 1/2 weeks time. The future is a little scary but I'm sure I will be fine. I am in discussions with one of my clients and we are looking for me to do some contract work for them with a new product line. I do have the added comfort of having 14 weeks long service leave up my sleeve but once I pay a few bills, that money isn't going to go to far, so I have to ensure this new product line works and works fast.

I also so hate not being in control of my life and what happens to me. I haven't been all that happy with Brad and his lack of motivation when it comes to getting a job which has also put pressure on me. So far he is working casually but doesn't always get work and was using the excuse that he didn't have a car to use as an excuse. I did offer him mine and I would walk to work but he didn't like that idea. So after lots of discussions and fights between Brad and me, my brother and I have decided that he can use Dad's car as it is just sitting there doing nothing. We were going to sell Dad's car as it wasn't being used by Paul decided that if Brad can use it then we will keep it. He has now been working more regular since he has had the car.

As I've said before I also haven't been happy with my weight loss efforts to date. I do realise that they need to fit into my life and not the other way around but still 2 kilos in 6 weeks just doesn't cut it for me................ I also realise that I am the person who buts the food into my mouth and chews it, so I only have myself to blame on this one. This week has been a bit better and I'm hoping for a good result come weigh in day on Saturday. Saturday is also the day that Brad starts weight watchers. I've also been encouraged this week with Brad taking more interest in what food he has been eating and what the points value is of the food. He has also been cutting down on how much he has been eating and was complaining how hunger he was last night. Mind you this was after dinner and we had 4 slices of roast beef, 2 baby potatoes, 2 small pieces of pumpkin, 2 small pieces of sweet potato, 1/2 cup of peas, 1/2 cup of beans and 1/2 cup of corn kernels for dinner. Well all I can say is that I was stuffed after eating that. My battle at the moment with Brad and his food is getting him to eat 2 pieces of fruit and 5 servings of veggies each night. Last night with the roast was easy but its not going to be that easy every night. Tonight we are having Satay Chicken with stir fry veggies with rice so he will probably only have 2 or 3 servings of veggies. Well I guess that is better than nothing and maybe I'm just being too hard on him. He does try hard and there has only been 2 meals that I've cooked that he didn't like.

I also having a problem with not being able to do things by myself. It seems that every time I go shopping that Brad has to come with me, we don't always shop together but its hard getting use to him always being there. I do get to go walking by myself but that is mainly because Brad doesn't have proper walking shoes and ends up with sore feet and also he can't keep up with me. Don't get me wrong I love having him around, its just that I'm a very independent person who loves her own space and doing something by myself.

Sorry if this sounds all over the place but basically I've just typed it as I was thinking about it.

I'm sure things will get easier and better.

There is heaps more that I'd love to get off my chest but I have a few things that need to be done right now so I'm sure I will be back tomorrow to continue this little rant.

Carlton