Thursday, April 20, 2006

All I want to do is cry

Things haven't been going all my well with my relationship with my bf over the past few months. The separation of distance and lack of contact hasn't helped either. We spoke on the phone tonight and have all be decided that as things aren't working out and were both not happy, then its best to split up for good. Its more his decision than mine and all I want to do is cry, cry, cry and cry some more. We have been together for 4 years and its so hard to split up for good. I can't believe it's over and nor can his parents.

As he isn't here I'll have to start packing all his stuff and get his parents to come and get it all. I'll also have to get a new video recorder, computer etc as the ones we have been using are his.
The sooner this is all done the better. Don't really want any reminders around me, the memories I have of us are hard enough to coupe with. Need a clean break to try to mend my broken heart and concentrate on my health issues.

I am so upset and not really sure what to do next. Whilst I've been crying all night, I have stayed away from all food, which is great. I've also be gathering up all his stuff and putting it in the spare room. On the weekend I will start to sort it out properly and box it up for his parents to collect the following weekend. I'm also hoping to sort out a new computer tomorrow.
This whole mess will be a real test for my emotional eating.

The biggest test of my mental strength and residence to emotionally eating will be over the next few weeks, as I pack his stuff up, see his parents again and they take all of his stuff away. Then I will know it is finally over.

I'm also so surprised how much I have actually cried tonight. I didn't even cry his much when my mum died last year and I watched her body shut down due to tumors/cancer and slowly die over 3 days.

Not that I am tired but its 11.30 p.m. now and I have to get up in 6 and a half hours to go to work. Lots of do tomorrow, seeing I'm out of the office until Thursday afternoon next week due to courses, dentist and a public holiday.

Better get some sleep don't want to look too bad tomorrow at work.

2 comments:

Me said...

I have just posted a comment on your last post saying I hope your day got better - sorry I should have read your latest post first.
Oh Carlton - lotsa hugs to you. That would be such a hard thing to go through - all I can say is rather cliched - time does heal and you do need to continue to move forward. I know how difficult this time will be for you - try not to turn to food - it really doesn't do anything to help you. When you want to eat, go into the spare room and sort out what needs to be packed and do it - the quicker you get the reminders out of the house the better. It is going to be hard and I completely understand that but eating will just make you feel even more miserable. Throw in feelings of guilt and worthlessness and it is just an awful time.
You need to go through the mourning process and then move on - you have your life ahead of you - make the most of what you have and what you can achieve.
Mail me if you want otherwise I will catch up with your next post.
Take care and look after yourself - lotsa hugs and positive energy being sent your way.
Me

Mel. said...

Thanks Me for your kind comments and postive vibes. Things are tough and lots of crying still being done but I'm trying to move forward.