Good day

I had another good day on sureslim and so far so good. I'm planning my meals and preparing my lunch the night before. This way I know what I am eating and I'm organised. I am also enjoying the program and feel so alive and feel I have lots to live for (a big step for me as I've was diagnosed with clinical depression in July 2005).

I love being organised and knowing what's happening in my life. I don't couple well with sudden changes or uncertain situations.

Decided to do some shopping on the internet tonight and bought my bf a present - well its a belated birthday present. He's in to learning to play the guitar and at the moment is he is borrowing a guitar. So I bought him one, he doesn't know yet. It will arrive in a few days but he will have to wait till he comes home to get it. Can't wait for that too happen.

Whilst his home coming brings up mixed emotions I do miss him so much.

One of the things I've noticed during the past week, is now that I'm focused on my eating healthy food again, my whole attitude is changing. I'm also allowing myself to feel emotions (both good and bad) again and starting to living life again.

I also, so hate the feeling of being depressed. Walking around like nothing matters, feeling like I've lost the will to live, feeling like a corpse and that I have nothing to live for. So many people just don't understand depression. They think you can click your fingers and it will all go away and you will be happy again. I can tell you that is certainly not the case. It is so hard to battle his illness, so hard to live normally. Please don't be overly concerned about me, I am getting help, taking medication and am starting to get on top of things again. Just every so often I go back into my deep and that's very deep, dark world of depression and let the world just go by without me being a participant. Even my darling bf doesn't always understand me or have patience with me.

Life can be very hard and tough but very pleasant and joyfull at the same time. At the moment I'm taking one day at a time and one meal at a time.

Here's to happier times and memories. Here's to getting control of my life and losing my excess weight and getting to my goal of 60 kilos.