7 Bridge Walk around Sydney

This is the map of the 7 Bridge Walk I did yesterday with a friend off CK. It turned out to be a 24 km walk and all up I walked 28 km yesterday.

It took us all day to walk it. We started off at the Rocks and the 2nd half of the course was so hard. I didn't realise that Sydney was so hilly especially between Lane Cove and Milsons Point.

We had a great day and was for 4 great charities.

I was so tired and sore last night. Still a bit sore today and it's hard to walk sometimes. Hope this goes away.

I also made by October goal this morning. Very excited about that. Now time to focus on my christmas goal.

I also make an agreement with my CK friend to kick my butt if I don't exercise during the working week. I have to look my best for when David comes to visit. Yes he has agreed to visit me instead of me going to see him. Just need to work out when but the project he is doing in Nigeria will probably decide that.

Carlton

One Step at a time.

Can't believe there is 1 single sweet guy in the world.

Yes as the title suggests I can't believe how sweet David (yes that's his name) is. I got the following email this morning from him, whilst reading it, it is fairly similar to yesterday's one. I think there is only a few lines different.

God must have had you in mind,
When He spread stars in the sky;
For I can see them twinkling,
Every time I look into your eyes.

He must have been thinking of you,
When He made the moon and the sun;
He knew that they would shine down on you,
Like you were the only one.

I know when He made the mountains,
The beautiful flowers and morning dew;
When He looked at the masterpiece of what He'd done,
He had to be thinking of you.

When He created all humanity,
You had to be on His mind;
Looking across all the generations,
He made you one of a kind.

I know when the very first laughter,
Spilled over from Heaven's place;
God knew one day He would hear you laugh too,
And a smile spread across His face.
You had to be on His mind,
When He gave His only one Son;
For He gave him up to die for you,
As if you were his chosen one.

I'm so glad God had you in mind,
Looking down from the Heavens above;
When it was my turn to get that special someone,
And he sent You, for me to love.

Ok David was actually born in USA and migrated to UK about 6 years ago for work. He is currently working on a project in Nigeria and the phone system suxs big time.

Yah I got to speak with David (that's the guys name) last night, but we only got to speak for 3 mins before getting cut off. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Bloody Nigeria and its lack of phone service.He's working in Nigeria at the moment and apparently it took him an hour to get through to me. Very bad service in Nigeria. I so hope we can chat again soon. I've been trying to ring him back but can't get through. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr he sounds so good on the phone, his accent is a mix between American and English.

All up we actually spoke for only 5 mins but it was so cool and good to hear his voice. In the end we went back to chatting via yahoo messenger. Its also cheaper too............

I'm rather excited about life at the moment and it was so great to talk to him on the phone last night, even if it was only for a few mins. I so hate the Nigerian phone system and he is there for at least a month. Its going to drive me insane. We talked about meeting up last night and I think I've talked him into coming to Australia, rather than me going to UK to met him. He sent me another beautiful poem this morning. Can't believe how sweet this man is. I sometime think it is too good to be true.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Made my morning.

When I checked my emails this morning I woke up to the following email from the man I've been chatting to on the net.

Whenever i miss you, a star falls from the skies;
So if one night you look up into the skies and you found no stars;
Then its all your fault cos you made me miss you toooooooooooo much.
have a pleasant day sweetie

Later during this morning I got the following email

God must have had you in mind,
When He spread stars in the sky;
For I can see them twinkling,
Every time I look into your eyes.

He must have been thinking of you,
When He made the moon and the sun;
He knew that they would shine down on you,
Like you were the only one.

I know when He made the mountains,
The beautiful flowers and morning dew;
When He looked at the masterpiece of what He'd done,
He had to be thinking of you.

When He created all humanity,
You had to be on His mind;
Looking across all the generations,
He made you one of a kind.

I know when the very first laughter,
Spilled over from Heaven's place;
God knew one day He would hear you laugh too,
And a smile spread across His face.

You had to be on His mind,
When He gave His only one Son;
For He gave him up to die for you,
As if you were his chosen one.

I'm so glad God had you in mind,
Looking down from the Heavens above;
When it was my turn to get that special someone,
And he sent You, for me to cherish

Ok the 2nd one is a little too religious for me but I think it was still very sweet of him to send me these.

Some times I think is this guy for real and are there really people out there that are this sweet. but I have to think outside the square of my past and realise that not all people are bad people and there are some nice ones out there.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

New Relationships.

I think I have found myself a potential new man. Only problem is I haven't met him yet and he lives on the other side of the world - UK. So far he is saying all the right things and doing all the right things as well. He travels for work and is in Asia at the moment and continues to make the effort to find a computer and be online for us to chat.

I've even told him about briefly about the stuff that's happened in my life over the past 3 years and he's reply was that makes it more reason for him to take care of me and look after me, physically and emotionally.

From our discussions he is such a sweet guy and has even given me his phone number already. Only problem is that I can't ring ISD from my home phone. If I have time, will ring the phone company and see about getting that changed.

