Oh What a Day

This is a picture of my cat Zac who was the cause of my stress and frustration today.

I took Zac and my other cat Zelda over to my dad's place this afternoon so they could spend some time with him and spend some time in his backyard.

I let Zac and Zelda out the back yard at 2 p.m. and then spent some time doing my cross stitch. At 2.30 p.m. I decided to check on them and could only find Zelda. The stress and frustration came when I discovered that the side gate was opened and I couldn't find Zac anywhere. He wasn't coming to his name being called and the shaking of treat packets. I, my dad and my brother searched everyone in the backyard and under the house, still nothing. I took to walking the streets and calling out his name, still nothing. My dad and brother gave up searching but I kept searching the streets and every so often coming back and searching the backyard and under the house again, but nothing. Eventually at 4.45 p.m. I get a text message from my brother telling me Zac had been found. I was so happy but angry at the same time.

We do not know where Zac spend this time as when he had, had enough exploring he walked up the back steps and tried to get back in the house (I had closed the door so I at least knew where Zelda was during the search) and was meowing at Zelda through the door. My brother thinks the whole thing was funny and that Zac shouldn't be in trouble because at least he came home.

You need to bear in mind that Zac is a 4 year old indoor cat who hasn't been exposed for great length of time to the outside world and has no street sense. During his missing time I was in tears, hysterical and thinking how to I explain to my partner that Zac got out and is now missing. Zac is his favourite cat. Also I wasn't looking forward to Zelda pinning for Zac, apparently she was walking about the lounge room looking for him and wondering what was going on.

I am glad it all worked out in the end and in future I will check the side gate to make sure it is locked.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Not much happening at the moment

Yes as the title indicates, not much is happening in my life at the moment. I'm sick with the flu and have spend the better part of the past few days in bed.

I did go and spend some time with my dad yesterday afternoon, took him to the cementary to see mum's cremation plot and then we went shopping and had lunch. Normally I'd also stay for dinner but came home early as I wasn't feeling well.

Spoke with bf last night regarding how he is going and our relationship. Have discovered he doesn't like being referred to as bf and would much prefer to be called my partner. So going forward I will respect his request and refer to him as my partner. He is going really well but I do miss him greatly. I also can't believe that I have never felt more at ease and happy in a relationship with him. Even at the very beginning over 4 years ago, I was always stressed about something.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Cleaning - Yes that horrible word again

If you have been reading my previous blogs, I have been spending a lot of time uncluttering my townhouse now that bf's stuff has gone. It still seems weird calling him bf again and not exbf.

I can't believe how much stuff, mainly junk/paper I have kept of the past 8 years I've lived in this house. Whilst it was a while ago, 3 years infact, that I did the last major clean up (when bf moved in) and chucked a lot of stuff out, I still can't believe all of the paper I have kept since then. I still need to do a good dusting and vacum the whole house, I must say it is starting to look good and like a home you would be happy to invite people over to.

Yesterday afternoon and last night I spend some time uncluttering my bedroom. I even rearranged the bedroom and just by moving a few small items, it looks so much better.

My eating hasn't been the best during the past week, mainly due to me having visitors and being out of my normal routine. As some of you know that I joined sureslim last March and whilst the program is good, it not something that I find myself sticking to, so I decided that I had to do something with my weight and I rejoined Weight Watchers last Wednesday night. It wasn't the ideal time to do it with visitors coming to stay but if I waited for the perfect time, it would never happen and I want to look and feel better for the C2S dinner in August. Ist weight in at Weight Watchers is tonight and not looking forward to it. I know that I have lost some weight this week but not as much as I would have liked.

I also had a really sore throat yesterday and woke up with the flu today. Not feeling the best and just want to curl up in front of the heater today and do nothing. Its a bit like the weather in Sydney today, raining and miserable.


Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

test

Just testing on how to resize my photo's using . I have also decided to add this photo to my profile. Will update it on a regular basis as I lose more weight.

Cat Heaven

Cat Heaven

A cat died and went to Heaven.

God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again."God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing?

Are you happy?"The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!"

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice

Life at the moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life, what can I say. Sorry for not posting for a while, however, I've had visitors and friends over for dinner etc during the past week and have been very busy.

I tried to upload a picture for this blog but am having trouble doing so and will have to go ahead without one.

Not sure how to begin this blog and this is going to be a long one, as so much has happened during the past week. I am enjoying my time off work and feel so relaxed and carefree at the moment.

