I'm still around

Yep I'm still around, I've been rather busy with my new job, well its not so new any more. My 6 month probation ends next week.

Whilst I'm always pretty busy doing stuff, I also never seem to have much to say on my blog these days, which is why I haven't had many posts.

I had a break from weight watchers for a while, and am now back into it. I went back to my meetings in the last week of May 2009 and had put on a nearly 5 kilos, could have been worse I guess.

My CW at my last weigh in was 102.2 kilos which is a loss of 2.2 kilos since I've been back. This month I'm aiming to lose anther 3 kilos which will see me under 100 kilos at 99.2 kilos.

I'm walking to and from work again and whilst some days I don't feel like walking, I do. Its the only exercise I tend to get these days....

Blood tests results are in...

A few weeks ago I went and had some blood tests done to see how things were going, well results are in and they are pretty good. I'm no longer pre-diabetic and no longer have to take B12 vitamins, pretty happy with that result.

1. Fasting Glucose was 5.0 (3.0 - 5.5) she's happy with this.
2. Cholesterol was 5.0 (3.1-5.5) mind you my GP wants to to be below 4 and we are going to work on that via a low GI diet.
3. Triglycerides is 1.5 (0.5 - 2.0) she also wants to get this down too.
4. HDL Cholesterol is 1.0 and she wants it below 1.0
5. LDL Cholesterol is 3.3 (0.0 - 3.5) she also wants this below 2.
6. Vitamin B12 is 313 (120 - 800) she's happy with this.
7. Full blood count is normal
8. My Phosphate is low at 0.77 (.80 - 1.60) and this can be increased by increasing my vitamin D so looks like supplements of vitamin D, calcium, and phosphorus are in order.

My GP is pretty happy with my results and wants me to continue with a low GI diet until my waist measurements gets below 85 cm's, wants me to continue walking 60 mins per day and to incorporate food into my diet to bring my cholesterol down. Looks like a dramatic change in my diet is required. I need to make the following changes:-

• Increase plant foods,
  
• Only eat good oils i.e. Olive Oil, Canola oil or avocado.
  
• Limit my eggs to 3 per week (easy cause I don't really eat them),
  
• Only have chicken without the skin (already do)
• Drink skim milk
• Only have 3 serves of red meat a week.
• What the sugar in yogurt.
• No butter, dripping. lard or cream. Of this I only have cream and then its low fat, but I can do without it.
• Increase my eating of fish, seafood, beans
• No offal including sausages.
• Snack on nuts but only Walnuts and Almonds.
• Limit take away and if I do have it ask for it to be cooked without oil.
• I can not have anything deep fried.
• Have oats for breakfast and introduce Psyllium Husk or Metamucil into my diet.
  

Look out Brad food at home is about to change dramatically.

I was also given a referral to see the Dietitian, however as all of my high risk elements have now gone I now need to pay for these appointments and can't get bulk billed. I'm not happy with the Dietitian so far, she has changed the appointment twice now and I am now meant to see her on Monday but there is still not guarantee that will happen. She is meant to ring me on Monday to confirm. If she wants to move it again, then I cancel it all together and see how the tips from the GP, weight watchers and the low GI book I have go.

I've done my exercise for the day, cause I walked the 30 mins to the GP's office and then walked home the long way which takes an hour.

Now I just need the Biopsy results, which I get tomorrow to be negative and I'll be happy.

WI Day - they just seem to come around so fast some weeks.

Yes today is WI day and I had a loss, it was a small loss but a loss is a loss. I only have myself to blame that it wasn't a bigger loss. I did do some exercise but I didn't really stick to my points that well.

I now weigh 102.5 kilos.

I decided today that I would change from the Points plan to the Core plan. I've tried Core a few times and haven't had that much success with it. This time is different as I need to follow a low GI diet and Core and they seem to fit together nicely.

So today I have planned my food and eaten mostly core food. I did have a few little treats before I decided to switch to Core and used a few points. The good thing is that we did some exercise this afternoon and I earned enough exercise points to equal out the points I used today.

Life seems to be a little bit all over the place at the moment. After a few hassles with the people I work for and lack of money, I've decided to look for another job and go back to Banking. I saw a few Employment Agency's during the week and have a couple of interviews next week. Its funny cause they are both with the same Bank, its just one is full time and the other is a 6 month contract. I think I want the full time role as it is a floor below where I use to work for the Bank and easy to get to, the other one is in Parramatta and the parking can be a bit difficult to get.

As for my test results and seeing the dietitian, I've had to move both appointments to next Thursday. Will be interesting what happens then.

