MMMM Time for reflection

MMMMM its time for reflection on what to do about my health and my weight. It seems like that I am always doing this and finding a plan of attack but never stick at it long enough for it to work.

Well it has to stop now because my health is at Risk. Whilst I have also know it is a Risk, it is now reflected on my medical results and others know about it too. I can no longer say with honesty that whilst I am fat I am also healthy!!!!!!!! Now that might be a bit dramatic but its how I'm feeling right now.

MMMM This time I know that what ever I choice to do, it needs to be something that is easy, fits into my life style and that I can do forever. Big decision and lots of thinking and research to do.

After thinking about my results and getting some advise from a great group of women from a site I visit regular, I do realise that the results are not that bad or the end of the world, but they were a real shock for me. Even though my mum had diabetes and lower than normal B12, I still never thought I'd ever have a problem with them.

Some of these ladies have suggested me getting out my CSIRO books again, reading the Syndrome X book by Dr Sandra Cabot or the Low GI diet my Dr suggested. I did get out the Syndrome X book and have tried reading this before but found it a little too technical and hard to read. This time I've started reading the parts that I feel are relevant to me and what's happening with my body, whilst this program is very restrictive, it does have some great sounding recipes in it.

The more I read about what I should be doing the more dizzy my head gets.

I have started taking my vitamins again today, so I'm taking the following:-

1. a multi vitamin.
2. Calcium supplement.
3. Vitamin B12 (new to the list)
4. Fish Oil tablets
5. my anti depressant tablet
6. Nasal spray for my hay fever
7. Antibiotic's (for my hay fever and infected sinuses.)

Now when I have them all out on the kitchen bench I feel like saying "god do I really have to take all these pills, people will hear me coming from a mile away cause I will rattle."

Now the search is on for a sustainable eating program that will improve my cholesterol, reduce the risk of diabetes and lose weight. And it also has to be easy, fit into my lifestyle and something I can do forever, so none of these fad diets/eating plans for me.

Well I'm off tomorrow for a 2 hour walk with Linda which should be good. Better go and get some sleep.

Tomorrow is another day and I'm feeling better about it.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

So upset with myself.

I'm a little upset at the moment as I got the results of my recent blood tests were not that good. Dr has advised me the following:-

1. I have a slight B12 deficiency, so I get to take B12 tablets.

2. Cholesterol is at 5.5 and whilst on the higher side of normal, he would prefer it to be lower,

3.I am borderline diabetic or to use his woulds I can't call you a diabetic yet?

4. My fat around my liver is also higher than it should be.

So basically I need to lose weight, especially around my stomach and hips. His advice at the moment, is to follow a low GI diet and take B12 tablets. Oh the operation that I'm looking at having should help with me losing weight.

Oh and ice cream, cream, chocolate etc are not on the menu for me anymore, otherwise I will become a full blown diabetic.

At this stage my head is still spinning around and around with what do I do first.

So basically all my emotional eating and my inability to control what I eat and how much I eat is finally having a toll on my health & body and not in a good way.

Carlton

Take One Step at a Time.

7 Bridges Walk - 28/10/07

This is the map for the 7 Bridges Walk around Sydney on 28/10/07. Its approximately 25 kms and a challenging walk because about 5 kms of it is hilly and depending on where you start the walk they are either in the beginning or at the end.

Last year we started in the City and the hills were towards the end, which is really tough when you have walked say 15 kms and then come across 5 km of hills. This year we are going to tackle the hills first.

The other thing we learnt after last year was that I need to prepare for this walk other wise my calf muscles will cramp up and I will hardly be able to walk the next day.

This year I have my F11 heart rate monitor, so it will be interesting how may calories I burn during this walk.

It is a great event and helps raise money for beyondblue: the national depression initiative, The Cancer Council NSW, Diabetes Australia – NSW and The Heart Foundation.