Exbf was in Sydney for a few days and we spend some time together. Exbf and I had a few really long, deep & meaningful discussions over the weekend, mainly about life, our relationship and how things are going for him now he is living back with his parents. After much discussion we have decided to give our relationship another go. We actually sat down and discussed what we both want out of the relationship and have decided as a starting point, the following:-

1. Take things slowly.
2. To try and recreate what we had when we first of all got together.
3. Communication is very important.
4. Try not to control or put too much pressure on the other person.
5. Be exclusive.
6. Have fun together and enjoy the time we have together.
7. As he now lives 400 kms away we will try to see each other every 2nd weekend. Financially we both can't afford every weekend.
8. Give each other some space and share the STD phone calls.
9. I do not want to feel used and taken for granted.

These are in no particular order and may sound a little over the top but we need guidelines in this relationship. We tried it for 4 years without guidelines and not discussing what we both wanted or needed out of the relationship and it didn't work out. I need to feel secure in my decision to give the relationship another go, especially with him being 400 kms away and learning to trust him again.

We had a few hick ups over the weekend but were adult enough to talk about them and sort them out. Overall the weekend was a good one, not everything we planned to do happen but we spent a lot of time talking about things and seeing what we can do to make the relationship work. We had some good progress.

The house was very quiet and lonely when he left today. This morning we were going to go for a walk but by the time we got organized it started to rain and hasn't really stopped since. Needless to say we didn't go for the walk as I don't walk in the rain and we only had 1 small umbrella.

It's a little strange referring exbf to bf again but I'm sure I'll get use to it. It was only on Thursday night that I was discussing the relationship with my therapist and was telling her that we were taking about trying again but I was very causious about this and we needed to talk about it in some detail. I also said that I was comfortable in being single again but missed the company of him. Don't get me wrong we haven't gotten back together because we miss each other company, we generally want to be together etc.

Bf took the last of his stuff with him today and it is very strange not having his stuff here, as it has been here for 3 years. With all of bf's stuff gone from my house, this afternoon was a good time for me to reorganize my house.

I started in the kitchen and also decided to reorganize the benchers. I then started in the spare room and got out all of the boxes I have in the cupboard and through out all of the papers I had just stuffed in them. It felt so good to get these out of the house. I even went so far as to take all of the lace curtains down and wash them. As it was raining, I had to put them in the warm cycle in the dryer and I can't believe how white they actually are. I can't remember when they were last washed and bf actually thought they were a tan colour. That comment makes me feel what a bad house keeper I am. I even decided to wash all of the windows, inside only and would love to wash the outside ones but as I live in a townhouse it's not possible under water restrictions.

During my clean up I found a cross stitch I started about 4 years ago of my cat Teddy and never finished it. I even managed to spend a few hours tonight doing it.

Eating over the past week has been a little up and own but I have tried to make healthier choices. ItÂ’s so hard when you have people staying or over for dinner. Weigh in this week will be interesting. Dinner last night was relatively healthly choice. I cooked scotch fillet steaks, beans, carrots, onion, capscium & mushrooms and 3 cheese potato bake. The bad food was a toblerone cheescake. I did make sure that bf took some home today and my dad with get the remainder when I go over tomorrow to see him.

I am so enjoying my time at home and can't remember the last time I had holidays and didn't go way. It actually feels good and something I really needed. I feel very happy with myself today and had a great day cleaning and uncluttering my home.

Whilst I'm on this roll, my bedroom is on my list for tomorrow. It is looking so cluttered and messy at the moment. The Virgo is coming out in me despite bf trying to take the credit for all of my cleaning. His comment tonight was that he should come and stay more often if I'm going to spend the day spring cleaning when he leaves.

I must admit that I do hate and I mean hate cleaning but when I do it, I do it well and spend hours doing it.

Well I better go and try to get some sleep, I don't sleep well when its raining and its still raining pretty hard right now.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Trip to the Zoo

I never thought I'd ever post a photo of me in this blog as I originally used it just to vent from problems and frustrations. Its taken me about 7 months to feel so comfortable with the people that read this blog that I have decided unveil myself and post a photo of the real me. (My therapist and exbf would be so proud I've taken this step.).

This photo was taken yesterday outside the new elephant exhibition, but sadly there were no elephants to see. After seeming this photo, I look so huge and it reminds me of how much I have let myself go in the past few weeks. I am going to get back on track from tomorrow and put an effort into my life and appearance. My current inspiration is the online bloggers dinner I'm going to mid August in Sydney. I have never met any one who is going to this dinner and is a little daunting & exciting at the same time. (Again this is outside my comfort zone and this isn't something I thought I'd ever do either).