I also got a letter from Breast Screen during last week advising me that I have to go for some more tests on Monday (this is the reason I had to move my GP appointment). These tests can take between 2-4 hours. Apparently 1 in 20 woman are asked to come in for some more tests and then 1 in 10 are actually diagnosed with breast cancer. Just hope after the additional tests I turn out to me in the 9 out of 10 that are clear. As you can imagine I freaked when I got the letter and immediately started crying and thinking the worst. I'm now a lot calmer about it and sure I will be fine. Mind you I haven't told Brad about it yet and don't intend to until I get the results from Monday. I don't want him to worry unnecessarily. He is already stressed about work, RFB, money etc. He doesn't need the extra stress of my health right now. He will probably also go off when I do tell him but I hope he understands why I didn't tell him right away.

I've had a pretty successful day on Core today and can't believe that I feel really satisfied and don't need to eat anything else. The past few weeks I've been really hungry after dinner and pigged out, that's where I've gone over my points. Tonight's dessert was a tub of WW fruit and jelly which is 0 points.

Carlton

EGO - we need to do a rethink.

OK I go this idea from the weight watchers forum and think its a great idea. It not only helps with our weight loss journey but with our overall self esteem...

EGO - we need to do a rethink.

I love myself; I think I'm grand
I love to sit and hold my hand
When I grow up, I'll marry me
And then I'll start a family

Does anyone remember this playground rhyme? Sorry but I don't remember it, however I still think its a great one OK, I'll admit that it goes back to the 1950s BUT I think the relevance is still with us today. Love ourselves? That was not a concept that the Australia, that I grew up in accepted. THAT was the way of conceit; arrogance; "insufferableness" and needed to be FIRMLY NIPPED IN THE BUD. It was for the good of the child.

When I read the weight watchers threads or blogs, it seems to me that a sense of self worth has been a bit of a casualty over the years. So, my question for today is:

"What do you love about yourself?" NB: No false modesty allowed :)

I personally find it hard to love my body, however I do love seeing the results from all the hard work that I do.

I have done weight watchers many many times, however the one difference I've noticed this time, is that I am seeing the differences of my body and I do notice the loss of weight in the mirror as I go along.

Don't get me wrong I also get very frustrated with my journey but overall I am over the moon with how far I have come....

Carlton

Feeling a bit out of control

I should use this blog more often than I do, especially to get some of the thoughts and feels that I carry around inside of me out.

I have been feeling so out of control the past few weeks and have been meaning to come and blog but it felt just too over whelming to come and type my problems out.

2 1/2 weeks ago I resigned from my job, which mind you I've worked for this company for 21 years. The main reasons I resigned was that I was stressed which started to affect my health via tension headaches, unhappy, hate the pressure of the job and basically I need a change. I did look for something different within the company but there was nothing I was happy doing. Deep down I so think I need to get out of Banking but that's a scary thought as its all I've really ever done. So now I leave this company in just over 1 1/2 weeks time. The future is a little scary but I'm sure I will be fine. I am in discussions with one of my clients and we are looking for me to do some contract work for them with a new product line. I do have the added comfort of having 14 weeks long service leave up my sleeve but once I pay a few bills, that money isn't going to go to far, so I have to ensure this new product line works and works fast.

I also so hate not being in control of my life and what happens to me. I haven't been all that happy with Brad and his lack of motivation when it comes to getting a job which has also put pressure on me. So far he is working casually but doesn't always get work and was using the excuse that he didn't have a car to use as an excuse. I did offer him mine and I would walk to work but he didn't like that idea. So after lots of discussions and fights between Brad and me, my brother and I have decided that he can use Dad's car as it is just sitting there doing nothing. We were going to sell Dad's car as it wasn't being used by Paul decided that if Brad can use it then we will keep it. He has now been working more regular since he has had the car.

As I've said before I also haven't been happy with my weight loss efforts to date. I do realise that they need to fit into my life and not the other way around but still 2 kilos in 6 weeks just doesn't cut it for me................ I also realise that I am the person who buts the food into my mouth and chews it, so I only have myself to blame on this one. This week has been a bit better and I'm hoping for a good result come weigh in day on Saturday. Saturday is also the day that Brad starts weight watchers. I've also been encouraged this week with Brad taking more interest in what food he has been eating and what the points value is of the food. He has also been cutting down on how much he has been eating and was complaining how hunger he was last night. Mind you this was after dinner and we had 4 slices of roast beef, 2 baby potatoes, 2 small pieces of pumpkin, 2 small pieces of sweet potato, 1/2 cup of peas, 1/2 cup of beans and 1/2 cup of corn kernels for dinner. Well all I can say is that I was stuffed after eating that. My battle at the moment with Brad and his food is getting him to eat 2 pieces of fruit and 5 servings of veggies each night. Last night with the roast was easy but its not going to be that easy every night. Tonight we are having Satay Chicken with stir fry veggies with rice so he will probably only have 2 or 3 servings of veggies. Well I guess that is better than nothing and maybe I'm just being too hard on him. He does try hard and there has only been 2 meals that I've cooked that he didn't like.