The majority of these charities have touched my life in the past few years. My mum had diabetes and died of cancer nearly 2 years ago now, my dad has terminal cancer. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, which is now under control. The only one not touching my life in the past 5 years in the Heart Foundation, however it is still a very important Charity.

Any one interested in website is http://www.7bridgeswalk.com.au/.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Exercise

I'm so glad that I have my F11 working again as it keeps me so focused on exercise.

I've started exercising on my own tonight and walked for 45 mins and so far I'm feeling really good. I also burnt 397 calories on my walk.

I'm planning on walking the 7 Bridges Walk again this year and am determined to get fitter, lose some weight before the big day. I'm walking with a few online friends and we have decided on the following timetable. Lynda and Suse are a lot fitter than me at the moment and also weigh a lot less as well, so I will also be walking by myself during the week and maybe on Sundays as well (see how I pull up and feel as I don't want to burn out to quickly and give up all together).

* Sat Sept 1 at 9am - Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda (Note: this is 1 lap, if you want to do 2 laps would have to meet at 8am)

* Sun Sept 2 at 3:30pm - Bay Interval Run - Suse & Lynda

* Fri Sept 7 time TBD - Double (2 laps) Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda (Note: we can do a longer walk elsewhere if you like, but I want to avoid the APEC crud in the city and getting public transport in there. But if you want to drive us somewhere i.e. watsons bay, then we walk to Coogee and bus back is ok with me)

* Sat Sept 8 at 9am - Double (2 laps) Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda

* Sun Sept 9 at 3pm - Bay Interval Run - Suse & Lynda

* Sat Sept 15 at 9am - Single Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda

* Sun Sept 16 at 3pm - Bay Run - RUN 4KM of it!!!! - Suse & Lynda

* Sat Sept 22 at 9am - Double (2 laps) Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda

* Sun Sept 23 at crack o dawn - Sydney Bridge Run 4KM - Suse & Lynda

* Sat Sept 29 at 9am - Single Bay Walk

* Sun Sept 30 - Day Off. Lynda and Suse to solo jog as its off week + Lynda's Dad's birthday so family commitments.

* Mon Oct 1 (aka Labour Day) at 10 am - 7 Bridges Prac Walk #1 via C2S Route + Bronte extension - Carlton & Lynda (Note: will skip Bronte bit if you need to rush back)

* Sat Oct 6 - Double Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda

* Sun Oct 7 - Bay interval Run - Suse & Lynda

* Sat Oct 13 - Day off due to long walk on next day (and its a nail day)

* Sun Oct 14 at 9am - 7 Bridges Prac Walk #2 on actual 7 Bridges Route - Suse, Carlton & Lynda

* Sat 20 Oct - Double Bay Walk - Carlton & Lynda

* Sun 21 Oct - Day off. Note: Lynda & Suse to do solo runs (as is off week). Calrtn to do solo walk

* Sat 27 Oct = Day of Rest, as day before the big day

* Sun Oct 28 - 7 Bridges Walk - Suse, Carlton & Lynda

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

Weigh In 26/08/07

Start Weight on 8/8/07 = 117 kilos (same weight I was 2 1/2 years ago when I started this journey)

This week 26/08/07 = 113 kilos

Loss this week 300 grams.

Loss so far 4 kilos.

Life as far as my eating goes is starting to settle down. I am trying to keep within the following guidelines as per CK:-

Calories = 1500 per day (i've reduced the calories down from CK's recommendation of 1730 due to not exercising at the moment).
Fat = 51 grams per day
Sat Fat = 16 grams per day
Protein = 114 grams per day
Carbs = 205 grams per day
Fibre = 25 grams per day
Drink at least 6 glass of water per day

Up until now I have been focusing on my eating habits and haven't included exercise (which is a bonus if I do anything). Now that I have gotten my polar F11 fixed I will be a little more motivated to exercise again. I will start off slowly and then build up.