Yesterday I went to the Zoo with a girlfriend, her kids and her mother. It was such a great day, weather wise it started off sunny in Sydney but got a little cold and overcast in the afternoon.

I had such a great time walking around the zoo and taking lots of pictures. I felt so alive and free, like I didn't have a problem in the world. We were there for about 5 hours and everyone was so tired when we left.

It was a shame that there is so much work going on in the Zoo that half of the exhibitions are closed and that the Asian elephants aren't there yet.

When I got home all I wanted to do was relax and sleep. It didn't help that I had such a headache.

Today is a day of relaxation. I didn't get out of bed until 11.30 a.m. and am off to do the shopping and have my nails done soon.

Carlton.

Update

Hi everyone I'm back from my trip to Grenfell. Sorry I didn't post whilst I was away but wireless broadband was way too slow at exbf's parents place.

Time away was mostly good and whilst it rained a lot we did have lots of time to talk etc. It is really weird being around him cause some times it feels the past 2 years haven't occurred and that we have been together all along and other times, its really weird to have him around. It was good to spend some time together and have lots of close moments.

We had such a great time together and really opened up to each other, that we are even talking about seeing how things go and getting back together. We have both agreed to take things slowly and see what happens.

Leaving him in Grenfell was hard. I so didn't want to leave him. We were talking and mucking around a little in the bedroom before I left and I was in tears. It hurt so much to leave. We didn't eventually talk about this and my fear of us drifting apart and never seeing each other. I am also fearful that I get to see less of him now than I did before (long story there). I was pleased with his response of "well see what we can do about that".

Honestly I'm not really sure about getting back together, because I do not want to be hurt again and have my heart broken. I'm in two minds about everything. I love being with him and we did have a great long weekend together but I fear being hurt and used again. I think I should talk to him about this and take a risk of being a little vunerable.

I'm not sure his parents want to see us get back together, as they love having him home and all to themselves. I feel a little uncomfortable going to there place and ring him there, as I feel that I am always being watched and judged. Don't get me wrong they are lovely people and we get along really well but I just don't feel really comfortable around them. Might just be me and might be the emotional roll a coaster my life is at the moment.

Carlton

1st day of holidays

Today is the first day of my holidays. I've taken 2 1/2 weeks off from work.
Exbf comes home tomorrow and I'm a little nervous about it all.

I'm picking him up and then were going to have some lunch and talk about a few things. He wants to see his kids after lunch and then I will drive him to his parents place at Grenfell. I'm going to spend a few days at Grenfell and then come home and relax. He will be back in Sydney next week to see his daughter who turns 5 and wants to spend a few more days with me. I haven't decided yet if I can coupe with this. Will see how the few days go at this parents place.

The cats weren't happy last night, when I told them they are going on holidays to the vets, they don't like going. They seem to be really clingy today, going everywhere I go.

Had to get 2 new tyres on my car today and wheel alignment. I spend the rest of the morning shopping and then spend the afternoon cleaning my car and house. The house smells so clean and fresh. You have to love the Myers sale. I got 3 long sleeve t-shirts for $60 instead of $120. I so love a bargain.

I'll be taking my computer with me to Grenfell and sure hope that wireless broadband works out there.

I can't wait to do some relaxing things, as I so need a holiday. The red wine represents a few that I will have tonight and whilst I'm at Grenfell.

Carlton

My Journey

Thought I better do another update. Its been a while since I've been there. I managed to survive end of financial year, which for some reason wasn't as busy as last year with last minute loan requests.

My head has been all over the place lately. The new manager at work is doing my head in. I can't believe how someone can be so lasy and ready to palm off anything you can, especially when you've just started with a new company and are on probation. For someone who says that she managed a porfolio of 80 clients with lending up to $3million, she can't even speak to a client without help. Sorry whilst I do have high standards lending is lending which ever bank you work for. The basic questions are the same. You still need to ask:-

1. who's borrowing the funds.
2. what it is for.
3. how is it going to be repaid.
4. what is going to secure the loan.

All I have been asking her to do is ask the above questions and I will help her sort out the appropriate products, pricing etc.

Ok, she doesn't know the products and procedures but we can help her with that. For someone who has completed 4 years of Uni, she has no ability to retain any information and can not do anything without someone spoon feeding her.

I don't have time to spoon feed her with this job.
I do not have time to watch everything she does.
I do not have time to tell her what she needs to write in emails, letters etc.
I do not have time to sit in with every phone call etc.