I just can't seem to get enough of him. Not sure where this will all go considering the time differences and distance (half a world away) but we will see.

Sorry just had to share with you all. I actually love all of the attention this guy is giving me, even if it is only on line at this stage.

Yes before you all tell me to be very careful, I have already thought about this and will be very careful. Its not as if I'm about to pack up and move to London to be with this guy I hardly know. Its just exciting getting some positive attention from a guy and getting to know someone new.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

D day has arrived for my Interview.

Well today was D Day, yes it has come around so very fast. I feel like I haven't had enough time to prepare for my interview this afternoon but then again no matter how much I revise my presentation all I want to do is change it.

About 6 p.m. got home from the interview. It was in the city and wasn't until 3.30 p.m. today. I was incredible nervous all day to the point I had problems eating but the closer the time of the interview came the calmer I got. I think the interview went well and I did my best. I'm actually pretty happy with how it all went overall.

There comments were that I did really well and they like the visual aids and the actual power point presentation format that I used. I think I even got a few more brownie points as I had copies of the presentation for them to keep. They said I asked some very good questions and like that I had put in a lot of research and preparation of the interview.

When I asked for feedback and if I had any gaps to work on, all they would say is that I did really well and they will go away and look at the 3 interviews and let us know within 2 days.

The actual job is with the company I already work for, so I will be just an internal transfer. They also told me that they only interviewed 3 people for the role and I actually work with one of them.

I gave it my best shot and if I don't get it I'm happy that I got to the final 3 and I gave it a go. I will find out within the next few days if I got it or not.

The whole experience has made me feel very motivated and that I can do anything I want to.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

October 2006 Goal

My goal for the month of October is to reach double figures for the very last time. Well I weighted in yesterday and I'm getting closer. Just under 1 kilos to go to my goal and 10 days to do it.

I' m very excited about it. I can do it.

Life has been very busy the past week, yet again I'm doing 3 jobs. A few weeks ago I applied for another job with the company I work for and I got an interview. In fact the interview is tomorrow afternoon and will go for 90 Min's. During this interview I have to do a 15 min presentation and spend much of the past week focusing on this and my interview technique. I will be so clad when this interview is over and I can relax a little, well that is until they tell me if I got the job or not.

Well I better go and do some more preparation for this interview. The job I applied for is one that I want to get very much, I have always wanted to get into this type of work but have never had the courage or confidence to apply for the roles.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr my life the past week.

Work is just grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr at the moment. so much pressure coming from the boss about finding new lending deals its not funny......... As my assistant is on leave and the other manager has had to take leave (both her parents are sick), he expects me to do it all plus go out and find new business........................... To make is worse I am so over this job. I want and need a change......................... The boss is great but has so been on my back the past few weeks, what am an a bloody miracle worker......... With doing 3 jobs again, when do I have the time to find new business........................
Sorry for the whinge but this is just one of the many things going around in my mind at the moment. I do have a job interview on Monday afternoon and because I'm so busy at work, have to prepare for it, including the 15 min presentation I need to do as part of it at home. The interview is expected to go for 90 mins. I so hope I get this job, its a job I have always wanted to do but have either never had the confidence to apply for it or enough experience to do it.

My love life is also grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr exbf still wants to get back together but from what I am seeing it's only for 2 reasons, he wants the sex and in his adult life he has never been single and doesn't like the feeling of being single. For me that's not good enough reasons. I have told him all I am offering is my friendship and see where that takes us. We spoke the other night for a 90 mins regarding life and our relationship and I'm still only prepared to give him friendship. He is coming to Sydney in a few weeks time and it will be the first time I will have seen him since we split up. It will be an interesting but hard time, especially with all of the feelings I still have for him and the sex with him was fantastic. I do miss it but am not prepared to settle for 2nd best. I need to be strong with my decisions about our relationship and not cave in and have sex.

In the meantime last week I met a guy on line who wants to do the friends with benefits thing. Normally I wouldn't do that but he is so cute and its been a while I actually thought about it. We have been emailling each other and things go rather heated. He so wants to met me but the more things go on the more I'm not keen to do the friends with benefits. I think I better be honest with him and tell him this. I also have a few other men wanting to get to know me as well.

When I spoke with exbf the other night I was honest with him and told him about these other guys interested in seeing me etc. I wasn't sure how he would take it and seemed to take things rather well. He even told me to go and have some fun with them but that's not me.

I was so hoping that blogging this would help but not sure that it has. It has given me even more to think about. I'm not enjoying my life at the moment.

Carlton
Take one step at a time.

Light Bulb Moments

Yes I had several light bulb moments tonight and they came during a conversation with exbf.

We were talking about lots of different things including how hard it has been for both of us following the split up, how he misses the sex and just having someone there for him. To a point I too miss this, but not enough to go back to a bad relationship. I told him I could still be there for him but as his friend only.