In regards to the lap band surgery I am still looking at doing this but it will depend on if I can access some money from my superannuation to pay for the out of pocket expenses. I will have an answer for this within the next month.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Weight Issues

Sorry I haven't posted in what seems like for ever, but I've been really busy at work, looking after 3 portfolio of clients. I've also started a new job last week, similar to what I was doing but now more complex and bigger lending clients. Oh and so far not as much stress but its only been week 1..............................

Yes as the picture says I'm really pissed off but with myself weight wise. I have allowed myself to eat anything and everything in sight.

I really hate how I look in the mirror lately in what clothes I'm wearing. It really looks like I'm pregant when I'm not................

Needless to say I have put back on all the weight I've lost since I started this journey. This means that I am back at my original starting weight of 117 kilos. Not happy Jan but apart from being embarrassed about it, I do find it easier to share this figure with you.

I've realised that I need to start eating healthy now and sticking to a calorie count, so when I do have this operation, the limited food will not be as tough on my system. As at Wednesday (I think) I started using CK diary again and whilst I'm on a lot of calories there, I feel like I'm in a little more control of the food that I eat. I am also trying to be honest in the diary so if I eat cake, then it goes in. Trying to stay within my carbs grams is proving to be a challenge but its still early days and my choices haven't always been the best ones.

Oh is your a CK member, feel free to drop by my diary and take a look. Also feel free to given me some advice and guidance in need. The website address is http://www.calorieking.com.au/?show_home=yes. Its free to join these days.....

Just needed to vent a little that's all....................

I will try and post a little more regularly now that work is settling down a little.

Carlton

Take One Step at a time.

Another Step Closer to Lap-Banding

As the title suggests I'm another step closer to having lap band surgery done. Before the surgery date can be booked you need to have some blood tests done.

Well I went and had them this morning. I realise that you have to have a few tests done but they took 8 viles of blood from my body, I didn't think they were going to leave any left for me to function with.

Next steps are to go back to the surgeon next Tuesday and discuss the results and hopefully book a date for the surgery.

Carlton

Lap Band Glory Box

I got this idea from Kristy who has recently had lap band surgery and thought it was a great idea.

My lap band glory box:-

*small bread plate (a fancy one!)

*small fork *small bowl (have already)

*small spoon

*bio oil (for scaring)

*Mederma (for scaring)

*Sustagen hospital grade with added fibre

*my lap band guide & the gastric banding guide from food talk (which I already have!)

*Popsicle maker - i think there is one at my parents place for when we were growing up

*mini blender - I do have one but its about 10 years old and need a new one.

*small freeze able containers (250 ml) (have lots and lots of these / joys of living alone for so long)

*straws (always have these in the cupboard)

*small drinking cup (have this already) (100/250 ml)

As you can see still have a few things yet to get.

Jodie yes I forgot to mention about the recovery time. All going well you are in hospital overnight (you could go home same day if you wanted) and your off work for about 1 week. I'll probably take another week off holidays so I'm fully recovered when I go back to my busy job.

You need to switch to either optifast, tony Ferguson shakes 2 weeks before the operation and this helps to cleanse the liver and helps with the recovery time (apparently the physical pain isn't as great if you have the shakes before hand). Then for the first 4 weeks after the operation you move from a liquid diet to mushy foods and then on to solid food. You are also to expect to be intolerant to some kinds of foods but its different for everyone so you really need to experiment with that one.

Carlton

Frist Surgeon Visit - Lapband Surgery

Just an update. I went and saw the surgeon today and he is lovely, he answered all my questions and is rather laid back about the whole procedure and on going care. Don't get me wrong he is very professional but his bedside manner is fabulous.

My next steps are to go and have some blood tests done. I know just have to work out when I can have them done. Obviously I need to fast before hand and need to work out when I don't have an early meeting at work so I don't have to stress about how long I have to wait for them. At this stage its looking like it might be next Tuesday that I will go and get them done.