I do expect that she can do the generic parts of the job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She has been working for this employer for 6 weeks now and with her so called experience as a relationship manager, she should be able to at least do the basic stuff. Am I really asking too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm also stressing about exbf coming home. He comes home on Thursday this week and whilst I am happy he is coming home, its also doing my head in as well. I've been so on edge all week about this, we've even had a few big fights over this. I've taken 2 1/2 weeks off work and will be so glad when he is home and at his parents place.

Carlton

Update

Just thought I'd drop in and say Hi. Yes I am still around just very busy at the moment.

Exbf's mother made a surprise visit last weekend and took some of his stuff.

Will catch up and post more when the financial year ends on 30/6/06.

Carlton

Update

Just a quick up date to let you all know that I am alright. I've been a bit unwell and motivation has been low. Yes I have been busy at work but also slack in updating my blog. I really couldn't be bother to do it last week.
Lost 200 grams last week due to my slackness.
Went shopping on Sunday and Monday morning and spend $1200. I got the following:-

2 black jackets for work.
2 brown jackets for work.
1 blue suit.
9 new shirts for work.
1 pair of black shoes.
1 pair of brown shoes.
6 pairs of tights (black, navy and brown).
5 pairs of socks (brown, tan and white).
1 pair of brown jeans
4 casual tops (black, blue, purple and brown).

You have to love the sale season. Myers and 1628 loved my business over the week. I only paid full price for 1 Brown Jacket and 2 shirts, everything else was on sale. Brown is starting to take over my wardrobe and replacing my love of blue.

I decided it was time to update my wardrobe, especially for work and the retail therapy was about all the exercise I did on the weekend.

I did go through my wardrobe including shoes, and donated 2 big black plastic bags of clothes and 1 big black plastic bag of shoes to St Vincies. My good deed for the weekend.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Weigh in Day

Weigh in day was yesterday and weighted in 95.7 kilos which is a loss of 1.2 kilos.

Which is a great result.

So far I've lost nearly 21 kilos in 18 months, and whilst it is really slow rate, I feel it is still good considering what stuff I've had to face during this time. I'm happy that I am still plodding along and haven't given up. I can do this and I will do this for me.

Exbf comes home in about 6 weeks so I've got just under 6 kilos to lose before he comes home to reach my goal. Exbf weighs in at 89 kilos (6 foot 3) and I'd love to weigh less than him when he comes home. I have six weeks to be very focused and exercise every day. It can be done.

I can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Listening to the Think Slim cd's is going really well. At the moment I'm listening to the 9th CD which helps to cover come cravings, sleeping deeper and better etc.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice

Exercise Day

Felt a little better today. After a phone call with my local gp doubled by medication, he has said to see how I go and take one tablet in the morning and if I need another one take it at lunchtime. Today I took both of them.
Today was also an exercise day. I walked to work and managed to walk it in 30 mins. I was very amazed as I have never walked that quickly to work ever before. At lunchtime I went to the gym and did 20 mins on the x-trainer and 10 mins on the treadmill. I also walked home and walked fast again and walked it in 30 mins.

Don't have much else to say today.

I do feel a bit of a piggy after eating lots and lots of ice cream last night.

Decided to add both pictures as it shows the extremes I'm feeling at the moment.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and am still finding it difficult to give myself compliments today:-

1. Exercised 3 times today for 30 mins each.
2. Increased fitness levels.
3. stuck to my eating plan - which is good as I ate lots of ice cream last night when I was in a black hole.
4. ????????????????
5. ????????????????

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice

Feeling very loney tonight

Feeling very loney and low tonight.

I so miss my mum and would love to chat to her about what's going on in my life. All I want to do is cry, cry and cry some more. Not really sure what's caused this tonight. I so want a cuddle and some understanding.

I hate being so unstable and emotional.

I thought I'd post this because I thought it might make me feel better, but it doesn't. Feel just as low before I started and don't really feel like I have done anything good today.

Still have to finish backing exbf's stuff and am determined to finish that tomorrow night. I will have a early night today due to being up till 1.30 a.m last night due to watching the F1 Gand Prix.

Carlton

Was Having a Great Day Until....................

A few days ago I send exbf an up to date picture of me so he could see how well I'm going losing my weight.

As the title indicates, I was having a great day until I spoke with exbf today. Our conversation started with how well and healthy I'm looking and how much of glow I've got. He even made the comment I'm looking good in the jeans I had on and that he doesn't see me in jeans all that often. My reply was I don't wear them all that often. In fact they are a little big for me now and I have to pull them up when ever I get up and do something.

