Light Bulb Moments

Yes I had several light bulb moments tonight and they came during a conversation with exbf.

We were talking about lots of different things including how hard it has been for both of us following the split up, how he misses the sex and just having someone there for him. To a point I too miss this, but not enough to go back to a bad relationship. I told him I could still be there for him but as his friend only.

The conversation went on a bit more and it sounded like he was trying to manipulate the conversation and convince me to get back together. Until a few little while ago, I probably would have jumped at the chance to go back, just so I could say I have a bf and someone in my life. I now know that's not what I want in life. I actually confronted him about this and said that if I didn't know better that he was trying to convince me that we should get back together and he actually said he was. I told him all I was interested in was trying to be his friend and things would need to dramatically change prior to even thinking about anything else. We would need to communicate effectively and try to be friends first and most importantly, there is not going to be any sex between us. I also told him that if he came to visit I would be able to resist him and he would be sleeping in the spare room.

At the end of the day all he wants is sex and he isn't going to get it from me. He has a lot of baggage in his life that needs to be sorted out before he can go into another relationship. Whilst I would like to have someone in my life I'm also not ready for such a commitment either. I have lots of things I need to sort out in my life and about myself.

I have been through a lot of stuff, some good but mostly bad during the past 3 years and feel that I am finally coming out the other side, which is a good feeling in it self. I am also finally discovering that I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for and I am no longer going to take 2nd best.

The light bulb moments are:-

1. Standing up for myself and confronting exbf about his manipulation.
2. Telling exbf that we will not be having sex again and that yes I can resist him.
3. That I only want to be his friend, nothing more.
4. I deserve more than what he has to offer.
5. I am a strong person and I have control over my life.

I am very proud with myself on how I handled the discussion. I also came away feeling good about myself and how I handled the conversation.

I even told him some of the things that I want in a partner:-

* Some one who loves me for who I am,
* Doesn't take me for granted,
* Does what he says he is going to do, when he says he is going to do it.
* Makes me laugh and laughs with me (not at me).
* I feel comfortable with and love spending time with.
* Makes me feel loved.
* Someone I can spoil and spoil me.
* Seems like I missed the most important one of all and that's friendship. Would be lost without this one.
* A few common interests.

At this point in time, he can't give me any of this, so I'm not interested in being his girlfriend.

This might not seem like much of a break through, but they are very big steps for me, especially when I do feel vunerable about being single and wanting to have company in my life.

Sorry for carrying on for so long but needed to get a few things off my chest regarding this part of my life. I also appear to be back in the grove and am getting on with my life.

Carlton
Take one Step at Time.