I've also made another appointment to see him to discuss the blood results, next steps, payment of the out of pocket expenses and when I can have the operation. At this stage it is looking like the operation will be in approximately 8 weeks time. As an estimate the out of pocket expenses are between $3500 and $5000 which is what I was expecting. They are going to send me a quote as it depends what my health cover will pay for and what the others charge.

Whilst I would prefer to have it done on the public list, sadly in Sydney the list has been closed and they are not taking any more names. The list is way too long, last I heard it was about 8 years and I would not wait that long.The surgeon I've chosen does 3 kinds of overweight surgery, lap-band, sleeve surgery (cross between lap-band and gastric bypass surgery) and gastric bypass. I was always leaning towards Lap-band surgery and the surgeon agrees with my choice. If I wanted the others done he would do them but basically the others can not be reversed if you change your mind down the track, where as the lap-band can be taken out if you change your mind.

I so can't believe that I stressed for nothing over this appointment.

I so excited about this and now can't wait for it all to happen.

Carlton
Take One step at a time.

Starting to get nervous

Yes that is right, I'm starting to get nervous. I have my first appointment with Dr Talbot tomorrow at 3 p.m. and starting to get nervous over it.

I think I'm also starting to stress about what to expect, will I be accepted, will my superannuation approve the early release so I can pay for the out of pocket expenses, will I actually go through with it all etc.

I'm sure most people go through this but for me its such a big step. Its also me admitting that I can't do this alone and I need some serious help to reduce the amount of food that I eat.

I'm sure this is normal but I will be so glad when the appointment tomorrow is over and I know more about the whole process.

Oh I also watched the online show of Mikey Robins regarding this lap band surgey today and it moved me so much that I was close to tears. His story is so much like mine................

There the link if you missed the show http://www.abc.net.au/austory/. It was aired on the ABC last night and will be replaced on Saturday at 12.30 p.m.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

MIA - Sorry

Yes as this picture indicates I have put on even more weight.

I've had a mixed today today. I'm so glad the end of the financial year is finally over but when I got to work today I was greeted with bad and sad news.

One of the ladies that I work will (she worked part time) finished up last Wednesday to go on maternity leave. The baby was due in 2 weeks, unfortunately they both died on Friday night. My friend Sharon apparently had a coughing fit and couldn't breath. Her neighbour called the ambulance but she died in the ambulance on the way to hospital. Understandably the back of an ambulance is not the place to perform an emergency c section to try and save the baby, also I'm wouldn't think that the ambulance officers would be trained to do such a thing any way. It is so unreal and I really can't believe she is gone. Sharon was so full of life and was so looking forward to the birth of her 2nd baby and her 40th birthday. I so feel sorry for her little boy who is nearly 3 and now has to grow up without a mother. Riley also doesn't really know his father and now only has elderly grandparents to look after him. I am so not looking forward to this funeral either later this week or next week, depending on when there bodies are released.

On my weight loss journey, as I said before I have lost the plot and put on even more weight.

It is now only 2 more days till I go and see the surgeon regarding lap band surgery. I'm starting to get nervous and excited at the same time. I have decided that if the surgeon accepts me as a suitable candidate then I will go ahead with it. Oh of course if I can get about $5k out of my superannuation to pay for the out of pocket expenses.

Not much else to say really. I will try to blog more but its hard now that the fire walls at work have blocked blogger.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Weight Loss Journey

Yes I am still around, I've just had a small break from blogging. Thanks for all those people who left warm wishes and messages, they were all very appreciated. During this time away I've been reflecting on my life, my goals, and most of all my weight loss journey. I have also realised that whilst my life has been tough over the past few years, I'm glad that I went through it all and even very proud how I've come through it. I can finally say that I am happy with my life and happy being single and I don't need a man to complete my life. The only things I'm not happy with or in control of is my weight and what I eat. I'm now looking at ways to solve this problem.