The conversation went on a bit more and it sounded like he was trying to manipulate the conversation and convince me to get back together. Until a few little while ago, I probably would have jumped at the chance to go back, just so I could say I have a bf and someone in my life. I now know that's not what I want in life. I actually confronted him about this and said that if I didn't know better that he was trying to convince me that we should get back together and he actually said he was. I told him all I was interested in was trying to be his friend and things would need to dramatically change prior to even thinking about anything else. We would need to communicate effectively and try to be friends first and most importantly, there is not going to be any sex between us. I also told him that if he came to visit I would be able to resist him and he would be sleeping in the spare room.

At the end of the day all he wants is sex and he isn't going to get it from me. He has a lot of baggage in his life that needs to be sorted out before he can go into another relationship. Whilst I would like to have someone in my life I'm also not ready for such a commitment either. I have lots of things I need to sort out in my life and about myself.

I have been through a lot of stuff, some good but mostly bad during the past 3 years and feel that I am finally coming out the other side, which is a good feeling in it self. I am also finally discovering that I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for and I am no longer going to take 2nd best.

The light bulb moments are:-

1. Standing up for myself and confronting exbf about his manipulation.
2. Telling exbf that we will not be having sex again and that yes I can resist him.
3. That I only want to be his friend, nothing more.
4. I deserve more than what he has to offer.
5. I am a strong person and I have control over my life.

I am very proud with myself on how I handled the discussion. I also came away feeling good about myself and how I handled the conversation.

I even told him some of the things that I want in a partner:-

* Some one who loves me for who I am,
* Doesn't take me for granted,
* Does what he says he is going to do, when he says he is going to do it.
* Makes me laugh and laughs with me (not at me).
* I feel comfortable with and love spending time with.
* Makes me feel loved.
* Someone I can spoil and spoil me.
* Seems like I missed the most important one of all and that's friendship. Would be lost without this one.
* A few common interests.

At this point in time, he can't give me any of this, so I'm not interested in being his girlfriend.

This might not seem like much of a break through, but they are very big steps for me, especially when I do feel vunerable about being single and wanting to have company in my life.

Sorry for carrying on for so long but needed to get a few things off my chest regarding this part of my life. I also appear to be back in the grove and am getting on with my life.

Carlton
Take one Step at Time.

Weight Loss Goals

Hi everyone I thought is was time I updated you all on my latest weight loss goals. I haven't meantioned losing weight for a while and you all probably thought I'd given up on it. Well I haven't.

My first goal is to get to double digits again by the end of October 2006.
This time its going to be for good. Yes I have been in double digits twice during this journey but due to stress etc I've found by self back in triple digits. Well enough is enough and its time for them to go. The good news is I am getting closer to double digits and am only 2.3 kilos away.

My 2nd goal is to be under 90 kilos by the end of 2006. This will be a bit of a stretch but if I stay focused and exercise everyday I can do it.

Some of you know that I had a car accident early September and there was $7500 damage to it. Well I thought I'd post some photos for you to see. The good news is that the car is all fixed now and looks brand new.


This is one of the photos.








This is from the other angle.







As the accident happened on a Saturday morning it took them just over a week to fix the car. Which I thought was pretty good.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR - CATS

The Grrrrrrrrrrrrr is aimed at Zelda (pictured here). I spend most of yesterday trying to occupy my dad, my brother and myself as it was the anniversary of mum's death.

Well I got home a lot later than I thought I would and the cats didn't like it. When I was feeding the cats and cleaning up the kitty litter mess, Zelda decided that she had to pee on the carpet next to one of my audio stands. That alone would have made me mad but she also had to pee on my Italian leather handbag, some F1 merchandise I haven't gotten framed yet (now it smells of cat pee) and right on the power board. The only way I knew was I heard this hissing or sizzling noise and went to investigate. When I did I saw smoke coming out of it and the sizzling of liquid.

I am so angry with her, she hasn't had much to do with me since. I keep thinking that if this had happened when I wasn't home then it could have turned ugly and started a fire.

Sorry just had to whinge about this and get it out of my system.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

1st Anniversary

Today is a special day, its the first anniversary of my mum's death. I can't believe 12 months has past, it has gone so fast.

It seems like only a few months ago that we spend the weekend in the hospital very sadly watching her die and not being able to do anything about it.

The picture here is my mum on her wedding day - 14/11/54. As this is such a lovely dress and picture, I thought I'd share it will you all.

Whilst I have spend the past 12 months mourning my mum and been going through so tough times, today is the day that I have to start living again.

Mum would want me to live again and would probably be a little disappointed with my reaction over the past 12 months. But what is done is done. My mum was such a special person who I could talk to about anything and would not judge me too much. She would just listen and then try to help me out. She would also do anything for me and go without if I needed something.

From today on it's time to look after myself and life life again. I will never forget my mum and I hope that the pain of losing her will start to subside a little.

I'm off shortly to the cemetery and visit her cremation plot.

Carlton
Take one step at a time.