Our conversation started out talking about our relationship and planning some of the things we are going to do when he comes home, yes it included some mucking around and close and personal time. What got me mad was not only did he asked me if I was still on the pill & if not was I going to go back on it but he also told me that we don't want to rely on condoms as they can break and he doesn't want to complicate our relationship. It wasn't really what he said it was how he said it. He already knows that I don't want any children and that I would do anything to prevent getting pregant.

Towards the end of the conversation when he realized I wasn't really participating in it he tried to bring me around by offering me compliments on how well I was looking and how proud he was of me. As if that is going to get him out of the shit.

The whole tone of our conversation went down hill from that point and all I wanted to do was to finish it. After speaking to him I realized that this conversation effected me so much that all I wanted to do was eat chocolate. When I went shopping I bought a packet of my favorite chocolate biscuits and then proceed to eat the packet. There are 12 biscuits in the packet and I could only eat 6 of them before I started to feel sick. Needless to say I stopped eating them and put them back in the fridge.

At this stage the exact date exbf will be home is yet to be determined as he needs to finalise a few things, it is now expected to be mid July and not end of July. That means I have only approx 6 weeks to lose 7 kilos. I will be under 90 kilos when he returns home. Time to get very focused. I will walk to work and back every day this week and stick to my exercise plan.

Ok I may have over reacted a little but he hurt me. We've been carrying on for the past few weeks like we did when we first of all got together. We have also been talking about our relationship and about how could start dating again but we would talk about it when he comes home. Plans we have been making also made me assume that's were we are heading towards getting back together in some fashion. Today he also came out and said that he was more comfortable about of relationship now that we were only friends and that any pressure was off him. He is such a bastard in that he wants to have things both ways and at this stage I don't want anything to do with him. He is meant to ring me tomorrow at home and I might just have to go out, otherwise I will be tempted to answer the phone.

My compliments today are.

1. I am happy I stopped at eating at 6 biscuits instead of the whole 12.

2. I am happy I exercised today.

3. I am happy with where I am at the moment.

4. I am happy that I recognized what got me upset. Whilst I couldn't speak to exbf about it, at least I reconsided it to myself.

5. I am happy that I posted here tonight because originally I wasn't going to as I couldn't be bothered.

I am happy that I have gotten all of this out and am no longer carring it around inside of me.

Thanks

Carlton

Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Weigh in Day

Weigh in day just comes around so fast. Today I weighted in at 96.9, which is a loss of 1.6 kilos this week, very excited.

I am beginning to believe that I can do this and that my life has turned around. I am learning so much from CK and have met some lovely people.

I am focused on losing weight at the moment and on my eating, just need to include some exercise on a regular basis. I truly believe that if I can get my head around things I can sort out all of my problems and recover from being clinically depressed. One of the ways I'm doing this is by reading motivational books by people how have won the battle with losing their weight and another is books like I can make you thin. I know what I need to do to lose the weight but my mind is allowing my body to do it. I recently ordered the CD's and workbook on Think Slim. It was a bit expensive but as far as I am concerned well worth it. I so need to reprogram my mind to allow me to lose the weight and to be happy with myself. It may also help me to reduce the therapy sessions that I go to and save me some money (they are $160 per hour). I got the CD's tonight and started reading the work book. I can't wait to listen to the CD's and start reprogramming myself to thinking positively about me and losing weight.

My compliments today are:-

1. I have all of the resources I need to lose weight and I am allowing myself to do so.
2. I believe in myself.
3. I am in charge of my life and results.
4. No one can do this for me and I am doing this for myself.
5. I am in control of my life and no more time for excuses.

A few other quotes I found today are:-

* If you think you can or think you can't you are always right.
* Water flushes away the fat.
* Morning tea means morning TEA and not fatty foods.
* An apple a day is a good start

The Think Slim program actually fits really well into the Sureslim program in which you can't eat pasta, potatoes, and lots of bread. This program also encourages you not to eat between meals, which is also what Sureslim advises you to do (in fact you can't eat for 5 hours between meals).

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.

Thank God its Friday

What a great week it has turned out to be.
Yes thank god is is Friday. Whilst the week has gone fairly fast, I'm glad it is over. My motivation is gone and I'm so over doing my job.
I also can't wait to weigh in tomorrow and see how I've gone this week. My diet started out pretty crappy this week but has improved dramatically and I've finished off with a bang. Now I just have to concentrate on my exercise and then I will consider myself back on track.