One major things I've realised that I've been trying to lose weight now for at least 10 years and honestly I have lost weight but I HAVE put it all back on. Yes I am the same weight I was 10 years ago. During these 10 years I have tried many different diets/programs, the major ones being:-

* weight watchers (on more than one occasion)
* sureslim
* lite n easy
* calorie controlled diets (calorieking etc)
* low carb
* CSIRO diet
* The biggest loser diet

and many other ones from the magazines. I've had some success with them but nothing long term. I've realised for me to be successful in losing weight it all comes down to my ability to control my hunger and the amount that I eat. At this stage I'm looking at ways that I can control my hunger and the amount that I eat and I'm looking into surgery options at the moment. I know there are lots of you out there that will not agree with such drastic methods but I need to do what is right for me and what I've been doing over the past 10 years hasn't worked. Its time to look at new options and the option I'm looking into at the moment is lap band surgery.

During the past 2 weeks I've been doing a lot of reading about losing weight and what options are available to a morbidly obese person like myself. Until lately I've really hated and I haven't wanted to admit that I am morbidly obese but who am I kidding, I am and it is only me who can change that.

During my reading I've found the following interesting paragraphs that I thought I'd share with you all:-

Non-surgical methods of losing weight may eventually fail because they require daily compliance for the rest of your life. Our bodies are designed to fight weight loss so when someone diets their body becomes significantly more efficient and their brain sends stronger and stronger hunger signals. This explains the intolerable discomfort associated with dieting and the rapidity with which weight returns after a diet. The majority of people seeking surgery for long term weight control have had successful short term weight loss with diets in the past. Regardless of the amount of weight lost your body will wish to return to the weight you were before the diet.

Almost 60% of Australian adults have a weight problem and for those who are severely overweight Bariatric (obesity) Surgery offers the real possibility of lifelong weight control. Thousands of people in Australia die every year from obesity related diseases and hundreds of thousands suffer medical, physical and social disability.

The last 2 paragraphs were written by Dr Michael L Talbot. MB ChB FRACS.
Dr Talbot is a specialty trained Upper Gastrointestinal, Laparoscopic and Endoscopic Surgeon based at St George Hospital. He consults from the Department of Surgery at St George Hospital, at Suite 1 26-28 Gipps St Miranda, at the Wollongong Day Surgery and at the Sydney Institute of Obesity Surgery in Ashfield.


Lapband Surgery (or Laparoscpic Gastric Banding)

Laparoscopic Gastric Banding is the most frequently performed operation for obesity in Australia and yearly accounts for 25% of obesity surgery operations worldwide. It is a very good option available for people needing to lose weight but it will not suit everyone.

Having a band placed is simply the first step in the weight loss process. Any person undergoing this operation needs to understand how the band works in order to obtain their goals.

Patients electing to undergo laparoscopic gastric banding will be cared for in a safe and supportive environment, from the time of initial consultation through to achievement of weight-loss goals and long term follow-up.




The actual lapband that goes around your stomach

How the lapband looks on your stomach.

The port is used during the fill progress post operation.

In this procedure, a hollow band made of special material is placed around the stomach near its upper end, creating a small pouch and a narrow passage into the larger remainder of the stomach. The band is then inflated with a salt solution. It can be tightened or loosened over time to change the size of the passage by increasing or decreasing the amount of salt solution. The entire procedure is done laparoscopically, where a laparoscope is inserted through the abdominal wall through small surgical incisions.

It induces weight loss by reducing the capacity of the stomach, which restricts the amount of food that can be consumed.


Minimally Invasive Approach
During the procedure, surgeons usually use laparoscopic techniques (using small incisions and long-shafted instruments), to implant an inflatable silicone band into the patient's abdomen. Like a wristwatch, the band is fastened around the upper stomach to create a new, tiny stomach pouch that limits and controls the amount of food you eat. It also creates a small outlet that slows the emptying process into the stomach and the intestines. As a result, patients experience an earlier sensation of fullness and are satisfied with smaller amounts of food. In turn, this results in weight loss.