I also having a problem with not being able to do things by myself. It seems that every time I go shopping that Brad has to come with me, we don't always shop together but its hard getting use to him always being there. I do get to go walking by myself but that is mainly because Brad doesn't have proper walking shoes and ends up with sore feet and also he can't keep up with me. Don't get me wrong I love having him around, its just that I'm a very independent person who loves her own space and doing something by myself.

Sorry if this sounds all over the place but basically I've just typed it as I was thinking about it.

I'm sure things will get easier and better.

There is heaps more that I'd love to get off my chest but I have a few things that need to be done right now so I'm sure I will be back tomorrow to continue this little rant.

Carlton

Sorry for the delay

Sorry for the delay in blogging but life is just flying by at the moment.

I met a new bloke online of course new years day and his name is Brad (pictured left), only problem was he lived in Townsville. Well to cut a long and boring story short, we got around that some how and last week Brad moved to Sydney to be with me.

I can't believe its been 2 months since I've last blogged. So so sorry about that. Lots has happened since then. I've rejoined weigh watchers @ 115.9 kilos which was a bit of a shock I must admit. I've been to Melbourne for the F1 race, had the flu and lost my voice, work continues to annoy me and my brother is doing really well.

I went to Melbourne with Paul, its our annual trip to Melbourne for the F1 race. He buys me the 4 day grandstand pass for Christmas every year. Following his heart attack I imagined this year would be different, no junk food, no alcohol, lost of walking and only really healthy food etc. Well
we didn't eat much junk food, only 4-5 drinks a night (better than previous years of about 10 drinks per night) and we walked heaps, I burnt 3500 calories in the week we were there. When I went to weight watchers last Saturday I had only put on 100 grams which I was very happy about. Previous years I'd put on 2-3 kilos during that week. Just imagine what I could have done if I'd exercised a bit more when I got home or only had say 3 drinks per night. Well I can only dream about that. I'm pretty happy with how I went whilst I'm away. In reality I ate what I wanted to, just didn't have the chips, chocolates, lollies etc in between meals. It was a great time away.

Last week I weighed in a 111.3 kilos. On 1/4/08 I'm joining a 13 week challenge and my goal for this challenge is to weigh under 100 kilos by the end of it. Hopefully this week I will have a good loss and it will see me have to lose just under 10 kilos during the challenge. Its a stretch for me but a goal I so long to break.

I'm eating pretty well and again cooking out of my weight watchers cookbooks. Just need to increase the exercise, something I'm not too keen on.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Neet to be strong

OK I need to be strong. I've arrived at work and they have put out the left over junk food from out Christmas lunch last week. There is Christmas cake, pudding, cream, custard, lollies, chocolates, chips and nuts. They are trying to encourage us all to eat them but don't they realise we have already eaten too much of this food during the holidays.

I am feeling so fat today, its not funny. I have already eaten my fruit so now i just need to be strong and drink more water. Don't people in this office realise that we are all over Christmas food and junk and we want to eat healthy.

I might just have to leave early today like lunch time, as one of the assistants has this Christmas email playing and it is really annoying me (its only been going for 5 mins and I'm so over it, the same thing over and over again). I don't have a lot of work to do this week seeing most of my clients are on leave and I'm not feeling to well today. Bloody sinus and hay fever. I'm so over it. I also need to sleep as I discovered facebook last night and was on the computer until about 1 a.m. and then I was wide awake an couldn't sleep.

Well better go and see if I have any work needing to be done.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

MIA - Sorry

Yes as this picture indicates I have put on even more weight.

I've had a mixed today today. I'm so glad the end of the financial year is finally over but when I got to work today I was greeted with bad and sad news.

One of the ladies that I work will (she worked part time) finished up last Wednesday to go on maternity leave. The baby was due in 2 weeks, unfortunately they both died on Friday night. My friend Sharon apparently had a coughing fit and couldn't breath. Her neighbour called the ambulance but she died in the ambulance on the way to hospital. Understandably the back of an ambulance is not the place to perform an emergency c section to try and save the baby, also I'm wouldn't think that the ambulance officers would be trained to do such a thing any way. It is so unreal and I really can't believe she is gone. Sharon was so full of life and was so looking forward to the birth of her 2nd baby and her 40th birthday. I so feel sorry for her little boy who is nearly 3 and now has to grow up without a mother. Riley also doesn't really know his father and now only has elderly grandparents to look after him. I am so not looking forward to this funeral either later this week or next week, depending on when there bodies are released.

On my weight loss journey, as I said before I have lost the plot and put on even more weight.

It is now only 2 more days till I go and see the surgeon regarding lap band surgery. I'm starting to get nervous and excited at the same time. I have decided that if the surgeon accepts me as a suitable candidate then I will go ahead with it. Oh of course if I can get about $5k out of my superannuation to pay for the out of pocket expenses.