I worked out there is about 8 weeks till exbf comes home and I have about 8 kilos to lose to be under 80 kilos. Bring on this challenge. I am actually beginning to miss him. I so want a warm and loving cuddle and some action. Bascially I want what I can not have and I've told him so. He wants to see me too and has told me to imagine us cuddling. I am so over imagining it, I want the real thing.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But on that note, I'm not interested in dating anyone either.

My compliments day are:-

1. I can lose 8 kilos before exbf comes home.
2. I am very happy with how my week finished.
3. I am so proud of myself that I have turned things around and am back on track.
4. I deserve the best in life and am not going to settle for 2nd best.
5. I am the most important person in my life.


Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.
Think thin and drink more water.

Another Good Day

I had another good day today. Went to the dentist this morning for a check up and got my teeth clean and I don't have to go back again for at least 3-6 months.

When I got to work we had morning tea as the big boss came to see us. This consisted of cakes, sausage rolls, Vietnamese chicken rolls, scones with jam & cream and juice. I was so strong during this I drank my water and chatted to people. There was enough left over than it sat in the office all afternoon. Whilst I wasn't tempted at morning tea, the longer it sat in the office the more tempted I got. Around 4.30 this afternoon I was starving and was so tempted to have a sausage roll. It was to the point that I walked over to them and then stopped. In the end I walked away but decided it was time for me to go home as the longer I was there the more I wanted a sausage roll. Even thought about just eating the meat and not the pastry. In the end I'd said no as I had already planned my meals for the day and I want more than anything else right now to weigh less than exbf when he comes home. Yes more than anything, even us getting back together. This is my driving force at the moment.

Overall whilst I was very tempted today I resisted and had a great day food wise.

I also sat at the table and had dinner again tonight. What a great feeling it is, to sit and concentrate on what your eating and drinking . I also decided that I would drink my water tonight out out of a large red wine glass and that way I didn't feel like missing out on drinking wine.

My compliments today are:-

1. Ya to me for resisting morning tea.
2. Ya to me for taking time out to enjoy my dinner.
3. Ya to me for putting my needs and wants first today.
4. I am happy with my day and resistance.
5. I can see as a 80's girl by 1/8/06 and myself at goal weight within 6 months of being an 80's girl.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice.
Think thin and drink more water.

My Day

I don't really have much to say today and have a really sore finger, as I broke a nail yesterday. When I broke the nail, it ripped half of my nail off, so I only have a nail on 1 finger of about 2 mm. Ouch!!!!!!!!!!! It really hurts to type on my finger.

Reason I have used this picture is that I actually sat at the table tonight and ate my dinner, yes it was on a plate and at a place setting with knife and fork. Really enjoyed it. Normally when I'm alone I sit on the lounge and eat from a bowl and don't really taste what I eat. Tonight I enjoyed every bit of it. I also stuck to my eating plan today which was good. I was on a course today and took my own lunch. I didn't eat the lollies, chocolates and biscuits that normally are provided. I am so proud of myself.

Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while will know that exbf comes home at the end of July 2006 and I'd love to flaunt to him all of the weight I've lost since he's been gone. My plan is to get serious and I'd love to lose 10 kilos by then. This will see me thinner than him and really show off how serious I am about losing weight and show him what his missing out on. To do this I need to get serious and not only stick to my eating plan but I need to exercise everyday. Tomorrow I'm going to renew my gym membership (expired a few weeks ago) and go every lunchtime for 30 mins and walk to work and home when I can. Provided the weather is nice I will walk to work and home on Friday. Tomorrow I need to go to the dentist and then have my nails done in the afternoon. I so hope they can fix my sore nail, otherwise I will have to wait till the nail grows back a while (about 1 month's time).

Hoped on the scales today and they were kind to me, that was also good. I'm not going to publish how good you will all have to wait till weigh in day on saturday. Update will probably be again in the evening as I have to drive to Erina to pick my dad up from my aunts.

Exercise still isn't happening as much as I'd like. My excuse is that it is raining in Sydney this week and I don't walk in the rain.

My compliments to day are:-

1. Congratulations to me for sticking to my meal plan today.
2. Congratulations to me for recording everything via CK.
3. Congratulations to me for resisting lollies, chocolate and biscuits today.
4. I did do some exercise today and walked around the City for 20 mins at lunchtime today.
5. I can do anything I set my mind to do.

Carlton
Never pay for the same kilo twice
Think thin and drink more water.