Least Traumatic Procedure
Since there is no cutting, stapling or stomach re-routing involved in the LAP-BAND System procedure, it is considered the least traumatic of all weight loss surgeries. The laparoscopic approach to the surgery also offers the advantages of reduced post-operative pain, shortened hospital stay and quicker recovery. If for any reason the LAP-BAND System needs to be removed, the stomach generally returns to its original form.
Adjustable Treatment

The LAP-BAND System is an adjustable weight loss surgery. The diameter of the band is adjustable for a customized weight-loss rate. Your individual needs can change as you lose weight.

To modify the size of the band, its inner surface can be inflated or deflated with a saline solution. The band is connected by tubing to an access port, which is placed well below the skin during surgery. After the operation, the surgeon can control the amount of saline in the band by entering the port with a fine needle through the skin.

Minimal Trauma
Least invasive surgical option
No intestinal re-routing
No cutting or stapling of the stomach wall or bowel
Reduced patient pain, hospital length-of-stay and recovery period

Fewer Risks and Side Effects
Significantly lower mortality risk than other obesity surgery procedures
Low risk of nutritional deficiencies associated with gastric bypass
Reduced risk of hair loss
No “dumping syndrome” related to dietary intake restrictions

Adjustable
Allows individualized degree of restriction for ideal, long-term weight loss
Adjustments performed without additional surgery
Supports pregnancy by allowing stomach outlet size to be opened for increased nutritional needs

















Reversible
Removable at any time
Stomach and other anatomy are generally restored to their original forms and functions




Effective Long-Term Weight Loss
More than 100,000 cases performed worldwide
Standard of care for hundreds of practices around the world
Academic publications with up to 7 years of follow-up


At this stage I am still researching this procedure and talking to as many people as I can that have had the procedure and so far I have not found anyone who isn't happy with their doctor or results. I've made an appointment to see Dr Talbot on 4/7/07 to see if I'm an acceptable person for this procedure, yes after blood tests the Dr still has to accept you as a suitable person.

Sorry this blog ended up being longer than I had originally planned it would be.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time

I've been sick

OK sorry I haven't been around much this week. I've spend most of it sick in bed. Nothing life threatening and I should be back on my feet in a few days time.

Needless to say I haven't eaten all that well during this time.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

Past 3 years of my life.

OK I thought I'd summarise the past few years of my life for those who have recently started reading my blog and don't know what's been going on:-

1. Dad diagnosed with cancer - October 2004
2. My mum diagnosed with breast cancer - Feb 2005
3. My darling bf (now ex) diagnosed with DVT - April 2005
4. My dad being rushed to hospital, gall bladder - June 2005
5. Me being diagnosed with depression and starting therapy - July 2005
6. My mum struggling with her cancer battle - June - September 2005
7. Mum losing her battle with cancer - October 2005
8. Dad being rushed to hospital and nearly died - December 2005
9. Nearly breaking up with darling bf - January 2006
10. Started looking after 2 portfolio's at work (300 clients) January 2006
11. Breaking up with bf - April 2006
12. Brother committed suicide - April 2006
13. Getting back together with bf - May 2006
14. Break up with bf for good - August 2006
15. Met new guy over the net - October 2006
16. Dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer and bone cancer - November 2006
17. Dad moved to a nursing home January 2007
18. Broke up with David due to him cheating on me with 2 other woman - February 2007
19. Still looking after 2 portfolios at work until today May 2007

Boy I can't believe I've been through so much and still survived. Its been a tough few years but looking back I've come through it a much stronger person.

Despite trying, I have not lost and kept off any weight since my mum died in October 2005. In fact since my dad's been sick since November 2006 I've put on 10 kilos or (15 kilos since my mum died).

Hope this helps to understand my life and its ups and downs.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Mothers Day

Get More at COMMENTYOU.com

Its Mothers Day today and I so miss my mum terribly. I have a pretty busy day today and am going to find the time to go and visit mum's cremation plot to wish her Happy Mothers Day.