Not much else to say really. I will try to blog more but its hard now that the fire walls at work have blocked blogger.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time.

Weigh In results - week 2

Yesterday was weigh in day.

I weighed in at 108.4 kilos today which is a loss of 200 grams. Pretty good considering I too have struggled this week.

This week has been an interesting one, I was chatting to a guy online who doesn't life far from where I work and we seemed to be getting on well and decided to meet for lunch. To cut a very long story short things didn't go to plan and now we are no longer chatting.

On a similar front, I've been chatting on and off (via yahoo messenger) with another guy called John for the past 5 months and just thought it would be a friendship. Well things got a bit steamer over the weekend and we decided to get together and see how things go. It makes life a bit busier and a lot more exciting.

Carlton

Take one Step at a Time

Day One of the Challenge

OK the June 5 challenge started today and so far so good. I was that busy at work today that I didn't have time to scratch myself let alone think of food, or even food that I have decided I'm not going to eat anymore.

So far today I have only exercised for 30 Min's but that is also 30 Min's more than yesterday or the day before. The night isn't over yet and whilst I am physically and mentally exhausted from work there is still time to get another 30 Min's of exercise in. Might just have to get out one of those exercise tapes/dvd's.
My food diary for today reads

Breakfast
30 grams of Light N Tasty - triple berry cereal
1/2 cup of skim milk
1/2 cup of tin fruit salad

Snack
1 small apple

Lunch
1 honey soy chicken stir fry with 1 cup of Jasmin rice

Dinner
1 Coles premade green salad
1 tin of salmon
1 200g tub of diet yoghurt

Snack
2 slices of toast with diet jam

I have also had 1 cup of coffee, 1 cup of green tea and 2 litres of water.

I know I might need to eat more than this and will re look at my food diary. I'm also on a course tomorrow all day and morning tea, lunch and afternoon tea are supplied. This will present a very big challenge for me and one I will have to tackle alone as I will not be in front of a computer to email Rainbow before I am tempted. I am planning on taking some fruit with me for my snacks and now I just have to remember to eat them instead of the pastries and biscuits.

Oh and the scales were not kind to me today. I weighted in at 110.3 kilos. I really can't blame anyone but myself, I'm the one who buys the food and I'm the one who places in it my mouth. TOM also arrived today so might just have to blame that as well.

On a different note I just need to vent a little about my job. I have been doing this job for about 4 years now and am getting a bit tired of it. My life and this job have both changed a lot over this time and I'm beginning to feel like I can't handle the stress of it anymore. I am also so sick of feeling stressed all of the time, so sick of doing 2 jobs (for most of the past 12 months), so sick of ungrateful clients I'm seriously considering that stress leave might be in order and talking to my RM about how I can't do this job anymore. Its just taking too much out of me and with the stress over my father's health, I just need a break.

Its time I looked after me as no one else is going to and finding a less stressful job, is all part of the journey I'm on right now.

9.22 p.m. I forgot to add the most exciting part. I said NO thank you, yes that's right NO to cadbury solid small easter eggs today. I knew that if I had one then that wouldn't satisfy me, so I didn't have them at all. Also at the nursing home tonight I could have easily had a easter mashmallow or some of Dad's small easter eggs and I did look at them with desire, but I also choose not too. Yes I made a very determined decision not to have any chocolate today or tonight. I am so pleased with myself.

Carlton
Take One 'Step at a Time.

Venting again

Yesterday was a bit better day, my dad has calmed down and my brother and I have had a talk with the nursing staff. We think dad got how he was because the nursing home ran out of his hormone treatment tablets, in fact he hadn't had them since Friday. I can't believe they allowed him to run out of them and then tried to make out that it was it was dad's fault he was acting like he was and labelling him too aggressive. After all they dispense the medication to him and should know when they are running low, how hard is it for them to reorder more then. Obviously real hard. My brother and I have talked about this at length and have decided that dad was like he was because of the lack of medication and that whilst he knew what he was doing, he didn't have control over it. Cancer is such a horrible thing to have. Again I can't get over the fact that the nursing staff left it up to us to calm him down and sort things out.

My eating is getting better and I am eatting health food during the day, it just appears that my problem is at night. Most nights when I get home I am too tired to cook a healthy meal and always take the easy option. Whilst I didn't eat that well last night, I at least acknowledge it and that it took the same amount of time to cook something unhealthy as what it does to cook a healthy stir fry.

Rainbow and I are going to start again on Tuesday and support each other, which will be good.
We are both struggling at the moment and can help each other get past this.

Thanks WSB & Rainbow for your comments, concerns and support. I really appreciate them. We can and will do this together. I'm feeling better about things today.

Carlton
Take One Step at a time