Get More at COMMENTYOU.com

I saw the following poem posted on ck and thought I'd share it with you. This is for all of you who have lost your mum's (for what ever reason) and miss them terribly on this their special day.

WATCHING OVER YOU

I'm sending special angels
To keep you safe and sound,
To bless you and to love you
When you are feeling down.

I've asked them to look after you
And keep away those frowns.
To cheer you up when times are tough
Or whenever you feel down.

I hope they take good care of you
And bring you lots of love,
Because I called upon them specially.
From Heaven up above.

Have a Happy Mothers Day

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time

Work - OMG

Myspace Layouts

Myspace Layouts

I had a meeting with my boss today for my half yearly review/appraisal (as at 30/3/07). Whilst I knew what my results were as they are based on meeting performanced based results, its always the comments that I get worried about. The meeting went for just over an hour and overall was pretty good. My boss did make a comment that I need to get less involved in things that do not always concern me (aparently people have complained about me in regards to this), the meeting did go rather well.

The thing that really surprised me and gave me a buss for the rest of the day, was that my boss told me that I was not the same person who started working for him just over 12 months ago (positive way). We discussed my personal growth and business growth, especially during such a difficult time in my life overall.

Looking back at me I am so proud of all that I have achieved and yes I am such a stronger, not as negative, more rounded (not talking weight wise) person. I've also noticed that I am also a much happier and confident person than I was 12 months ago. I do have my bad and negative days but I am now having more and more good and confident days.

I may not have achieved much weight wise this year but I have achieve so much more within myself this 12 months. I do have a lot more work to do but days like this make me realise just how far I've come. I've done most of this on my own and because I've wanted to not because I've been made to.

Just thought I'd share my positive news...................


Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Half way Mark

Its half way through the Challenge 5 June and I'm feeling so out of control at the moment.

My start weight was 110.3 on 11 April 2007 (I think that was the date)
Half way mark my weight is 108.0
Now that's a loss of 2.3 kilos.

Whilst 2.3 kilos is a fairly good result, I must admit that 1.7 kilos of this loss was in the first week. I've been pretty slack ever since.

If nothing else, its time for me to start exercising again. Its getting colder here in Sydney and none of my work jackets can be done up. I do not have the funds to buy new ones, so sorry but the weight just has to go, there is no other choice.

My eating has been OK, but structured exercise is not really present. The odd short walk but that's all I've been doing. I could also do with increasing the amount of water I drink as well.

Well its getting late and if I'm going for my walk in the morning I better go and try to sleep.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Financial Stress being attacked head on

As well as lots of other stress in my life, I so can't believe:-

1. how much I have let my financial obligations get out of control.
2. what a mess they are.
3. how quickly they can get out of control
4. how much I've been spending over the past few years.

Well suffice to say its started catching up with me.

Against my better judgement I've tried to push it out of my mind and ignored them. Yes I do know better than that, and I've beaten myself up enough over this. Well last night I decided to do something about it and I'm pleased to say I'm on my way to sorting them out and restructuring my debts. All of my unsecured debts will now be consolidated into one loan and then I have my housing loan. I'm rather pleased to say that I will only have two major payments per fornight now and these will cover all of my debts.

I even spend some time doing a budget tonight and OMG is all I can say. Things are going to be tight for a while but that's the price I pay for being stupid with my money and not facing the problem. Oh well it could be worse, I could have lost my house and faced complete financial ruin. Financially things will be a bit tight for a few years but then all the unsecured debts will be repaid and cleared.

OMG I still can't believe how much I've relied on a credit card to live, well no more. The credit cards have been cut up and will be cancelled once the consolidation loan has repaid them. The only card I now have is a debit mastercard, so basically if I don't have the funds then I don't buy it.

Whilst I do hate to publically admit his mistake and huge problem, it is helping me to move forward. As Dr Phil keeps saying if you don't acknowledge it, you can not fix it. So here I am saying that I suck when it comes to my finances and up until now didn't want to acknowledge them, well that has now changed and things will get easier.

I also hate to write about this here as I'm still a little worried about what people will think about me. The positive thing out of this is by posting this here is showing myself how strong I can be by facing this problem and moving forward and not backward.

Bascially I have to stop trying to keep up with the Jones and showing people what they expect to see. Instead I need to show them who I really am and admit that due to my excess spending and living beyond my means for so long that I can survive.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Light Bulb Moment today

Ok its been a while since I've posted a weight loss message. I must admit that I need to be honest with you all and tell you the past 2 weeks I've been struggling and wasn't really sure why. I'm home sick today, my sinus are a little infected and I think I'm coming down with a cold. I was watching Oprah today, which just happened to be a weight loss show with Bob Green and his The Best Life Diet. This show was a real light bulb moment for me and I want to admit that I have been struggling to lose weight for the past 10 years and not proud of that. During this time my highest weight has been nearly 118 kilos or 260 pounds and the smallest I've been is 80 kilos or 176 pounds. My goal weight range is between 66 kilos to 55 kilos. I'm currently 108 kilos 237 pounds and not happy about that.

One of the things on the show that really hit me is how important exercise is with weight loss. I've known this before but Oprah put it is way, if you don't want to exercise then you don't want to lose weight. Yes I hate exercise and find it really hard to find the time to do it. Again if I'm honest with myself and you all it means that I don't really want to lose weight, yes honestly if there was a magic pill to get rid of this excess weight, then I'd be taking it. I can honestly say right now that my whole life is rather over welming for lots of reasons I don't want to go into now but I can say that I need to lose weight, I'd love to lose weight but do I really want to do what it takes to lose weight, well not sure..... actually honestly its more a not really or a no.

I need to take one step back from losing weight and work on myself for a little while. Before I can lose weight I need to be able to answer the following questions:-

1. Why am I overweight, really? This is not just that I eat the wrong foods and don't exercise, why do I do this to myself? What am I hiding from?

2. Why do I want to lose weight and what am I prepared to do to lose weight?

3. What am I going to do to reclaim my life?

At this point in time I can't really honestly answer these, so I'm going to work on these. I also need to stop lying to myself about my weight and what I am going to do about it.

Bob Green has a weight loss website called www.thebestlife.com and I found the following extract on it, which I thought I'd share with you all:-

"Excerpt from The Best Life Diet - by Oprah Winfrey
Another thing I know for sure now is that you’ve got to ask yourself, What kind of life do you want and how close are you to living it? You cannot ever live the life of your dreams without coming face to face with the truth. Every unwanted pound creates another layer of lies. It’s only when you peel back those layers that you will be set free: Free to work out, free to eat responsibly, free to live the life you want and deserve to live. Tell the truth and you’ll learn to eat to satisfy your physical hunger and stop burying your hopes and dreams beneath layers of fat."

Can you honestly answer this questions and are you treating yourself how you deserve to be treated. My answer to that is no.

Basically I know what I need to do to lose weight but that isn't working for me at the moment, cause I'm not doing it. Before I can move forward I need to work out why I am overweight and move down the list from there. This is really scarey stuff and I think its going to be a long and difficult journey but one I must do.

At this stage I'm not really going to follow any particular eating plan but I am going to continue to fill in my CK food diary. My main focus is myself, my thoughts, my feelings and learning to accept me and love myself and only then can I work seriously on my weight.

Carlton
Take One Step at a Time.

are you a talent, a lifer, or a mandarin?

I'm a Lifer!

To you, a job is what pays the bills. You put in your hours, follow the rules, and then go home. Occasionally, you consider quitting, but then you think of how bad the job market is and you reconsider. Whatever happiness you get, you get from your life outside the workplace. Relationships, family, hobbies, and outside creative pursuits are what really matter to you. You're probably taking this test at work because you don't have anything better to do.

Talent: 46%
Lifer: 56%
Mandarin: 41%

Take the Talent, Lifer, or Mandarin quiz.

Carlton